I felt compelled to create this thread after seeing so so so many supporters posting recently asking about isolation. It seems like many supporters who are new to PTSD are asking the same things: how long does isolation last? How should I treat him/her during isolation? In other cases, supporters don't even know for a fact that what their partner is going through is isolation, but they seem to want us to tell them that it definitely is to assuage their concerns and make things easier.
There is something very troubling to me about these questions, even though I know the people asking only have good intentions. To me, it often sounds as if many supporters think everyone with PTSD is the same, like they are all lumped into one category of "PTSD" and they have no individual personality of their own. Sometimes it even seems like supporters choose to invalidate real issues and problems by just attributing things to "isolation." Probably just because it is easier for them to deal with it that way rather than confronting the real issues .... But if someone with PTSD asks for space or needs time to think, citing certain issues, that shouldn't just be blamed on isolation. "Oh, he has been distant recently and said he needs some time to himself -- it's probably just isolation, right?" No, he is allowed to have actual concerns in his life that he needs to think about, just like any other person, and just because he has PTSD doesn't mean you can shrug everything off as isolation.
Also, no one on here can say how long a sufferer will need to be away when he does go into isolation. There is no special formula for this. Some people leave for weeks, some for years, and some never come back. And again, if they go away, it's not always "isolation." There are myriad things that could be going on and just because isolation is the easiest explanation, that doesn't mean it's the right one.
It's a little bit like self-diagnosis -- it's just not a good idea. I understand it is difficult and confusing and when someone you love gets distant or disappears, all you want is an explanation for their behavior. But it can be dangerous to try to predict their behavior or impose certain ideas onto them, and in my opinion, it only hinders future communication with them and creates more setbacks in the relationship. I have had many relationships go down the drain because of this behavior, and when I've had partners in the past act this way, it often pushed me away more and I found it insulting. On the flip side of the coin, the sufferer should be responsible for providing some sort of explanation for his/her behavior -- they certainly should not get away with disappearing with no explanation. Ok. End of rant. I don't mean to cause anyone offense with this post, and I don't have anyone in particular in mind. I just noticed probably about a dozen threads with almost identical questions by supporters recently, and I felt like sharing the point of view of a sufferer.
There is something very troubling to me about these questions, even though I know the people asking only have good intentions. To me, it often sounds as if many supporters think everyone with PTSD is the same, like they are all lumped into one category of "PTSD" and they have no individual personality of their own. Sometimes it even seems like supporters choose to invalidate real issues and problems by just attributing things to "isolation." Probably just because it is easier for them to deal with it that way rather than confronting the real issues .... But if someone with PTSD asks for space or needs time to think, citing certain issues, that shouldn't just be blamed on isolation. "Oh, he has been distant recently and said he needs some time to himself -- it's probably just isolation, right?" No, he is allowed to have actual concerns in his life that he needs to think about, just like any other person, and just because he has PTSD doesn't mean you can shrug everything off as isolation.
Also, no one on here can say how long a sufferer will need to be away when he does go into isolation. There is no special formula for this. Some people leave for weeks, some for years, and some never come back. And again, if they go away, it's not always "isolation." There are myriad things that could be going on and just because isolation is the easiest explanation, that doesn't mean it's the right one.
It's a little bit like self-diagnosis -- it's just not a good idea. I understand it is difficult and confusing and when someone you love gets distant or disappears, all you want is an explanation for their behavior. But it can be dangerous to try to predict their behavior or impose certain ideas onto them, and in my opinion, it only hinders future communication with them and creates more setbacks in the relationship. I have had many relationships go down the drain because of this behavior, and when I've had partners in the past act this way, it often pushed me away more and I found it insulting. On the flip side of the coin, the sufferer should be responsible for providing some sort of explanation for his/her behavior -- they certainly should not get away with disappearing with no explanation. Ok. End of rant. I don't mean to cause anyone offense with this post, and I don't have anyone in particular in mind. I just noticed probably about a dozen threads with almost identical questions by supporters recently, and I felt like sharing the point of view of a sufferer.
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