today i seen my therapist after 4weeks off. We discussed picking up the EMDR sessions we were doing before, and what traumas we were going to focus on, which were more prominant at the moment.
We decided we would focus on the trauma of my physical & sexual abuse and rape. She knows nothing in detail other than the words above, i cannot bring myself to openly discuss these, the words just wont leave my mouth. She suggested we use the blind therapist technique and explained how it would work in our sessions.
She asked if it was ok to do a timeline to plot out where the places of the incidenta happened, and all the traumas would link to tge place, due to the multiple traumas happening in key locations. We started the time line, not giving details, but she was asking for my age at the time and a key word to link to the event. I began to struggle, words were getting stuck.
Then from nowhere everything went rushing straight into a flashback, it was so scary, i was back there, hearing, smellying & feeling everything. I compeltely dissociated after this, which i have no recolection of.
I just remember my therapist being there infront of me holding one of my hands & she had my car key in her other hand?!?! She fully grounded me and let me go once it was safe.
When i got home she called to make sure i was home & safe. I was pretty worried about what i may have said or done during the session. She explained i had nothing to worry about. Id apparantly started with a fixed stare which she couldnt break my glance in anyway, she said she was waving her hands, pen infront of me (which isnt the best idea!) to trying to pull me up on my feet, to putting my phone in my face. She said nothing was there, you were completely zoned out. Then from nowhere i apparantly curled in a ball guarding my head & face i started to hyperventilate till i passed out on the chair.
Im still unsure to why she had my car key, she didnt mention me attempting to leave?!
This process is so difficult, i cant even start the initial process without completely dissociating, how will i ever complete a full EMDR session. Should i just give up now, and avoid the wmotional turmoil its going to bring?
We decided we would focus on the trauma of my physical & sexual abuse and rape. She knows nothing in detail other than the words above, i cannot bring myself to openly discuss these, the words just wont leave my mouth. She suggested we use the blind therapist technique and explained how it would work in our sessions.
She asked if it was ok to do a timeline to plot out where the places of the incidenta happened, and all the traumas would link to tge place, due to the multiple traumas happening in key locations. We started the time line, not giving details, but she was asking for my age at the time and a key word to link to the event. I began to struggle, words were getting stuck.
Then from nowhere everything went rushing straight into a flashback, it was so scary, i was back there, hearing, smellying & feeling everything. I compeltely dissociated after this, which i have no recolection of.
I just remember my therapist being there infront of me holding one of my hands & she had my car key in her other hand?!?! She fully grounded me and let me go once it was safe.
When i got home she called to make sure i was home & safe. I was pretty worried about what i may have said or done during the session. She explained i had nothing to worry about. Id apparantly started with a fixed stare which she couldnt break my glance in anyway, she said she was waving her hands, pen infront of me (which isnt the best idea!) to trying to pull me up on my feet, to putting my phone in my face. She said nothing was there, you were completely zoned out. Then from nowhere i apparantly curled in a ball guarding my head & face i started to hyperventilate till i passed out on the chair.
Im still unsure to why she had my car key, she didnt mention me attempting to leave?!
This process is so difficult, i cant even start the initial process without completely dissociating, how will i ever complete a full EMDR session. Should i just give up now, and avoid the wmotional turmoil its going to bring?
