Silences In Session

[Tinyflame]

You're welcome @Cj77 ! I mean it. :) :hug: :hug:

 

[digger]

That sounds really hard @digger

It has been, and still is in lots of ways, but I think a big part of therapy for me has been about developing the relationship that way. My therapist's main approach is 'person-centred' so I guess it's part and parcel of what she does to find what works for each individual, but I'd hope that any good therapist will be prepared to pay attention to the individual needs of each client and adapt their methods where necessary.

Hoping for you that the discussion with your therapist about this is a positive one x

 

[Deleted member 29920]

It has been, and still is in lots of ways, but I think a big part of therapy for me has been about develo...

Thanks! :hug: It sounds like you have a really good therapist, it's good to know the silence is an actual technique they use, I nearly took it the wrong way, grateful for your (and everyone else's) advice - I'd still be worrying without it. Feeling positive about discussing it with her.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Update:

I've had nine sessions since this thread and I'm stuck..

 

[Suzetig]

Can you say a bit more about what you mean when you say you're stuck? It's just I know what it's looked like for me to be stuck in therapy but that might be different for you?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Hopefully this will help explain it more, I just feel there's no structure, she's not bothered whether it's helping or making me worse - Link Removed

I just don't see how it's going to help and in fact, my physical health is now worse with symptoms that can be caused by emotional stress.. She did not seem concerned when I told her I felt unwell last two sessions and still left loads of silence..

 

[HappyJock]

It looks likely I will have a new therapist soon, I have met with her a few times for assessment but one th...

I find that therapists do that because they know you'll talk when you're ready. My therapist does this and it first it got to me. After a month, I realized I would just start talking sooner and ended up having to be more open and social and so she started being like that too. She still does it, but it's also when she's observing me and gathering her thoughts on the subject in prior sessions or the current one depending on what the T is doing and when.

I laugh a lot. Lol. Because it's just funny to me... it's just random silence and then I end up having to say something random just to break the tension. "Cool cat." "Nice breeze in here." Then I warm up to her and tell her about little bits of my thoughts.

 

[sun seeker]

If it's psychoanalysis that explains a lot about the silence. That's how they work. Freud's plan was to take the therapeutic alliance out of the equation entirely by having the therapist make minimal comments; that was why he came up with the couch facing away from the therapist, so the client wouldn't even be looking at the therapist while talking.

Any chance you could get a new therapist? I know it is a problem getting therapy through the NHS, but it really doesn't sound like this is helping you. (I'm pretty sure, if I were in your place, I'd be badly triggered by this approach, so perhaps I'm biased, but the combination of a psychoanalytic approach, her lack of expertise in the main areas you want to work on, and the fact that you've already told her something about your needs and she didn't change her approach are all red flags from my point of view.)

 

[Suzetig]

It sounds like there's just too much space in the session. Sometimes therapists will leave a lot of space (silence) to give you room to think and process what's going on but from what you're saying it just silences you even more. When you go to therapy do you have an idea of what you want to talk about but don't manage to get there or do you really struggle to even think about what to bring and how to start? If it's the former, I wonder if having a set, planned opening might helip (my T and I go through the hellos, how are you type stuff and then she'll generally ask how I *really* am, which gives me space to gather my thoughts and start in.

I'm also a believer in 3 seconds of bravery - either write or say the thing you've been scared to and see where it takes you. Which I know is terrifying if there isn't really a relationship there. I would also explore whether you can change therapist on the basis yhat you've just not connected with this one. Folk who understand therapy (hopefully your service provider) should understand the need for a good relationship and would, I hope, be ok with exploring an alternative therapist if one is available.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

all red flags

yes, the more I think about it the more I realise this is not the right therapy for me, I already saw one of her colleagues before, she had an accent I couldn't understand well so I asked for someone else. She was just as quiet though. This T now is that someone else, the only others are two men - that's not going to work for me because of the nature of what I experienced in childhood. I was hoping she'd ring me back yesterday but she didn't, even though she seemed keen to talk on the phone last week (someone else spoke to her on my behalf). I'm tired of all of this.

@Suzetig I have no idea what to talk about so I have spent fourteen sessions coming out with various memories and it just feels unbelievably unstructured and I now feel unstable because of it. I really am the type who needs to be guided because I find it hard to talk to therapists, I become - like schizoid personality disorder, if that makes sense, in therapy. I really do need reassurance and lots of input from the therapist and she's not doing that.

There's another place I could refer myself to, they only do eighteen sessions, but they're specialists in sexual abuse.

I don't know what to do.

 

[Suzetig]

It might be worth going to the specialist service because they may very well extend sessions if they feel you need additional support. There are a couple of services I know of that advertise time limited work who extend this to long term work once they have a better sense of client need.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I'll phone the other place then, thanks for your help @Suzetig