"Someone Else Is Worse Off Than Me"

[Tinyflame]

Dear Hope,

I think that it is very right to have said what you feel & express yourself, and I think that yours are very wise words.

Yes, I have allowed Survivor's Guilt to influence me immensely.
And yes, I too, have had no one to 'speak to', these are realities, too.
And yes, my family would not be an option.

And, in my case, I am too tired at this point and stage to be anyone but "myself", whether others like it or not.

I think that many things you said are absolutely correct and a sign of a healthy and accepting attitude towards yourself, and ptsd and all that comes with it.

Thank you!

 

[fin]

I spent a long time diminishing what I felt. That there are others worse off (like I never thought of that)...it took so much to try to stop and yet I still do it.

I'm going to say its kind of funny -but its not funny ha-ha so... Its kind of funny that that is one thing that in all the years of mis-diagnosis et al, everyone has said...drum roll please... I have low self-esteem!!
I dont think thats really surprising considering, but its a shocker how so many people can try to feed into that, maybe to keep the status quo going? :wall: ARGHHHHHHHHH
.
One of the hard bits of trying to get help... I have heard so much of "there are others worse off :naughty: " and some of that has been from carers-professionals, I have to add that these are ones that have no understanding of PTSD (Its just sometimes it can be a bit late when you find that out!!). They work in general mental health. And I am not knocking all here because there are some that are cool. maybe open-minded, non-judgemental? Its just you never get to pick who you are going to get...which I know is life, but, my self loathing needs no help. And it also kind of contradicts the psychologist who keeps telling me not to devalue myself.

I am just getting to some point where I can voice (to some extent) that this IS important. That I AM important.
And even now writing that and seeing it there I feel like a fraud, like my feelings are invalid, that I dont matter. That I am trying to think I am "all-that"

I feel like I am being greedy in wanting a life. (I have a feeling that greedy isnt the right word there but I dont want to keep editing and deleting).
(2009- the year of going for it!)

I have always believed that everyone is different and that everything is to an extent relative. I would never begin for a minute to think I had it worse than someone else.
...and while I'm on this if I needed a reason why I dont...how could I ever know that someone else hadn't had it worse than me? Therefore no-judgement. not that I need to justify why I dont judge others....
:crazy:
I know I am sooo off on one I am sorry but Im sure that maybe somehitng in here might be relevant for someone else

So how come someone else can say it to me and I just let it feed inwards?And how come it is so ingrained that everyone EVERYONE is worse off and I am a malingerer? (I dont think I spelt that right, but i hope you know what I mean)

If it was someone else asking me for help I would not be telling them there is someone else worse off pull yourself together.
So why is it that because its me I cant do that bit for myself? and when I do or try to I feel selfish, guilty, self-pitying?

The self loathing part of me is having a field day. And so is the rambling(-sorry)

**I have got to post this sorry if I keep trying to edit down right now it will just get wordier and/or worse PLEASE BE PATIENT with me my concentration is pretty shot and its difficult to do this**
Which I know others feel and understand I really do I am sorry and I know thats not an excuse
just do it
fin~

 

[reallydown]

This is one of the things I really still have a hard time with...In terms of the situation I cam eoutof...the enormity, and monstrosity of what happened to so many...it's just makes it really hard not to mnimize my expereinces....Same goes for reading on this forum...so many people here have been exposed to the cruelest aspects of human behaviour...it's very hard, when one has been comparatively sheltered, not to minimize one's own expereinces...It may not be useful, or particularly intelligent even...but honestly...it's so hard for me to break out of that...I don't know if I'm making any sense...am I?

 

[Grama-Herc]

Fabulous stuff guys, BUT, I need to know what to do when there is no reason for this PTSD to be in my life. Some of you know but most of you are to new to the forum to realize that "My trauma is a mystery" How do you handle that? I have gone from drowning in self pity to completely ignoring the issue and then to obsessing about it.

How can I get the proper prespective on something I can't remember?

 

[midi]

Grama Herc,

If the mind blocks the history out, the body doesn't forget? Our bodies are landscapes that record all that we have experienced. It's like learning to ride a bicycle, your mind doesn't even think of it, but your body replays it as taught?

 

[Grama-Herc]

How right you are!

 

[cragger65]

Reallydown,

I think it's a practice in healthy realism to recognize that others HAVE suffered worse than you. BUT, that doesn't mean that you don't still have to address the effects on you.

That would be like me saying after an auto accident, "I've lost my arm, but he's lost both his legs. I guess I don't really need to go to the hospital".

 

[patrick]

I have spent most of my life thinking what I went through was nothing compared to so many other people. I couldn't possibly have PTSD from it, and if I do I am a wimp. Does one just stop saying that to oneself and come to stop believing it? Now that I know I have PTSD beyond a shadow of a doubt I am more convinced than ever that I am a wimp of the worst kind.

 

[Luthien]

Wow, this is a thread I really needed to see. I use this manner of thinking a lot in my life. I am always putting myself down for the feelings I have, and trying to minimize my experiences by saying "other people have it worse than me. Where do I get off feeling this way, while others with much bigger challenges are rising to the occasion and rising above to become sucesses?

I think like this frequently, and it just makes me feel guilty, or weak, or like a complete loser for not being able to "rise above" and put it aside.

I watched a show a couple of weeks ago on TLC called "Half Man, Half Tree". It was a very interesting look at a man living with such an extreme case of warts that his limbs became covered with tree bark like masses that totally incapacitated him.

His life is truly hard. He can't use his hands. The only work he can get is being in a circus freak show, he's had to turn his kids over to the care of someone else because he can't care for them, and he's VERY ill.

The whole time I was sitting there hating myself for being so pathetic, for hating my life, and my circumstances, while the only thing wrong with me is that my mind is a little off due to a couple of assaults. Oh poor me.

I really needed to see this thread. I will strive to be a little more compassionate with myself, and acknowledge that I am going through a rough time too, instead of hating myself for getting down because of it, and trying to pass it off as nothing much.

Thank you very much for the insight.

 

[cragger65]

Patrick, man, you sound just like me. Think of it not as "you" but a limitation of the human nueral system. Overload max capacity, and you get problematic results. Sometimes it's a whole series of events. One event sets us up and makes us vulnerable to the next event, and so on. Each time more gets dumped in the bucket, it gets a little closer to overflowing. What gets to you and I wouldn't slow down someone who doesn't already have a full bucket.

I don't know if this helps. I hope you know you're not the only one who berates themselves this way. And from what I've found - doesn't help a bit.

 

[Mina]

That would be like me saying after an auto accident, "I've lost my arm, but he's lost both his legs. I guess I don't really need to go to the hospital".

Cragger, I love this analogy. Thank you!