I'm so accustomed to feeling the bad stuff that I end up wanting to feel the bad stuff as a way of comforting myself. Very messed up, right?
Not messed up! Its your comfort zone and I run there everytime. Good news is, each time you push at that comfort zone, the further and futher it moves!
So for me, each time I come on here when I am wanting to cut, punish (you'd be suprised at what i do to "punish"), go out and find a strange guy to f*ck me and do whatever he wants to me, and it used to be to ask the same neighbor to bring over dogs (have since stopped that but it was a re-enactment of my past just like the rest of them)...just to name a few...but the more i come here instead and post what i want to do and why, if i know, and the more people reply to me that they care, ideas of how to stop ect, the more you just pushed the comfort zone line....you didnt do it and you faced the feelings you are having thats making you want to.
Will you slip? Yep! Remember, you will always run to that comfort zone when it gets too much...but keep pushing at that comfort zone, keep facing it and more importantly the feelings of why...if you know, the more you do, you will start to see the comfort zone line move...you wont need it as much.
I'm feeling better in that I no longer have the urges to act out sexually or desire sexual punishment, but it's very up and down.
Because you just faced it here instead and pushed that comfort zone and im so proud of you! It will be up and down but you just pushed the comfort zone, keep doing that (post in the anoyomous area if you are too embarraed but post what you want to do and why...thats important).
When it gets too much you may run back to it, or something else that re-enacts the past, its what you are used to, its your comfort zone and thats ok...as long as you keep pushing at it. Be kind to yourself in the times you run back, its a process and its a marathon, not a sprint so this will take time.
FYI: I would never be able to go to SA either and not necessary. You can push at that comfort zone yourself! ;)
it is 100% okay for you to say "Oh f*ck no. You know I have issues with sex, and you just asked me for sex, and that's a deal breaker for me. If you don't automatically know this? I can't be friends with you. Period."
Yep, it sure is and id recommend that in this situation. Do that in times that you are ok, id say defriend him in a time that he's not asking for sex because when he is you may be tempted or it may be a time that you are 'running back to the comfort zone' and steal
@Ragdoll Circus's phrase "its just not working out for me." ;)
But be kind to yourself if you dont, if you run back to him after you defriend him, if you find strange men (i know i keep repeating to be kind to yourself but thats important too)...just keep in mind what it is, its a re-enactment of your past and your comfort zone and the more you call it that, the easier it is to say to yourself "oh, im scared, hurting, to far from my comfort zone, [fill on the blank], and im wanting to run to my comfort zone. Let me go to the site and post instead' and that may or may not work but the more you identify your comfort zones and call them as such, the easier it will be to push at them and be kind to yourself if you ran back there.
If you do run back, post what you did and why, what you were feeling when you did if you know or what days were like leading up to it (this is what my therapist asks and it helps) posting may help you figure it out and when I write it down, even in your diary, seeing it written down helps me and hearing views of those that can relate and what they did to stop helps me.
I still encourage you to tell your therapist (and certianly not saying to use the site instead of your therapist...posting it just helps me to get it in those times i want to or have done it and my therapist isnt there at that point...but my therapist knows). If you need to write it down and show your therapist, or show them your orginal post...just let them read it...you dont even have to say it. They will be better at helping you understand why and how to distract in the times you want to...and understand the emotions you were feeling when you do it which will help you stop as the more you get why, the more you can say "im feeling XYZ and want to do this but im going to do this instead". Sometimes i'll jump in chat here and just into whatever convo is going on there...actually that most of the reason i jump in chat, because i want to and it gets my mind off of it. Its distraction that helps me.
In any case, im glad you are feeling better! You just faced it and Im so proud of you! You know you can message me any time! BIG :hug:s to you from someone that totally "gets it"!
