I am so f*cking sick of my husband and how he treats me when I am triggered. He swears to me ever f*cking time that he will comfort me when I am triggered, but instead he lectures me and tells me how he can't take it when I am triggered.
He lied to me, made me believe he was going to comfort me. We worked out cues and signals. and what doe she do when I I give the signal that he so reaassuing told me he would always comfort me right away. I belived him. He told me he fully understood. He always tells me he fully understand but when it happens, he yells at me and says "I got to jump and run, yes mam what every you order." Why can't I be good enough for him to want to do it.+
He says I want him trained like a dog. I just want to be good enough for someone to care enough about me to want to comfort me.
Why is it so hard to to give someone a hug. I have told him th eonly thing I really want in the worl is for someone to give me a hug with out me asking.
I spent my whole childhood trying to figure it out. All I remeber after I was raped when I was two years old was being scared and my trying to climb in my moms lap and her pushing me down. she said get off me you have boney elbows. I remember just being so scared. even though I don't remeber it happening, I still remeber the e.r. and them holding my down while they stiched me up down there.
and when I was sent to go live with my grandma and she would never touch me ever and I tried so hard to get hugs from the yard durty teacher and would watch her hug other kids, but no one thought I belonged at the school, because everyone else was only there because they were really rich and I was only there because I was reading at a 5th grade level in first grade and won a compitition but i was really poor and white trash.
But i would watch the other kids and try and copy them because i just wanted a hug, but everyone hated me and I always remeber thinking, can't anyone see how bad I am hurting.
Its why I latched on to my uncle when he moved in, I thought he really cared about me, but then I had to please him so attention, and he stopped paying attention to me less and less and I only had to please him and then he would ignore me so when I finaly said I had enough and ran out of the trailer he gave ,me a black eye right in front of my grandma, but even though she coached me on what to say to the dr she always denied it after that and said she remebered me throwing a snow glob at him which was a totaly different incident and he wasn't aroun di threw the snow glob at the fire place cause when I told them he molested me that said I was making it up and I better be sexually pure ofr I was going to hell and sluts make up stuff about being molested.
And then as an adult and bad things happened because I made the mistake of leaving my ex, and I asked my grandma for a hug and she just said "I can't you knwo i don't like hugs"
And that is all I have ever really wanted and i askl my husband over and over and I tell him, all I want is just to offered one with out having to ask or beg.
He is saying right now i think the world revolves me and I don't take into consideration his needs when I am triggered and he tells me Ihe has comforted me, I just don't notice so it must not be good enough. but I woul dknow
he is saying I am ordering him, but how is saying saying pelase I'll do anything you want ordering?
How do make him stop trying to alk to me and tell me things that hurt I have no where to go to get away from him
He lied to me, made me believe he was going to comfort me. We worked out cues and signals. and what doe she do when I I give the signal that he so reaassuing told me he would always comfort me right away. I belived him. He told me he fully understood. He always tells me he fully understand but when it happens, he yells at me and says "I got to jump and run, yes mam what every you order." Why can't I be good enough for him to want to do it.+
He says I want him trained like a dog. I just want to be good enough for someone to care enough about me to want to comfort me.
Why is it so hard to to give someone a hug. I have told him th eonly thing I really want in the worl is for someone to give me a hug with out me asking.
I spent my whole childhood trying to figure it out. All I remeber after I was raped when I was two years old was being scared and my trying to climb in my moms lap and her pushing me down. she said get off me you have boney elbows. I remember just being so scared. even though I don't remeber it happening, I still remeber the e.r. and them holding my down while they stiched me up down there.
and when I was sent to go live with my grandma and she would never touch me ever and I tried so hard to get hugs from the yard durty teacher and would watch her hug other kids, but no one thought I belonged at the school, because everyone else was only there because they were really rich and I was only there because I was reading at a 5th grade level in first grade and won a compitition but i was really poor and white trash.
But i would watch the other kids and try and copy them because i just wanted a hug, but everyone hated me and I always remeber thinking, can't anyone see how bad I am hurting.
Its why I latched on to my uncle when he moved in, I thought he really cared about me, but then I had to please him so attention, and he stopped paying attention to me less and less and I only had to please him and then he would ignore me so when I finaly said I had enough and ran out of the trailer he gave ,me a black eye right in front of my grandma, but even though she coached me on what to say to the dr she always denied it after that and said she remebered me throwing a snow glob at him which was a totaly different incident and he wasn't aroun di threw the snow glob at the fire place cause when I told them he molested me that said I was making it up and I better be sexually pure ofr I was going to hell and sluts make up stuff about being molested.
And then as an adult and bad things happened because I made the mistake of leaving my ex, and I asked my grandma for a hug and she just said "I can't you knwo i don't like hugs"
And that is all I have ever really wanted and i askl my husband over and over and I tell him, all I want is just to offered one with out having to ask or beg.
He is saying right now i think the world revolves me and I don't take into consideration his needs when I am triggered and he tells me Ihe has comforted me, I just don't notice so it must not be good enough. but I woul dknow
he is saying I am ordering him, but how is saying saying pelase I'll do anything you want ordering?
How do make him stop trying to alk to me and tell me things that hurt I have no where to go to get away from him
