Reading what you said seems so familiar. Unfortunately I am currently in a similar boat looking for my own way out, but your experience is at least not unique to you alone, which might help with some of it. I think I know many things about how you feel and felt, about all the different events you mentioned.
Yesterday, an ambulance was called for me due to my shaking in my voice and my hands that stems from my current stressful and unfamiliar situation, even though I feel shaking actually helps express it away in some way. Of course my neighbors saw me getting in there. I too being a super private person at least before, just had the ambo driver tell me that "If I need help I really need to call them", me having a medical bracelet on and a hole in my arm from a blood sample. The optics were pretty stereotypical for someone who is having issues. Some random dude, who I don't know and was forced to walk past the ambulance, heard a lot of it. In the past I would have been so embarrassed. Now I feel like I can handle it. It was not on me, and I have come to realize most people might be unaware but are not evil, and it was unavoidable and people there don't really remember who I was, but for sure some of my next door neighbors, due to it being summer, had their windows open and heard too much for my liking. Even that right now feels like, because I feel I have understood or given up on a lot of that as well, like what people think and so on, which is so unlike what I was like in the past.
My personal issue right now is that I have changed so much from before that everything feels scary and unfamiliar. The fact that I took this so we'll is scary to me, which is funny in a sense. What happened with you would be much more familiar to me. I'm like in an anti-panic panic, where I feel I perhaps should not feel embarrassment about but would have in the past or something, but now don't. I am uncertain if I am blocking the real effects and they will hit like in two weeks during the night, or if I really am alright with this now, and what that means in every possible way. Not sure if my side makes any sense to you, but know that I have been where you are, very much so, and then if you ever feel panicky about not having panic and about being more normal and sensible, then you have arrived where I am now, which I guess hopefully will help you in your future.
People talk and make assumptions. Some more than others. Some don't care or will care in good ways and in bad ways. I guess finding the ones who understand is pretty important. Sounds like your man is one of those people who for some reason will support you through this. That's hopefully a really nice thing to enjoy once things settle down. We also understand you to a large degree, some older people might even understand you more than you do yourself right now, which might also help a lot.
Your post was the first I dared to read here after just arriving and it resonated. I am hopefully more hopeful now. I hope you are too, soon.
Yesterday, an ambulance was called for me due to my shaking in my voice and my hands that stems from my current stressful and unfamiliar situation, even though I feel shaking actually helps express it away in some way. Of course my neighbors saw me getting in there. I too being a super private person at least before, just had the ambo driver tell me that "If I need help I really need to call them", me having a medical bracelet on and a hole in my arm from a blood sample. The optics were pretty stereotypical for someone who is having issues. Some random dude, who I don't know and was forced to walk past the ambulance, heard a lot of it. In the past I would have been so embarrassed. Now I feel like I can handle it. It was not on me, and I have come to realize most people might be unaware but are not evil, and it was unavoidable and people there don't really remember who I was, but for sure some of my next door neighbors, due to it being summer, had their windows open and heard too much for my liking. Even that right now feels like, because I feel I have understood or given up on a lot of that as well, like what people think and so on, which is so unlike what I was like in the past.
My personal issue right now is that I have changed so much from before that everything feels scary and unfamiliar. The fact that I took this so we'll is scary to me, which is funny in a sense. What happened with you would be much more familiar to me. I'm like in an anti-panic panic, where I feel I perhaps should not feel embarrassment about but would have in the past or something, but now don't. I am uncertain if I am blocking the real effects and they will hit like in two weeks during the night, or if I really am alright with this now, and what that means in every possible way. Not sure if my side makes any sense to you, but know that I have been where you are, very much so, and then if you ever feel panicky about not having panic and about being more normal and sensible, then you have arrived where I am now, which I guess hopefully will help you in your future.
People talk and make assumptions. Some more than others. Some don't care or will care in good ways and in bad ways. I guess finding the ones who understand is pretty important. Sounds like your man is one of those people who for some reason will support you through this. That's hopefully a really nice thing to enjoy once things settle down. We also understand you to a large degree, some older people might even understand you more than you do yourself right now, which might also help a lot.
Your post was the first I dared to read here after just arriving and it resonated. I am hopefully more hopeful now. I hope you are too, soon.
