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Why do we keep going? Why do we persist with this deep torment and anguish? It doesn't stop and I can't accept it. The things that happened to me were unfair and I was just a kid, why does it feel like I'm being punished? Everyday is a struggle and I hate waking up to the same pain. I can't...

Today I drove 30 minutes to attend lecture at my church. I was so excited it's been so long since I've been able to go. I originally was going to go with others and then the plans changed so I decided I was still gonna drive out. When I got there I started feeling really anxious and stressed...

In a week I will be moving back to school, thousands of miles away from my hometown, the ultimate trigger. I should be excited and part of me really is. I'm going to be able to grow in ways I can't here. This is everything that I've wanted and worked so hard for the past 10-12 months but my...

Before the quarantine my mother was my hero. Now she's the woman who abused me for 12 years of my life due to her opioid use disorder. She doesn't want treatment, so I've had to cut her out of my life for my own sanity. I'm relieved, but also very confused. I feel somewhat grounded in myself, I...

My sisters and I had an intervention for my mother about her opioid use disorder. It went better than expected, she still is in a crazy amount of denial, but she did say she would consider going to rehab if she could speak to her therapist first. It seems like a reasonable request but our mother...

Today I wonder what it is like to have a father? Watching shows where a father is depicted as caring and compassionate has been unusually hard for me. A pang of longing for that of which I'll never have. My father does exist in my life but we are estranged for very good reason, but sometimes I...

Lots of feelings that reside inside my mind these days. Mainly I just feel like I am on auto pilot, not really sure why I keep going but I just innately do. My passions, motivations and hobbies have all ceased to exist and even if I can muster up the intent and energy to partake in something...

So my college classes began on the 24th. I'm only taking 2 classes this semester because it's all that I could mentally handle and it's only been 1 week of classes and I already couldn't go to my first one today. I just had no motivation or desire to get up. Even worse my courses are online! The...

No matter how I look at it, no matter what choices I ultimately make, I am not met with a sense of peace. I now fully understand the scope of my childhood and the parents that I did not have and will never have. While I make these choices for the betterment of myself, the future ahead of me is...

The pandemic has been hard on everyone, for me it specifically brought out a lot of emotions and memories and abuse that I had repressed all my life. I am thankful those memories have finally come to fruition however the predicament it leaves me in is one of much confusion. I transferred far...

Hello, I discovered this site thanks to the magnificent Pete Walker and his book CPTSD: Surviving to Thriving. **I accidentally posted my introduction before it was finished lol and I couldn't edit it! So here is what I really wanted it to say: It's a bittersweet feeling introducing myself...