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After about 12 months of weekly therapy I finally arrived at a place where I could make peace with my childhood traumas, at least enough to live my life. When I entered therapy I was severely depressed as my 40+ year secret that I had basically disassociated for my entire life came pouring out...

First, I have to say that while my therapy has been effective it also has been disturbing, on many levels. It has forced me to examine my childhood and to explore a long series of traumas that unknown to me shaped my life. So based on what I have learned, here are some of the effects and...

I have been in intensive weekly therapy for 9 months. We have made good progress and I have posted here a few times about that. We have touched on my Dad but tomorrow we are going to focus deeply on the subject, I am nervous. What has been uncovered so far is that in addition to my CSA by a...

Now that my childhood traumas have been uncovered, those I have always known and those I was not aware of, how do I move forward and live my life? I have been in intensive therapy for 7 months which has allowed me to access those hidden feelings that have been controlling my life. Coming to...

Decisions we make when we are young often set us on a path of self destruction. My parents loved me and as an adult I became very close to both my parents, loved them deeply and would give anything to have them in my life (they are both deceased). 6 months into intensive therapy to help me deal...

I realize that when I am talking with my T about my younger years, 10-17 when most of my traumas happened there are many parts I either can't remember clearly or have a hard time remembering details of some events. My brother who is 4 years older propably can help put some of my random thoughts...

I am having some severe anxiety today for a peculiar problem of our times. I have had weekly Tele-Health appointments since November, due to Covid. We are both vaccinated so time to have sessions in person. Video calls allow for a certain amount of protection that in person sessions do not...

20, 30, 40 years ago or for that matter 5 years ago if you had asked me about my childhood upbringing I would have called it pretty normal. Deep in my disassociated highly compartmentalized mind I knew that I had been sexual assaulted by a pedophile from the ages of 10-12. Those memories so...

After 6 months of weekly therapy with a really insightful therapist I am trying to come to grips with what I have learned were multiple traumas in my youth. For over 45 years I never told a sole but new inside that I was damaged by abuse of a pedophile from 10-12. I have lived with the self...

Let me start off by saying that I loved both my parents deeply and they loved me as well. This is what is making this process so complicated. With guidance and help from my T I am beginning to understand my childhood was more complicated. My parents had their issues and got divorced when I was...

I had the strangest thing happen two nights ago, I woke out of a sound sleep and could not breath, literally no inhale and no exhale other than a minor trickle. This went on for 2-3 minutes, my wife was freaking out and trying to clear my throat but there was no obstruction. Slowly over about...

I have now had about 20 weekly sessions with my T. Making progress but still stuck a little on a few things, ok more than a few. My T tells me all the time that I am viewing and judging my actions at that age through my current adult eyes as opposed to me 10yo self. I blame myself for never...

Yesterday I had my wife join in for my session. I have told my wife only the very basic info about my CSA and having her in the session allowed my T to help me fill in the grey spots. I think this was a very good session as she was able to tell my wife more than I can both clinically and...

There is no doubt that therapy has saved me even if it has uncovered additional troubling traumas. I have been lifted out of the depths of debilitating depression and able to function but now I am learning how do deal with additional traumas that I had not considered before. Now my therapy is...

I have now been in weekly Therapy sessions for about 12 weeks. I am lucky in that I found an amazing therapist who specializes in CSA and I can absolutely say she has picked me up off the floor and allowed me to function. I am still dealing with some of the old demons like blaming myself for my...

My T felt it would be good for me to go through photos to see if that helps my memories. I have literally about 10,000 photos from our travels and other events over the last 20 years. I have told my T that I have a hard time looking at them because even though the photos's are of happy times...

I have my appt today and I am planning on asking my T, what is wrong with me or better yet what is your diagnosis. First, is this something you can ask a T? I am looking for suggestions or recommendations on how to do or phrase this?

So as my T starts to help me build a timeline and relive various memories from my youth covering from abut 10 when I was first abused through my HS years some disturbing things are rising to the surface. Let me first say that I deeply loved bth my parents. They (both passed) were good people...

In therapy it has come out multiple times how the fact that I never went to college has damaged me both in reality and in my mind. Let me first say that I come from a family steeped in education. My father graduated from Washington & Lee (he started college at 16) and a Masters from Columbia. My...

Yesterday I had my regular weekly appointment with my T. I found that I was sick to my stomach (IBS Acting up) on Sunday most of the day. My appointment is at 12noon each week and all morning yesterday I was also sick and could not concentrate on work. After my session I felt like I had jsut run...

What I have heard over and over again in Therapy is that my not telling anyone that I was groomed and abused between 10-12 by a professional pedophile (family acquaintance) is not my fault. The problem is, I may be able to understand that from an academic perspective the voice in the pit of my...

As I work my way through therapy it naturally opens up some memories, many that I have buried long ago. My memories from childhood are really mostly flashbacks as opposed to linear clear memories. The flashbacks themselves are usually accompanied by physical manifestations from a sick feeling in...

I guess this is how therapy works but I find myself slowly slipping into dark thoughts and can't concentrate. She is a very good T and specializes in childhood trauma but she is opening doors that have been closed for 45 years and I find myself unable to concentrate, which is very unusual for...

I have spoken here before about how other than my abuse by a family friend that my childhood was pretty normal................turns out not and I suspect I always knew it but disassociated. In sessions with my new T this is becoming more and more apparent. Let me say first, I deeply loved both...

As my brain cycles through feelings and emotions unearthed in Therapy it occurs to me that I am unable to show vulnerability. I suspect I have linked demonstrating vulnerability to my childhood abuse and assault by a pedophile. I am unable to cry or feel strong emotions or should I say unwilling...