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I know rationally it was. I had accepted it was and I have had counselling for it but today I've just had this thought/feeling that it wasn't sa. It might be cause of s situation and the baby seagull dying. And maybe cause I'm still getting nightmares which still aren't making sense. Oddly...

I feel like I shouldn't be talking about this but I need to. I found out today s got 10 years and it shouldn't really be a surprise cause someone else on the news got the same time for doing a similar thing. I know he was encouraging violence but it still seems like a long time, he wasn't the...

I woke up at some unknown time this morning or in the night, I'm not sure. I heard someone sounding upset say stop just stop. I was like what's going on? Who said that? I realised it wasn't my sister who was at work on a night shift, it wasn't dad and it didn't sound like mum. It sounded like me...

I've just been thinking about this and I'm wondering what exactly is it, how does it affect people and what does it mean to people. Like grandads dad treated him weirdly according to mum. She said he never said anything about abuse but once when someone needed an electrician and grandad was one...

I've been thinking about what other languages I could learn and hindi writing looks pretty so I've been considering learning that but I'm not sure cause I have family from India, they all speak English and we're not close to any of them. It could be interesting to learn about Indian culture and...

I'd been having a lot of assault nightmares and thought maybe I was worrying too much that they might be real so I decided to put them to the side and focus on studying but I then had two more assault nightmares. I spoke to a random online counsellor about it and they said that maybe I was...

Last night I was in bed trying to sleep but i couldn't relax cause I felt physically uncomfortable. It felt like something was trying to burst out of me. I had strong urges to make baby noises like how a baby would talk without words and wave my arms around whilst laying in bed. I wasn't upset...

This has popped into my head recently. Ages ago when I wanted to try a new medication for my anxiety and I had to see a psychiatrist. I went with dad who stayed in the room with me and I wanted him there and she said it was fine. So she was asking general questions about my anxiety, what...

I still feel like I'm dreading seeing my autism worker I feel like I've already gone backwards cause I'm just worrying all the time about having to see her. It's like with the alien I'd always be worried about the next time. I think she just makes me feel unsafe and scared and I can't cope with...

Hi I'm lilac (not actually my real name but I like it so I'm going by that on here) I'm 23 but will be 24 in about a week. As you can see I'm not diagnosed and for your information I'm not expecting or wanting anyone on here to diagnose me. Let's go through things I actually remember though...

My autism worker today said she doesn't know how I'd be diagnosed with ptsd cause I have autism and she says autism is making it more difficult for me to process things. What do people think about this? Have you had a problem getting a ptsd diagnosis cause you already had an autism diagnosis...

I have to write what I'm specifically upset about with the bad day that happened with my autism worker. The main thing is that she triggered me by reminding me of person in my nightmare but really so she actually understands what I'm talking about I need to explain it all fully. I started...

I've had a few rape nightmares recently and I also had a flashback of grandad holding me down on a bed me saying stop stop, the duvet disappearing and then only seeing part of my bare arm with one of his hands on the wrist I could see. And my vagina throbbing. I believe the flashback was real...

So for people's understanding, my grandad abused my sisters and went to prison for it many years ago. He got out and it felt like everyone pretty much acted like nothing happened though we saw him only once a year at first. Eventually he got quite ill and when taking him to hospital nanny was...

I often have nightmares now about random people raping or assaulting me, sometimes it's my abuser assaulting me but it's never him raping me. I had an assault/near rape by random guy on Saturday night and on Sunday night I had a nightmare where I was told I wasn't abused but given pictures of me...

I started learning Japanese and stopped for about 3 weeks cause I've been struggling and not felt like doing anything. Now I'm going to try learning it again and try to have more of a study plan and just stick to that hobby mainly rather than trying to do different things. Is anyone else...

I've had tics for a few years after developing over time extreme social anxiety. My family said they don't know anyone else that will uncontrollably shake and twitch like I do from anxiety even if it's bad anxiety. Does anyone on here have a problem with this. I think I'm really slowly starting...

I got told by an online counsellor from kooth that pinkie taking over is how I deal with past sexual abuse. But it stresses me out randomly feeling like I'm 5 and like I'm also still normal me and pinkie keeps popping out and wanting to act like a child and scribble in my journals when I don't...

Yesterday I kept constantly switching between feeling really happy and childish to angry and wanting to self harm. I would feel like my normal self then randomly feel hyper and want to jump about. I wanted to draw something nice and take my time but I only drawed a really childish drawing cause...

My only in person support has just refused to help me with my trauma anymore shewould listen and give her thoughts and opinions on things like my nightmares and now she's just dropped me cause it got too difficult for her to deal with. I'm really upset and angry and want to self harm. I don't...

I told pinkie last night that she could process things through my nightmares and I wouldn't get angry with her for it. I got really upset and I don't know why. I then went to bed. Last night I had a dream where I was in our kitchen sitting next to what was supposed to be my uncle (it was just a...

I'm thinking pinkie (child me) sent me body memories and then her being raped maybe cause she was trying to process it and she put me in her head space so maybe she didn't think she needed to send me the body memories for a bit. I think she has been trying to ease me into processing for her by...

I like wearing wigs sometimes so I can change my hair colour and I noticed that sometimes when I feel bad I will put on a wig and pretend I'm someone else I have my purple one on now and I have to take it off to go to bed but I don't want to feel completely like me again. I want to be lilac.

I tried emdr and during it my down there was throbbing similar to after a flashback I had of being pinned to a bed but more subtle. Ever since the flashback I've had my down there throb randomly quite a lot I don't know why this keeps happening in general and during emdr. I can't ask a therapist...

Is imagining your a child and fantasising about your abuser touching child you or getting child you to touch yourself, normal? I always do this I never imagine anyone else just that person but I don't remember them ever touching me down there though I do remember them touching my bum whilst...