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I am freaking out in a good way. I sent in another application on Sunday thinking nothing would come of it. They called today and asked if I can fly to Atlanta on Wednesday to pick up my dog and do a condensed course. So I am totally freaking out. They said that my application was in the top...

I did the same thing. When I received my award letter from the VA I was absolutely devastated. The worse part was I got what other's want and I didn't appreciate it. I was also declared permanent and totally disabled from PTSD at 42. So after a few days of crying I went on. Now, I have...

Haley, Telling you this is very, very hard for me. I was sexually reactive as a child. I was sexually abused. When I was as young as 5 and as old as 10 I had my friends do things to me and I did things to them. I had a lot of sexual knowledge. I never made anyone do anything, but I showed...

I applied to a place called heeling heroes. Also, I found a trainer who would basically do classes with me for free and can help me find a dog. However, it would be a two hour drive (one way, four hours round trip), twice a week. I'm not sure if I am in a place that I can do that right now.

To be honest, I am so triggered. My parents are gone, but I can't come out of it. I spent the entire day trying not to cut or stab and I finally gave into it. That only makes me feel worse. I'm in flashback hell. I cannot think of a more powerful trigger than spending time with the person...

Good for you. Also, if you need help sooner the VA always has a walk in clinic.

I missed the first opportunity. I didn't say anything to my psychiatrist. I see my therapist on Friday. I want to feel better. I am hoping that I am so badly triggered by my parents visit that it will go away with them. I have always, always thought about it. I remember it starting when I...

I promise I am good till after Christmas. I would never ruin it for them forever.

you both are very sweet

That's a really good idea, maybe I can pass a note, I'm serious

It's so hard, I do have such mixed emotions. I really do feel like a terrible person, the guilt is so bad. Yet, my kids, but they are older. Sucks, I don't really want to tell my therapist.

Just under three months ago I had a serious suicide attempt. I was gradually, very gradually doing better. I was triggered this weekend and found myself starting to plan another way. I have starting to think I need to wait until after Christmas so my 16 & 19 year old can have that. I also...

I know it takes a lot to tell them. It's a lot harder to do something than nothing. Good on you! Let me know how it goes.

I go to the VA and I have been through some crazy stuff. I really didn't want to tell them about the self harm I do. I was afraid as you are that they would admit me. They have not and I now feel confident that they will not. When I told them my HR doubled and my BP skyrocketed I was so...

I've started to calm down and now I just feel selfish. I didn't intend to whine, I was having a moment. I have actually get good support from VA providers and I feel my disability is more than generous. It seems like small things just set me off these days.

I was in the army for 22 years, and I am a combat vet. I am 100% SC T&P for PTSD, I also have major depressive disorder, self injurious behavior, and anorexia. I tried to kill my on 9 September, this year. It's been a struggle and the self harm keeps escalating. Feeling like I need to do...

This resonates with me in a different, but same way. Yesterday I rewrote the ending to my repetitive dream. At the very end I am invited into the house of a mother figure (a woman I imagined as a child) she wrapped me in a blanket, fed me, then put me to bed. She sat on the side of the bed...

I understand you. I use to do a lot of what you describe. I had forgotten about the compulsions (touching things) I had as a teen until you just reminded me. I was also abused by my dad. I do remember feeling like something was wrong with me and I needed help. I never got it at your age and...

I have been here and still am at times, it's getting better. First, I can now recognize the difference between ideation and intent/plans. Either way it needs to be addressed, but one is an ER visit and the other is not. If you have a plan, it is a visit to the ER. If you cannot make it there...

Awesome on saying no, it can be so difficult. I currently have 10,000 comic books in my garage that are not mine. Every time I look at them I just sigh. I would much rather have the space for say....a car. I try to read my assertiveness rights and follow through. It is slow, but I am doing...

I think it is about where you go from here. I am sure this was a huge lesson for both of you, but that doesn't really matter at this moment; I suspect. The big thing is the huge SECRET is out there. And, it was a secret you were not ready to share. I have been told several times in therapy...

I can't imagine how you feel. This is something that I worry about. I have never disclosed my abuse to my kids and honestly never intend to. I think the most important thing you said here is that you are not ready. I don't know if you could simply say "I sense you have questions, but I am...

I'm just tired. I don't relax even in my home. I don't know what it feels like to not be exhausted, but I would like to know. I'm tired of my heart rate doubling because I am standing in line and there are people behind me. I'm tired of every night having my eyes glued to my bedroom door...

I would never change my therapist. It took a year for me to trust her, no way would I start over. I think I will consider going outside the VA for medical care, if it means getting care I need. I will say the VA has treated me very well. I just don't like how everyone can see my most private...

Thank you for your response. I use the VA. I do have outside insurance for medical (not dental) so it is something I can consider. It's bad enough to feel like I feel like a sign is stamped onto my forehead, but to know it is a banner called the problem list makes it worse. Right now I have...