Military Upset, I Feel Less Than, Can't Stop Crying

[Canotia]

I was in the army for 22 years, and I am a combat vet. I am 100% SC T&P for PTSD, I also have major depressive disorder, self injurious behavior, and anorexia. I tried to kill my on 9 September, this year. It's been a struggle and the self harm keeps escalating. Feeling like I need to do something I inquired with a local organization about a service dog. They help vet's with TBI and PTSD that is combat related. My PTSD is service connected, but not from combat. I am female. I cried on the phone as they told me that they couldn't help me, because it wasn't from actual combat. I feel like everything is for men, who are important (I do not want to invalidate anyone here), but I feel so less important. When I go to the VA I find myself having to repeat over and over that I am a vet. I don't fit what people think a vet looks like. Often when I go for an appointment I stand in line while vets are being asked last name and last 4. When I get there the clerk asks to see my VA card, like I am impersonating a vet. With Vietnam Era vets (most of my VA) when I tell them I am a vet, they say they are a combat vet and dismiss me. Maybe I need to wear a hat? Just sucks, to not even belong in the community. To not belong anywhere.

I just feel so beat down after that call and I cannot stop crying. They guy was super apologetic, but it doesn't matter, does it?

 

[Canotia]

I've started to calm down and now I just feel selfish. I didn't intend to whine, I was having a moment. I have actually get good support from VA providers and I feel my disability is more than generous. It seems like small things just set me off these days.

 

[Friday]

I keep being told : Better out than in.

I'm maaaaaybe starting to believe it. ;) For real, it's outstanding advice, no sarcasm; I just suck at it.

You know... It was honestly the reminder: Troops ain't bitching, something's wrong... That hit me. No shit. Something has been wrong for a helluva long time. Better out than in. Right.

I don't have a lot of words right now, but I hear you. On every f*cking count. Some of the details are different, but damn do I hear you.

 

[Muttly]

I'm not a vet, so I don't normally wander over here. I have a good friend who is a vet with PTSD, but not from combat experience and I know he's experienced some of the experiences you talk about. And he's a man though, so he doesn't have that added factor. It sounds so lonely and exhausting to deal with that. I'm sorry. It's not at all what you deserve.

 

[Shoob]

Canotia, I am sorry that you were not able to get a service dog from the one place. Have you checked with other service dog places? There is a place called Shepherds for Lost Sheep that a few people from WWP have gotten a dog from them. Maybe you could give them a try.

 

[Canotia]

I applied to a place called heeling heroes. Also, I found a trainer who would basically do classes with me for free and can help me find a dog. However, it would be a two hour drive (one way, four hours round trip), twice a week. I'm not sure if I am in a place that I can do that right now.

 

[Canotia]

I am freaking out in a good way. I sent in another application on Sunday thinking nothing would come of it. They called today and asked if I can fly to Atlanta on Wednesday to pick up my dog and do a condensed course. So I am totally freaking out. They said that my application was in the top three of seriousness of all the applicants they have ever received so they are bumping me to the top. I was honest with it. Still I am experiencing anxiety for going to get an anxiety dog. I'm okay with that, I just need to breathe, calm down, try to relax...

 

[gealach]

I am freaking out in a good way. I sent in another application on Sunday thinking nothing would come o...

I'm so thrilled for you, what happy news!!!!!! :D:joyful::playful:

 

[Here_Still]

I was in the army for 22 years, and I am a combat vet. I am 100% SC T&P for PTSD, I also have major de...

Can you extend your range of support tot involve MLA's or people in office in the states that you work or live in to advocate for you?