General “He just needs more sports. And a cold shower“

[Never_falter2]

So I have been talking to my cousin. We have basically grown up together for a time. He knows vet has ptsd. If he gets what ptsd is, not sure.
He asked me how everybody is doing. I told him (among other things about the family and things about vets work) that vet had real bad insomnia and that he had constipation.
He told me that vet needed more exercise. He told me several before and I had told him several times before that vet gets enough exercise. My cousin said if he would be really tired he would be able to sleep (as if it was that easy...) and that if he had a cold shower in the morning he would feel fit for the day. He has a cold shower in the morning and still sometimes feels so tired.

Then he told me he thinks vet can really be a little whiny about those things which is unfair. Vet didn’t whine. I whined but that’s something different.
Why is it so hard to get for some people that some people do a lot of things right (excercise, have a cold shower) and still feel a bit unwell?

And why are there so many people who don’t understand that combat ptsd often (or actually nearly always) isn’t acting like a crazed character from a movie but being unable to sleep even though you ARE very tired and you DID excercise.

I am feeling very unhappy that me and Vet often are all alone in this and people are being so stupid.

 

[Never_falter2]

BTW what I guess everybody on this board already knows: they cannot portray ptsd in the movies in a realistic way because that would be a boring movie:

Early morning: Daddy gets up and is very tired cause he could not sleep. Daddy goes for a jog, has a cold shower, still feels tired. Goes to work, still feels tired, comes home, cannot eat something decent because he has gut issues, watch’s a bit TV, needs a bit help going to sleep, wakes in the middle of the night, cannot go back to sleep, cleans the kitchen instead.

Reality would be a boring movie.

That’s the reason why so many characters with ptsd on the movies had odd and unrealistic symptoms because they are more interesting than real life.

But I am sort of sad people do not understand ptsd and confuse it with what they see in movies or read in novels... which makes them less sympathetic.

 

[Hojay]

You’re right, the real PTSD is more like the slow and agonizing European art house type of movie. Then again, at times I had scenes of One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest spliced in, so I’m not sure the cliched depiction is all together wrong at times, ha.

 

[blackemerald1]

Totally agree with you there @Never_falter2 - the media has messed up portraying anyone very accurately so I am not surprised anyone with ptsd is left out too.

Your cousin has no idea about fatigue and how that affects ppl.

The quick fix for an otherwise healthy mind and body might be running a few kilometres and taking a cold shower. (I don't get the cold shower part... how does that help anything?) But not someone with such a serious condition as ptsd.

I swim a LOT plus I do other stuff and it's still really hard to even get into bed. It's such a struggle... and it's so hard on you. You were sharing some of your concerns in real life, with a relative and received a rather unsupportive response. :hug:

 

[Never_falter2]

@blackemerald1 Yeah... I guess that really nobody gets what i am talking about and this is sad makes you feel so lonely. My cousins and me are actually close... but even people who are close to me just don’t understand.

Yep, there are so many people portrayed in a wrong light in the media (Germans for example) and nannies... if you believe the movies you never hire a nanny cause she is plotting to kill your kids... or rednecks... you know the ones which appear in horror movies and you know: Oh, no, they are psychopathic murders don’t you see this??? Just the characters on the movies never get this until it is too late.

 

[blackemerald1]

You know @Never_falter2 - I think your relatives mean well. They have good intentions I'm sure but they simply don't have the information to understand the complexity of ptsd. So if you are finding yourself in a lonely place when wanting to discuss issues you and your man face in relation to ptsd... well I can understand why. Most ppl simply don't understand it at all. But they do mean well. Even if that leaves you out in the cold when trying to share your experiences in the real world.

Even us sufferers don't understand it all. I'm shocked at how little I understand this condition and it side swipes me quite regularly with how persistent and pervasive it is.

The media are only out to make a dollar. If that means stereotyping ppl they will do it. I also sit there and see the stupidity and predictability of the way media present stories. It seems they believe the public has a very bland appetite. Maybe that's why when an independant presents something a little more thoughtful the accolades are huge.

 

[Friday]

It’s one of the most common self defense mechanisms.

I cannot remember the name of it at the moment :facepalm:

In short, it assigns the other person a negative trait, whilst assigning yourself the opposite. So you’re “safe”. Because you do the thing they don’t. Meanwhile if the same thing happens to you? It wasn’t because of the negative trait. It was unavoidable.

THEY slipped because they weren’t paying attention.
(I pay attention, so I won’t slip)
*I* slipped because of an icy patch. Of course I was paying attention, anyone would have slipped!

THEIR child got sick because they weren’t feeding them properly, dressing them warmly, keeping them clean, etc..
(I feed my child properly, dress them warmly, so they won’t get sick)
MY child got sick because of the flu going around school. It was unavoidable. They all got sick.

HE’S not sleeping well because he’s not exercising.
(I exercise, so I’ll sleep well)
If I sleep badly? Well it’s clearly not because I wasn’t exercising enough, anyone would sleep badly with XYZ happening!

Shrug. It’s just people being people.

The name of this defense mechanism escaping me is driving me a bit insane right now. :facepalm: It’s related to Reverse Logic Fallacy

Sick people take pills.
Therefore? If I don’t take pills, I won’t get sick!
( :rolleyes: Noooooo. It doesn’t work that way.)

It’s also related to the “It could never happen to me! // I never thought it could happen to me!” defense mechanism (Of course “It” can happen to you. “It” can happen to anyone... is too scary a concept for most people. So their mind finds various ways to distance/protect themselves from the random nature of life).

The ways in which we try and assert control over the uncontrollable? (Life, the world, other people)... is crazy predicitble. And very interrelated.

The idea that you can do all the right things, and still have bad things happen? That bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people? Is something most people struggle with to some degree.

I generally listen for tone. If someone is being enthsiastic, attempting to offer solutions? I take them as meaning well / trying to help by offering the best they know. If they’re being defensive and obnoxious? I ignore them. (Or have some fun with them, but I’m not a very nice person sometimes.)

Why is it so hard to get for some people that some people do a lot of things right (excercise, have a cold shower) and still feel a bit unwell?

To be fair, though? :inlove:

I looooooooove waking up and falling into a swimming pool and spending the whole day active. It’s bliss. And helps moderate my symptoms tremendously. A brisk morning wake up & an energetically spent day isn’t bad advice for living. It’s just quite simply not all there is to living with PTSD.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Why is it so hard to get for some people that some people do a lot of things right (excercise, have a cold shower) and still feel a bit unwell?

And why are there so many people who don’t understand that combat ptsd often (or actually nearly always) isn’t acting like a crazed character from a movie but being unable to sleep even though you ARE very tired and you DID excercise.

The millon dollar questions!

Though would argue any PTSD, not just combat PTSD, makes you act like a crazied character.

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh yeah the tortured soul, torn between the ghosts of his/her past and and an obvious solution to all of the big questions... I wish real life was actually so simple. But if I had a dollar for everyone that has hungrily eaten that storyline up - I would be indescribably wealthy.

Maybe I'm too cynical and jaded to see past the falsity of it all. Idk...

And helps moderate my symptoms tremendously.

^Absolutely agree and it's the same for me.

Actually I think if a professional had told me to get moving/exercise more when I was diagnosed maybe I would be healthier in mind and body now or at least managing better. But that is pure speculation.

 

[LuckiLee]

Most people don't understand ptsd, depression and anxiety. A very small percentage of the world suffer from these disorders. (@Friday would probably know the actual numbers)

We come to this community and we all share this (bittersweet) bond and we think everyone should understand it. And that couldn't be farther from the truth.

I don't share much with my loved ones for a few different reasons.

1. I don't want people to worry.
2. Everything goes in one ear and out the other alot of the time.
3. J is a very private person so I keep things private and it's really no one's business anyways.
4. People just don't understand or want to. (Most doctors don't even understand the disorder)

We have to remember that the majority of people even our closest friends and family know nothing about mental illness. Only what they see on TV, the news or in movies which is very rarely factual. And only perpetuates the stigma and misconceptions of mental health.

I have a few different people I confide in. Two women at work whose spouses suffer from ptsd and bipolar disorder. (I am so grateful to have found these 2 women. I'll be sure and tell them tomorrow!) Two of my best friends one who was recently diagnosed with ptsd herself. My guy, J. I am so lucky in that he includes me on his healing journey because I would have no clue how ptsd effects him or what he need in different situations. And the people here who's knowledge and advice is invaluable to me as supporter! I'm so grateful for this little community.

@Never_falter2 , do you know any spouses of combat veterans? Any of hubby's friends, wives? Any groups you could find in your area for supporters? Maybe a therapist for you so you can share your concerns and challenges?? Supporters need support too!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry your hubby is having such a hard time but I'm really glad he has you! You take such good care of him, unfortunately we can't change people. They have to do the work themselves.

I'm hoping things are better for you tomorrow and Hubby starts feeling better soon!

XO

 

[Friday]

. (@Friday would probably know the actual numbers

:roflmao::hilarious: That’s because I have a TBI that doesn’t let me remember numbers!!! Every time I wanna general idea I have to go look that shit up!

(There are only 2 kinds of statistics : The kind you look up, or make up. ;))

So it’s not that I know them... it’s that I look them up and write them down. :bag:

 

[blackemerald1]

I loathed statistics when I had to do it (compulsory) at Univ., and I pity anyone that can remember that blah blah off the top of their heads... :hilarious: :sneaky: :oops: :sorry: