Sufferer 41 years ago and I'm still traumatized

[cetiya]

People don’t as a rule who haven’t experienced it. I don’t ask anyone to understand anymore. I have a couple people, one I’m married to the, other a therapist. Neither of them get it completely. I feel lucky though even to have that. I hope you feel better.

Yeah, I'm over it. I did a podcast about my kidnapping. She heard it and still doesn't understand. Oh well!

 

[StillPen]

I knew I'd find people that understand here! Its aggravating but what can you do? I'm over it. I guess ill have my understanding from total strangers and give up on her! Oh well she's a good friend in other ways

Understanding she is a good friend in other ways is key, imo. The more you are here and share and reach out, you'll find that even though we are strangers, really we are not. We "get" each other. I have found a kinship here I've only found in one other place and that was A.A. (still sober, not active in that program anymore). As they say, "we are zebras trying to fit in a world of horses". Same make, different models. I could no more ask your friend to wear and understand stripes than I could ask you not to have any.

My dad asked me why I couldn't just "let it go" not too long ago. He asked from a place of love...he wants to see me get better. I told him with PTSD, I desperately want to let go, but my trauma won't let go of me. That's what flashbacks do, they grab hold of you when you least expect it...they grab hold of you when you try to be prepared for it. I let go every single day. He's 87...although very general in discription as my PTSD is way more complex than flashbacks, that seemed to help him understand it a tiny bit more.

I hope you can find kinship, and even possibly friendship, here.

 

[cetiya]

Understanding she is a good friend in other ways is key, imo. The more you are here and share and reach out, you'll find that even though we are strangers, really we are not. We "get" each other. I have found a kinship here I've only found in one other place and that was A.A. (still sober, not active in that program anymore). As they say, "we are zebras trying to fit in a world of horses". Same make, different models. I could no more ask your friend to wear and understand stripes than I could ask you not to have any.

My dad asked me why I couldn't just "let it go" not too long ago. He asked from a place of love...he wants to see me get better. I told him with PTSD, I desperately want to let go, but my trauma won't let go of me. That's what flashbacks do, they grab hold of you when you least expect it...they grab hold of you when you try to be prepared for it. I let go every single day. He's 87...although very general in discription as my PTSD is way more complex than flashbacks, that seemed to help him understand it a tiny bit more.

I hope you can find kinship, and even possibly friendship, here.

I love my friend. We've known each other since we were 11 years old. Friend like that are worth keeping,!
People don't understand PTSD never goes away. For me anyway.

 

[Freddyt]

Simply put - PTSD isn't the person refusing to let go of the past, it's the past refusing to let go of the person.

 

[cetiya]

Simply put - PTSD isn't the person refusing to let go of the past, it's the past refusing to let go of the person.

Boy you got that right! Thanks

 

[Weemie]

Welcome. You are in the right place. I am sorry your friend is not able to support & validate you with understanding. I'll say one thing. When I first started going to therapy to put my head on right, my first T -- hella experienced, did DDR in Rwanda. Knew what he was talking about. Knew what I was talking about.

Not a hack or quack. I respect him a great deal. He did ask me, have you considered forgiving them? and we went back and forth on forgiveness and he said, forgiveness is about letting go. So in a sense, he did ask me, have you considered letting it go?

&& it was actually a very useful question. At first I was fairly angry because he knew and yet he still had the audacity to ask me that? But as I've considered it and processed it and worked it through, I've come to realize that there is value in letting go. Of some things. Not everything.

Forgiveness is an important goal of mine, because I want to let go of the anger. The rage. The heartbreak. The grief. The confusion and fear and devastation and hopelessness and despair and terror and anxiety and inhumanity. The violence, aggression, disgust, filth, torture, ruin, depravity. I would like to let go of those things within me, because they are a roadblock to peace.

But what I don't want to let go of, what I would like to honor, is the very real magnitude of all that did indeed happen. Because it was egregious. Because it was a crime against the human spirit. Because it was wrong and because it is something that continues to occur globally in perpetuity, and that is not something I am ever going to be "OK" with "letting go."

For me, and for the other victims as well. Letting go of suffering doesn't mean erasing it. It winds up being two-fold, at least for me. Yes, there can be letting go. Yes, there can be peace. There can be acceptance. There can be joy, and light, and hope. But there cannot be letting go without honoring yourself and your experiences, wholly and completely.

Unfortunately, I know your friends very likely do not mean their statements in this way. They probably just mean, "why can't you just get over it?" and the answer to that is very easy, at least for me.

The harm that comes when human beings do violence to one another should not be something to "just get over." It should not be something to consign to the darkness and ether. We must honor that it damages, destroys, harms. We are whole worlds onto ourselves, and trauma takes us from ourselves and debases us and devastates us.

Suffering cannot be alleviated until it is acknowledged and the human person is elevated up out of it.

Only then can we take the necessary steps to ameliorate our society.

 

[cetiya]

Welcome. You are in the right place. I am sorry your friend is not able to support & validate you with understanding. I'll say one thing. When I first started going to therapy to put my head on right, my first T -- hella experienced, did DDR in Rwanda. Knew what he was talking about. Knew what I was talking about.

Not a hack or quack. I respect him a great deal. He did ask me, have you considered forgiving them? and we went back and forth on forgiveness and he said, forgiveness is about letting go. So in a sense, he did ask me, have you considered letting it go?

&& it was actually a very useful question. At first I was fairly angry because he knew and yet he still had the audacity to ask me that? But as I've considered it and processed it and worked it through, I've come to realize that there is value in letting go. Of some things. Not everything.

Forgiveness is an important goal of mine, because I want to let go of the anger. The rage. The heartbreak. The grief. The confusion and fear and devastation and hopelessness and despair and terror and anxiety and inhumanity. The violence, aggression, disgust, filth, torture, ruin, depravity. I would like to let go of those things within me, because they are a roadblock to peace.

But what I don't want to let go of, what I would like to honor, is the very real magnitude of all that did indeed happen. Because it was egregious. Because it was a crime against the human spirit. Because it was wrong and because it is something that continues to occur globally in perpetuity, and that is not something I am ever going to be "OK" with "letting go."

For me, and for the other victims as well. Letting go of suffering doesn't mean erasing it. It winds up being two-fold, at least for me. Yes, there can be letting go. Yes, there can be peace. There can be acceptance. There can be joy, and light, and hope. But there cannot be letting go without honoring yourself and your experiences, wholly and completely.

Unfortunately, I know your friends very likely do not mean their statements in this way. They probably just mean, "why can't you just get over it?" and the answer to that is very easy, at least for me.

The harm that comes when human beings do violence to one another should not be something to "just get over." It should not be something to consign to the darkness and ether. We must honor that it damages, destroys, harms. We are whole worlds onto ourselves, and trauma takes us from ourselves and debases us and devastates us.

Suffering cannot be alleviated until it is acknowledged and the human person is elevated up out of it.

Only then can we take the necessary steps to ameliorate our society.

What a thoughtful response! Thanks. I can't forgive my kidnapper for what I saw him do. I don't want to forgive him . I freely admit I hate him. I think my problem is I didn't find the right therapist until much later, maybe if I had a good one in the beginning I might be different today. Who knows