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5 Things I'm Thinking Today

  • Post starter Post starter Deleted member 29920
  • Start date Start date
1. I found a Remembrance Day poppy.
2. I saw a V of geese. Very late, or summer's over? Second time.
3.' We'll all see each other when we're dead'. Great. I can't remember people in a week, or a month. Why crucify my self further? I've already waited 20, 30 , 40 years, have no desire for another 40. Have no desire or place to 'see' anyone.
4. Suffering with anxiety causes more distress from hope it will end, when it only worsens. Suffering vs suffering and waiting for the next bomb to drop with 20 on the horizon isn't worth it to me. I don't care who judges it.
 
I think I am much deeper in grief of loosing my son than I have admitted to myself before.
I think I am soooo damned tired of being depressed, and always having to 'work' at it.
I think I could not sleep long enough to satisfy this internal need for rest.
I think I am so very very weary of mourning losses.
I think I need to come up with new avoidance behaviors.
 
1.) I really wanted to say, "save the drama for your mama" to someone offline today.
2.) Am I a jerk?
3.) Where are my keys? Oh, in my hand.
4.) I think my guy friend might have some of the signs of an eating disorder and I'm not sure what to say, but I do hope he knows I'm here for him
5.) I have been on hold with the IRS for HOW long?
 
1. Being at work despite being sick - my group leader was very supportive. It was almost cute.
2. My head is killing me. :banghead::banghead::banghead:
3. Off to bed soon.
4. Presentation went well - and why was I the only one speaking English?! Did my colleagues not learn it in school?!
5. Magnus Bane, cast a spell, please.
 
1. The upsides, since I whine about the downsides often enough: I should toss that attachment fear. I'm f*cking good at finding people. Which should mean once I remove that bloody mental filter & Everything Is Gloom And Doom, what? Finding people. Meeting people. Fidelis & not fading out people.
2. Okay, another not hiring place. f*cking headdesk, already.
3. More focusing on the basics. Grounding and tortillas.
4. Back to focusing on two other countries. Almost sanity even if not enough. (Hey, Amor & Corazon the headmates, make me some /lists/ bloody dang it. Lists when not coping, I can go with. Images & clear course of action when I'm better instead of them, later.)
5. I'd be really grateful if people stopped with a constellation of things that spells out Undid Ronin. Fine, we're playing f*cking mikado, once again. Take away this stick and do not have the whole person falling down. And that other stick is not for the points you want it to. Essentials learned through years of playing games & f*ck all use right now, but let's try.
 
I think grieving the death of the relationship with my son, will allow a lot of good and healthy to come into my life.
I think the constant reminder of getting older and being in constant pain is depressing me further.
I think I am so not done doing what I want and need in this life I've been given.
I think without this place I would be drooling oatmeal in some nasty lock down somewhere.
I think I CAN, so therefore, I CAN....
 

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