5 Things I'm Thinking Today

[Deleted member 29920]

1. Regardless if attacker has another job, still means he had to leave his beloved one of sixteen years :p
2. Where is my freaking package?! :bored:
3. I really have to lose this weight :eek:
4. My apartment smells of banana :laugh:
5. Brrrr! :coldfeet:

 

[Recovery4Me]

1. I realize that for me, some days may hold a facsimile of balance for extended periods: I ride out the remainder of time as a constant of PTSD.
2. I am tired of being marginalized and inferences from Doctors to take more meds and life will be better.
3. I am having trouble with 'freezing' modes when I am confronted by the external systems of health care.
4. I found it hard to offer that disassociation precludes body awareness when I was asked several questions by Doctors such as do you loose consciousness during physical disease attacks or other questions concerning body awareness.
5. I realized it was hard to know for sure the variance between sever dissociation and unconsciousness for me & I began to panic within the exam.

*I felt I needed a therapist interrupter during the exam.:wideeyed:

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm thinking about the 15 boxes I had to pack in a hurry and store at my sister's house before I moved almost 5 years ago.

I'm thinking about how my sister wants to get online and go through those 15 boxes with her laptop to show me what's in the boxes to repack them and send them to me at my expense which is ok.

I'm thinking about how everything in those boxes are basically items from my physical environment where I went through 9 years of emotional abuse from the ex.

I'm thinking about how much anxiety I already have just thinking about looking at those items. Some of them are things like the ex's old sweatshirts.

I'm thinking about how triggering it's going to be to literally look back into my past and have it shown to me. All of the memories emotions and reminders of things I wish I never experienced and I wish I could forget. I don't need to look into boxes to see my past. I know that PTSD already throws my past at me. I'm really feeling the avoidance symptom. I'm really not looking forward to when my phone rings in the next few minutes with my sister on the other end knowing I'll have to turn on my computer and literally look at my past.

 

[mary1979]

That today is going to suck. 5 hours sleep in 2 days plus a head cold is going to make work difficult.

That its time I took a step back from digging into my brain/past for answers to my current behaviour and just focus on steps to alter the behaviour for a while.

That I've become ridiculously triggered because of all the digging, old and long forgotten triggers have returned and I've given myself a couple new bonus ones as well, good one dick head.

That my husbands comment about my continual and obsessive desire to understand and empathise with abuser (and all abusers in general) causes me to undermine my own suffering and ultimately victimises him, and so confirming I'm just like him, is perhaps correct and way too close to the bone.
For a long time I thought my ability to empathise was a positive quality, f*ckit.

That the above realisation leaves me thinking that if I deal with that head on as I should then I will lose such a huge part of my identity that i won't have a clue who the hell I even am anymore.

Too hard basket. Just get through the day woman, she'll be right.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Wonders why when I feel I'm doing great inner work I eat so much sweets and junk it makes those kids in the Willie Wonka movie look like amateurs

Where are those antacids?

Got flowers for Administrative Professionals Day. Would have preferred cash. I'm ungrateful but hope it didn't show. Took a picture of the flowers cause I felt guilty. Lied when I said I wanted to post it on FB.

Hate that I will have to review travel for my old office when it should be the office manager who is in place there now , who was my old boss, which means I will be doing his work and it is so triggering I can't stand it.

Want to beg my manager, please don't make me eat shit from that office but that will just give me an extra helping.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

A coworkers dad passed away recently. I smelled alcohol on her breath today and I both do and don't want to reach out.

I am too new here to get involved

I feel her pain

Afraid of opening a door I will shut and cause more damage

I'm an heartless bitch if I don't try to reach out.

 

[Heather]

I'm doing my best and it's not good enough
This parenting stuff is hard work
I'm depressed
My anxiety is ok today (amazing)
I love my cat

 

[Recovery4Me]

1. I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone several times as of late.
2. So I am both messing up as well as succeeding in some areas.
3. I treated myself to an old time personal coffee percolator as my french press & electric kettle bit the dust.
4. I binged on 4 large cookies today. (not pizza size...lol):facepalm:
5. I walked into a mall btw to get the percolator but shopped in only one store. :rolleyes:lol Next time...I will go into the whole mall.:clown::tup:

 

[Deleted member 29920]

1. Got my freaking package :D :D :D
2. Snow! :)
3. Brrrrrr
4. Hot water bottle!
5. :D

 

[corvidae]

1: how much honey can one shove into a cup of hot water along with a tea bag and still respectably call it tea?
2: anxiety and nightmares should stay in Shakespearean plays instead of being my personal assistants.
3: still beans and bananas; also have added apples.
4: it's (maple tree) helicopter season!
5: trauma and abuse are tricky; it's a wonder that telling other people about what happened doesn't kill them on the spot.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Realized when parts of me are feeling stronger it makes other parts anxious. Hence the inhaling of junk.

Have appointment with T today and I am nervous I will punk out and not say what I really want to.

I will not punk out!

I cannot afford to punk out emotionally or financially.

In the work bathroom long enough with my phone and vape. Time to get back to work.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think people who haven't suffered severe trauma look on the bright side.
Or maybe that's not suffered abandonment?
Sometimes there's no silver lining.
I think people who haven't gone through bottomed-out traumas (yet), can't believe there's no silver lining.
Too tired/ not inclined to thinking more thoughts.