Undiagnosed A Bit Original Struggle, Possibly

[Engineer]

What happened?

I talked they called mom and mom came up. She acted all calm and collected. Afterwards we left the school. Then she demanded to know why I was there and what I said. When I refused she kept yelling at me (one of my triggers) and (I was very suicidal at the time that's why I seeked help) I attempted to leap out of the moving car to get away. I was terrified, angry and hurt. She scolded me some more and forced the information out of me (I was crying) then she took me home. Where she proceeded to ask me why I felt the need to talk to a counselor. She said this all sympathetically but, all I could remember was how angry she was and the way she refused me help when I truly needed it. So, I told her to leave me alone. Mom fought me on this until I started throwing stuff and screaming, "f*ck off!" Finally, she let me be where I cried myself to sleep hidden in my closet. Later she attempted to call me about this since she knows it's hard for me to speak in person. To avoid saying something horrible to her because I love her and I was angry, I threw the phone as hard as I could against the wall. It was in a million pieces and I bought a new phone with my allowance.

 

[Esterio]

When asked for details I can't really explain what happened. I just remember the bits and pieces of fl...

thanks for the post "Engineer, welcome to this forum. Lots of good folks to talk with.
I hope your day went ok today.Look forward to chatting with you.
Peace be safe

 

[joeylittle]

Thanks for sharing all that, @Engineer - I appreciate it very much.

Then she demanded to know why I was there and what I said. When I refused she kept yelling at me

I'm wondering how long ago this was, and also, am curious why you wouldn't tell her what was wrong (at that time)? I gather you had gone to the counselor because you were feeling suicidal - had you acted on any of those impulses at that time?

 

[Engineer]

Thanks for sharing all that, @Engineer - I appreciate it very much.

No but after that day I was even more determined to end the suffering. So the next day was going to be the day I killed myself. The problem was someone actually noticed I was depressed. I couldn't answer I was so shocked that someone actually cared to listen. They hugged me and told me it was going to be okay, hang in there. That was when I didn't do it. I had the knife and everything but, I let it fall. Walked away because I realized I wasn't alone. Someone cared about me.

(Fixed that quoting mess, lolz)

 

[joeylittle]

Why do you think you were unwilling to tell your mother about it, when she asked you? (I know this was the day before what you posted above; I'm going back to the day she came and picked you up from school)

 

[Engineer]

Why do you think you were unwilling to tell your mother about it, when she asked you? (I know this...

She obviously wouldn't understand. I'd tried before to talk her and she always reacted badly.