A Good Person

[angel2write]

Something someone said on here recently sparked a thought. What do I mean when I say someone is a "good person?"

First of all, I know some things a good person is not.

• A good person does not necessarily feel "good." In fact, it's been my experience that most of them don't. Happy people feel good. Healthy people feel good. But possessing inner goodness doesn't necessarily make you feel good.
• A good person is not fearless. Even Superman was scared of things. Invulnerability is not goodness.
• A good person is not always in control. Even Jesus Christ had things he didn't know. You can completely lose your grip on a daily basis and still be good. Or you can keep total control at all times and be an evil dictator.
• A good person is not the same thing as an attractive person. It's easy to feel unworthy if you feel like you are too fat, dumb, damaged, poor, sick, old, or weird to be attractive. But we all know attractive people who are quite horrible, and unattractive people who are filled with goodness. Mother Teresa looked like a raisin in a sari, but she was gentle, kind, and loving.

So what is a good person? I guess everyone's definition would differ. But to me, when I say a person is good, I mean:

• They think about other people's needs and feelings. They try not to hurt people. And if they do hurt someone, they feel guilty and often make an attempt to apologize or make amends.
• They care. They care for pets, children, houseplants, the people they live with, hurt strangers, etc. They can't necessarily do anything to help a particular person or animal, but they care. Bad people don't give a :poop:.
• Good people don't give up easily. Knocked down, abused, hurt, or abandoned, they keep trying to recover & get up and accomplish something. I've seen people so lost in self-pity they were worthless to the world. They were like black holes. No matter how much help and compassion you poured into them, they would never appreciate it.
• Which leads me to another one: good people are grateful. When someone helps them, or gives a kind word, or gives a gift, or shows friendship or compassion, good people are grateful. They may have emotional struggles with allowing people to do these things, but they don't take it for granted that everyone they meet should offer tribute and assistance.

What do you think are the characteristics of a "good person?" And if you don't feel you are good, why do you disqualify yourself?

 

[Tinyflame]

Off the top of my good, I'd say a good person is someone who can't be bought over, or will sell out themself at the expense of another. Someone who is true and kind and just (and good). Who doesn't mean harm, is primarily unselfish, and tries to do good. But it's not quite that simple to me, for example Oskar Schindler was a gambler, womanizer, and an alcoholic (technically). Not a great type to marry (as his wife said), but to me a good man. Because he risked his life repeatedly to save others. And you can't give more than that. (Seems to me, if he wasn't those other things they would not have trusted him in those inner circles, and he would never have been able to do that).

So I guess to me it's someone who cares more about others' welfare, feelings and future, than their own, or their own gain +/or reputation or self. Someone true.

 

[Tinyflame]

PS, you're a good person Angel, and so is Bear! You do the best you can (which is great), while being acutely conscious of others and infinitely kind. And you're teaching your children the same, especially by example. :) :hug:

 

[Loveneverfails]

A good person can feel unworthy and still realize they're not a bad person. I've been working very hard lately to realize and accept that while I'm very far from perfect, I'm not a bad person and am in no way hellbound. A good person looks at people and sees their potential first, not their flaws. A good person keeps giving, even if they don't get a thing out of it. A good person believes being good is their duty and on some level makes a choice to do good. Being good is not a quality any person is just born with, it's cultivated over a lifetime in every choice they make. A good person is made up of the same stuff a bad person is and each person will have some bad and some good. It's what they do with it in the end that matters. Just my belief anyway.

 

[discarded]

A good person is honest.

 

[angel2write]

A good person believes being good is their duty and on some level makes a choice to do good.

I really like this, and I think it is somehow the center of what makes a person good. That they have chosen to try to be good. Like you said, we're all going to mess up & do stupid & selfish things from time to time. But a good person has chosen... I don't know how to say it. Chosen to pursue goodness, perhaps?

I've known some really selfishly, consciously evil people over the years. But on the other hand, I've known some who thought they were great people & never doubted themselves when they really should have. Maybe part of being a good person is doubting yourself and always checking your actions and motivations to make sure you're on the path.

 

[Spiderallis]

Maybe part of being a good person is doubting yourself and always checking your actions and motivations to make sure you're on the path.

I think of the doubt as a form of awareness. It takes insight to develop that, but with practice it gets easier. Awareness is a big part of my concept of a 'good person'. It's an awareness of others and seeing one's presence in the bigger picture, then trying to make that bigger picture better than it already is.

Awesome discussion- my T and I talked over what a good person really is a while back and came up with pretty much the same ideas.

 

[Ricanoland]

A Good Person Makes Everyone Else Smile When They Smile.

 

[emmabean]

I agree with all these things - these ideas about what is a good person. I also think, inherently, that good people understand what it means to be "human." That we all have good days and bad days, and that getting a snapshot of a person who may be having a bad day deserves the benefit of the doubt. I think that's why I realllllly try to treat strangers with the utmost respect... Also, it seems to me that most everyone strives to be good - but maybe they're just not on the same path or keeping up the same pace... Dunno, random thoughts comin out ma head.

 

[blue-Ocean]

A good person is someone who believes the hurt in your eyes when you smile,they see the real true feelings so know what to say,this makes them a good person for noticing.

 

[ms spock]

A good person is sensitive to the world around her/him.

 

[Britt.f7]

A good person is not the same thing as an attractive person.

My therapist is working with me on this one. I feel so unattractive right now and I am equating that with whether I am therefore perceived as a good person or not. Old messages are hard to break.

I believe a good person is loyal to a fault, non judgemental, accepting of people's differences though not blind to negative ones nor accepting of those.

I agree with everything above in relations to a good person.