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A Little Confused... Not Sure If What I Am Feeling Is Anxiety Or Not.

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@KwanYingirl I think it is a combination of that and anytime I fought back it made things worse. Fighting back or trying to stick up for myself always had worse consequences so I learned not to, eventually anyways. I was a stubborn one and it took along time to learn that lesson. Now that I want to unlearn that lesson, I seem unable to do so.
 
I wonder if my response is fight/flight and not freeze. (I think) my DID helps avoid the freeze... I freeze and someone keeps Geordie performing... That's what is difficult too, people who interact don't notice they are talking to someone behind the face of Geordie...
 
Yes I dissociate too. I need to do some current reading on that subject. I get the adrenaline rush and then go into a trance state. All my senses are diminished. My body/brain did that to get me through my abuse. I see things that aren't there, I hear things but the sound is muffled, I get numb. It's a state I prefer over the adrenaline overdose
 
Yes I know about DID. My previous at thought I might have it but I don't fit the criteria. In my case I stubbornly hold the belief-well, used to-I'm not in denial anymore-that that little girl who haunted me was not me. I would be in a flashback saying over and over it's not me.

My current T is confident that I don't have alters. It must be confusing for you. The mind is a glorious organ to free us from pain.
 
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