- Post starter
- #229
sidptitala
Platinum Member
I'm so hungry to find ways of expressing myself. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard.
It's really hard to find any kind of private space to make all these phone calls. No privacy at home because my landlords relatives are literally always there. So many things operate during my work hours only. I'm having such limited conversations in the quietest stairwell, or running away to the biggest parking lot on my lunch break. Trying to dodge people when I'm running away from them.
I'm getting so many rejections. Only one job interview, out of so many applications. And rejections from places where I'm trying to look for help. Rejections from domestic abuse support group because it's not a romantic partner. Rejection from sexual violence group because i'm not healed enough.
I'm keeping up my efforts though. I'm trying so hard to find a support group for myself, and also trying to find therapy I can afford where I can speak about abuse frankly. And where I can stay as long as I need.
That feels so impossible. As does stable housing.
I have not had the conditions of healing in my life. I haven't had stable housing almost ever, nor a stable income, nor safety, nor validation, or protection. And don't have them.
I want to write here more. Abuse is festering in me because it never gets oxygen. I'm so focused on finding work and a place to live. It doesn't leave me any space to be a human.
Because as a human, I am in such unrelenting crisis. Which is why I can't afford to be one, because I
It's really hard to find any kind of private space to make all these phone calls. No privacy at home because my landlords relatives are literally always there. So many things operate during my work hours only. I'm having such limited conversations in the quietest stairwell, or running away to the biggest parking lot on my lunch break. Trying to dodge people when I'm running away from them.
I'm getting so many rejections. Only one job interview, out of so many applications. And rejections from places where I'm trying to look for help. Rejections from domestic abuse support group because it's not a romantic partner. Rejection from sexual violence group because i'm not healed enough.
I'm keeping up my efforts though. I'm trying so hard to find a support group for myself, and also trying to find therapy I can afford where I can speak about abuse frankly. And where I can stay as long as I need.
That feels so impossible. As does stable housing.
I have not had the conditions of healing in my life. I haven't had stable housing almost ever, nor a stable income, nor safety, nor validation, or protection. And don't have them.
I want to write here more. Abuse is festering in me because it never gets oxygen. I'm so focused on finding work and a place to live. It doesn't leave me any space to be a human.
Because as a human, I am in such unrelenting crisis. Which is why I can't afford to be one, because I
