A question for those with a disability

[420kitty]

Neither, lol. I'm just a person with certain ailments that others may not have.

 

[littleoc]

PTSD is certainly a disability for me. Otherwise I wouldn't be allowed to have a dog.

I'm just bad at words -- not because of what I think, but because of how others interpret that. I really enjoy not being discounted or losing opportunities as a result of my unlucky past. :)

But when I do not know them I never know how to behave when dealing with them, how to call them and so on. Hubby does not really feel like a person who is hard of hearing, he just feels like a person who happens to be hard of hearing but it is not his identity and he cannot offer any insights... and he does not like to discuss the topic because he wants to be left alone with that.

I also have several disabled family members. My mother can't walk very well (I don't know what she likes to refer to herself as) and my twin brother is deaf in one ear, and therefore very hard of hearing. He's also autistic, though incredibly high functioning. My brother also doesn't refer to himself as disabled. I suppose being identified by your senses can be frustrating, even if you are fully deaf.

That's helpful in understanding what to call people with PTSD. But since even I don't know what I'm comfortable with, I suppose I'm in the same boat as you are... hm. I don't even like allowing others to know that I have PTSD. I'm afraid of getting weird looks and questions, though don't ask me why. It's really that I don't want my family to know. Lol

 

[8888]

It all depends on how severe the PTSD. Some are still able to work, go to school, have families,...

Good point. To me personally I would still consider disabling PTSD to be a disabling mental illness and not an actual disability but I'm not sure what the professionals would say about that one.

 

[mumstheword]

Well I receive a disability pension and my PTSD has been rated as "severe" so I guess that puts me in the category of "person with a disability". I also see that it is a brain injury rather than a mental illness but injuries can cause disabilities, for instance, someone can be hit by a car or be in a car accident that renders them unable to use their body in the same way they could prior.

This one is a Neuro-endocrine injury, in my opinion. I don't like to think of myself as a "disabled person" but ok with "person with a disability", funny that.

Now I come to think of It though, the term "psycho-social disability" fits, that's a term used, in this country, now, within the industry of specialized supports and services.

 

[blackemerald1]

I don't want anyone to know my disabilities which are both physical & mental because I find the questioning of how I received the injuries which became permanent or happened in the first place really intrusive. I don't want to be trying to overcome my inability to do something & whilst doing so...cope with the remarks, questions, stares, frustration 'normal' people ignorantly say. I don't want to tell people how I got this way... it's personal & sometimes when I am asked I say bluntly "Is it going to change your life if you know the answer?'. I know it's rude but really how often does one see somebody with a guide dog being bluntly asked by a stranger are you blind, what's the dog for or how did you get blind? A person with vision impairment gets called that.. I suppose because it's obvious.
However when one has non visual impairments or disabilities that are not obvious to the eye at first glance the label's can be very derogatory & misleading. The judgment damming & hurtful.
I tell my medical ppl., I have PTSD when it's relevant but even then it complicates things.
I was asked only a few week's ago by a Dr., how I got PTSD... I said 'neither you nor I have the time to get into that'. Because it's automatic for ppl., to go to their 'default' position on what they usually don't know about the condition's.
I know I am mental & my other disorder's badly impact that.
I don't know what I would like as a label.
It's hard for normal ppl I know because luckily for them they don't have to accept a label to describe them or get a pass on thing's with whatever they want to do or not do. They just say I don't want to do that & usually aside from the ordinary arm twisters.. that's the only reason necessary.
If I say the same thing.. I get told.. it would be good for you, just try it, why not?? etc
Meanwhile I am internally melting down in so many directions... resisting the impulse to say I cannot do that..because it's impossible!
Label's and such are very awkward & depending on the recipient can be misleading. Even ppl who know I have PTSD & other incapacities don't know what to call me. One name doesn't fit all...
I struggle with this whenever I leave my home.

 

[littleoc]

but really how often does one see somebody with a guide dog being bluntly asked by a stranger are you blind, what's the dog for or how did you get blind? A person with vision impairment gets called that.. I suppose because it's obvious.

I thought this might amuse you:
I'm not blind, but I do have a service dog, and people never stop asking questions even if they think I am blind. And they can be some pushy questions.

The only people so far that I've been blunt to about it were people who I had some kind of connection with (or at least understood me more or had been through something similar) and children. Children have no bad intentions and they do want to learn. So that's different. I simplify it highly so as not to disturb them, of course.

Here's one of my favorite stories (I have many):
One time I was in a library about to "rent" a study room for myself, so I took the rules-agreement-sheet and got ready to sign it. As I began to sign it, the lady behind the counter suddenly snatched it out from under my pen (and, being a sighted person, I stopped trying to sign it), and asked, "Can you see well enough to sign?"

I said I could. The lady then went, "Oh!" like she understood now, and then said, "I didn't realize it was an epilepsy dog!"

And I blurted out, "Neither did I!"

People are funny.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Wounded, disabled, handicapped... all terms used officially and unofficially with my vet. I don't think he really cares as long as somebody isn't trying to be overly sensitive and "PC" with him. He hates that.

He is obviously disabled, so that's often the first thing people notice about him.

 

[Muttly]

@Never_falter Sorry I dropped out of the original thread. Life has been overwhelming. I also wanted to think more before I answered.

My mom was disabled. When I was very young she could walk without a cane, but never very far and not without pain. Eventually she was completely wheelchair bound. From 8th grade on, I became good friends with a guy who was in a wheel chair. We went to junior high, high school and university together, until he died. My mom hated any label and my friend wouldn't care much, as long as there was a respectful reason the label was being used.

In my 40s, I developed chronic pain. An old, untreated back injury also caught up with me and for a time I couldn't walk without a cane (I actually used a walking stick) because of nerve damage. Eventually, I had surgery for my back and now only have slight nerve damage in one leg. When I am doing physically well, I feel like any label is wrong for my physical issues, because the conditions aren't disabling me. When I'm not doing well, I still feel like I'm a fake, for slapping a label on me but don't really care what term is used. I would say the same is true for my mental health issues.

It's interesting, because I don't have any doubts or hesitation as describing myself as disabled when it comes to my other issues. From birth I've had vision problems and some neurological type issues. The vision isn't just having poor vision, it's things like having literally no depth perception and problems with processing and remembering visual information. My vision is so much so that sometimes my brain just basically stops processing any visual information and I function like a blind person. I just barely squeak by seeing well enough to drive. I hate parking though, if it's tight because that's when the poor depth perception matters. On to the neurological type issues, I defined it that way because I have so many different labels and diagnosis' over the years - dyslexia, dysgraphia, aspergers, apraxia, sensory processing disorder... I think I'm forgetting at least one.

The only word I really *hate* is retard, because when I was a kid in special education, that is the word I got bullied or belittled with. I don't just hate it as a label I just freaking hate the word. I have to admit that I find the changing of labels to find the non-offensive one sort of silly. I don't think it's the term that makes any of the labels offensive. It's the judgement and attitudes behind the term that are offensive. And you don't fix that by switching words. Of course I just said how much I hate the term "retard" so there might be a flaw in my logic.

 

[Muttly]

This question is hard to answer.. I have a hard time even telling people what my service dog can do, task-wise. If someone asks the pushy question of what the dog is for, well.. they don't get an answer, usually..

I'm going on a bit of a tangent. And I'm also asking your opinion and you can tell me none of your business.

I work at a grocery store and we've had a real problem with people bringing in dogs. All sorts of dogs. We recently had a dog bite a customer. Another dog, was seen licking and pawing the meat packages. So any of us staff who are in a lead type position are now instructed to ask people if their dog is a service dog. And, if it seems like it might not be, to ask what tasks the dog performs. What is your opinion on that? And is there anything that would make the task question less challenging.

 

[somerandomguy]

As a person with a hearing disability who works with people with physical disabilities, I personally prefer "people first" language. I am a person with a disability. I am not "disabled." I am not "handicapped." I am certainly not "challenged" in any way.

People with disabilities all have their preferred personal ways of referring to their disability. That's fine. Just make sure to ask first before calling someone "handicapped" or some other potentially controversial label.

 

[littleoc]

I'm going on a bit of a tangent. And I'm also asking your opinion and you can tell me none of your busin...

Ugh, this has become so common. You're doing the right thing. Those are the two questions you're allowed to ask. You just can't ask what disability the handler has.

But to add onto that, even a real service dog is allowed to be banned from a store if there's a reasonable reason. For example, biting customers or messing with food packagings, barking excessively, growling, and other inappropriate behavior.

Ugh, this has become so common. You're doing the right thing. Those are the two questions you're allow...

Also, if the dog goes to the bathroom and it didn't seem like a normal accident/ it was in a restaurant or something where the dog should have been able to go to the bathroom outside without any problem.

 

[biaaw677]

The words used are not as important as the attitude and behaviour of the person using them.
It is important though to get your head around the actual meaning of words like, impaired, handicapped, disabled, injured etc. The reason I say this is because it helps the person with the condition identify the barriers in life they face and to convey information to others when necessary.
My guess is that depending on where you live and your culture, the meanings differ a little. Here in the UK there is a book, written by a person with disabilities, Phil Friend, entitled "Why are you pretending to be normal" that can be enlightening.
Basically, it is important to know who you are and to accept who you are. As people with PTSD and CPTSD, I think we have to realise that we have been injured by either other people or that we have witnessed or experienced horrible things. The injuries inflicted on us either by other people, or by us being in a place at the wrong time, left scars that handicap us. It is the inability to overcome some of the impairments and handicaps that makes us people with disabilities.