AngelKeeperJ
Sponsor
Throughout the years, I have described emotions as a rainbow. Each emotion has a color, and they are all important. Without any one color, it can't be a rainbow, there is no balance! Lately, life has taken on lots of different 'colors'. Ones' I hadn't felt for a long time...and they are scary.
I blocked out mental pain, physical pain, and anger for many years, living in denial of any emotion. Existing. Not living, not thriving.
Life had no 'color', no passion, no hope. Didn't miss it, only had it once...3 years of having my babies. That was 31 years ago. I shut down as many emotions I knew by name, and many that I couldn't put words to. I was a workaholic medical assistant. Codepence was my way of staying in my own habits of proscrastination in my life , and being a 'friend-aholic' (needing to have my friends around, or having them need me around to keep my sanity).
Now, as I decide to try my best to change some of the basic things that I believe about myself that are bad. I have found that the more bad emotion that I allow myself to feel, that pretty, smooth look to the rainbow gets more like a child's fingerpainting with all the colors smeared together. No order, no rhyme. It almost gets black when all the colors have blended. Like a big storm. Gotta work towards being the best 'me' that I can be, and that means finding bright, white, and exciting colors that my 'darkside' can't be what I see and feel.
But, because I have a wise friend and advisor, today I've had a breakthrough. The colors of MY rainbow are smoothing out, and it's looking and feeling more normal. During the 'storm' it FELT pretty dark, but I realized that it WASN'T dark. My friend shined the light, just the right way, and there was my perfect rainbow again. Thank you, Wise Friend.
I am going to walk confidently (as much as I can) and try to 'know' in my heart and mind that I can and will conquer some of my long-standing 'roadblocks'. And, I ain't giving up! Not an option!
There is a new 'rainbow' in my heart...my son is becoming a father...so I finally get to be a gramma. He has always told me he wanted me to a big part of his children's lives', and that is going to happen. I've been craving the feelings that come when I take care of, hold, and smell a newborn baby. Nothing like it!
Yep, life can be a rainbow, we just have to deal with the rain, and storms (floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, and typhoons). But, they PASS, the sun shines, and somewhere there is the rainbow, very worth the storm, that brought growth along with the rain.
Thanks for taking the time to read!
I blocked out mental pain, physical pain, and anger for many years, living in denial of any emotion. Existing. Not living, not thriving.
Life had no 'color', no passion, no hope. Didn't miss it, only had it once...3 years of having my babies. That was 31 years ago. I shut down as many emotions I knew by name, and many that I couldn't put words to. I was a workaholic medical assistant. Codepence was my way of staying in my own habits of proscrastination in my life , and being a 'friend-aholic' (needing to have my friends around, or having them need me around to keep my sanity).
Now, as I decide to try my best to change some of the basic things that I believe about myself that are bad. I have found that the more bad emotion that I allow myself to feel, that pretty, smooth look to the rainbow gets more like a child's fingerpainting with all the colors smeared together. No order, no rhyme. It almost gets black when all the colors have blended. Like a big storm. Gotta work towards being the best 'me' that I can be, and that means finding bright, white, and exciting colors that my 'darkside' can't be what I see and feel.
But, because I have a wise friend and advisor, today I've had a breakthrough. The colors of MY rainbow are smoothing out, and it's looking and feeling more normal. During the 'storm' it FELT pretty dark, but I realized that it WASN'T dark. My friend shined the light, just the right way, and there was my perfect rainbow again. Thank you, Wise Friend.
I am going to walk confidently (as much as I can) and try to 'know' in my heart and mind that I can and will conquer some of my long-standing 'roadblocks'. And, I ain't giving up! Not an option!
There is a new 'rainbow' in my heart...my son is becoming a father...so I finally get to be a gramma. He has always told me he wanted me to a big part of his children's lives', and that is going to happen. I've been craving the feelings that come when I take care of, hold, and smell a newborn baby. Nothing like it!
Yep, life can be a rainbow, we just have to deal with the rain, and storms (floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, and typhoons). But, they PASS, the sun shines, and somewhere there is the rainbow, very worth the storm, that brought growth along with the rain.
Thanks for taking the time to read!
