A Reason To Live: Fighting Suicidal Thoughts

[Britt.f7]

I believe in an afterlife, but I don't think I could deal with the shame of admitting I wasted a life that so many other people on this planet are crying out to have.
So I choose to stay, and find a way to help someone else, because ultimately it will help me.

That, and my war-era grandmother has instilled in me an absolute hatred for waste of any kind.

I had a multi religious experience growing up. I was baptized Catholic, mom was raised Catholic, but we went to different types of churches.

Anyhow, somewhere in there grew the idea that your life is a gift from God and that, if you killed yourself, you would go to Purgatory, or hell. Though, on another level, I do not believe God would punish someone who hurt so bad in life for killing their selves. I am torn between the two. For the most part it has kept me from doing something disastrous.

As far as wasting life, I think, when someone dies, that it should have been me because they wanted to live more then I do. I do think that is greatly unfair to them.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I do understand what you are saying Brit :hug:.

Much of my religious upbringing has been through the 'fire and brimstone' method, but now, I believe I see things for what they should have been, and now truly are.

God is there for all of his children, and as a parent who lost his son, I think he has a fair amount of compassion for us. Yes, he gave us this life, but he is also *painfully* aware of how sin has managed to make our lives a misery.

I really like your point about it being unfair to those who wanted to live, but TBH, I think that there is a reason we are still here, and one day (sooner, rather than later, me hopes) we'll know why.

In the meantime, carry this thought: God knows that what happened to us is not our fault, and he does not judge you for feeling suicidal and depressed.
Those feelings are what happen when the joy and love that He originally instilled in life has been torn away by our abusers, and our screwed up lives are the result of that loss.

Everyone is at a different point in their fight against SI, even though I'm kind of on an even keel right now, I've been at the point where all I can think about is hurting myself, but I don't want to release the pain, I just want it gone forever, so I do understand.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Reason to live: The financial burden my funeral would cause.

 

[Britt.f7]

For those who have children, my T told me that children of a parent who has committed suicide are more likely to do so their selves. That definitely gave me pause. So I googled it and this is what I found:

"Researchers at Johns Hopkins Children’s Center found that children who are under 18 when their parents commit suicide are three times as likely as children with living parents to later commit suicide themselves. The likelihood increases when the parent who commits suicide is the mother."

From this website: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articl...-commits-suicide-a-psychiatrist-s-advice.html

Just something to keep in mind. I know I have.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Oh Shit. :notworthy::brb::dead:

 

[HëllaBubz]

look I have plenty of fat to live on

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

Totally get ya on that one!

Humor is SI's worst enemy.

 

[AS1975]

Always the thought of what would happen to whomever found me, is what stops me in the extreme situations. There is no escaping that someone is going to have to.

 

[rightkindofme]

I looked those stats up a while ago. My dad, brother, and maternal grandmother all committed suicide. It's a family tradition. :(

I don't want my kids to feel like me. But today I am feeling kind of tired of having to always be in pain so that other people don't have to feel pain. I'm really tired and sad. I feel very little hope right now. I should probably go to bed. Sleep deprivation is not helping.

Can't sleep. The monsters will get me.

 

[Britt.f7]

I had a cousin that committed suicide, but I was not very close to him.

I am very sorry for your loss. That is way too many in one family.

I wish that you were feeling better. Lack of sleep can definitely make matters worse.