A Reason To Live: Fighting Suicidal Thoughts

[mamachick]

(((hugs)))
Thinking of you and wishing you well maddog
Brat

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Hugs Maddog, take good care of yourself.

Yesterday by a fluke of timing I was looking at the bird table when a sparrowhawk swooped in and picked up a pigeon. It was very cool, in a weird 'circle of life' kind of way. Like a reminder that the balance continues. It was also very beautiful to see such an amazing bird in action.

 

[HëllaBubz]

You picked up my day, Bubs. I didn't realize how much we mean to our friends and family. I just think about how to get away from the pain. Now I have a different view.

Hey Cute Monster (hope you don't mind me calling you that :notworthy:)

I'm so glad that my sharing had the positive effect that I was wanting to share with you.
Read it again next time you're feeling like you're looking over the stormy edge of the cliff, hopefully it will make you feel like just going and hugging the most important person to you.

One thing I have realised, our mortal threads may be wavering in their connection to this earth, but our family and friends are firmly planted on the ground, its ok to hold on to them while your thread repairs itself.
Your 'anchor' doesn't need to know about why they are getting a bear hug, all they need to know is that you love and appreciate them.

One thing I absolutely hate is the guilt that is caused by other people when you cry out for help, I found that I don't need to share my depression or anxiety or SI with anyone if I just give them a big hug or spend some awesome, intimate time with them.

In order to help anchor yourself, you MUST reach outside yourself and tap into their strength, it is there, and they will give it knowingly or unknowingly if you just reach out and grab ahold of them.

When you try to spark a flame in someone else, by saying a kind word which shows them how much you appreciate them, or just giving them a hug or a hand on their shoulder, you will spark up and strengthen your own flame.

I'm probably rambling on here, but I really do care about each and every one of you on here, you aren't just an avatar, you are my friends, and I want you to know that I care because you need it, and also, somewhat selfishly, it also strengthens me when I reach outside myself and help someone else.

xoxox

Bubzie

 

[DharmaGirl]

I care about you all here too, so when you feel lonely or overwhelmed, know that I am here.

 

[rightkindofme]

I appreciate you Bubzilla. Thank you.

Life is hella awkward. I think I've had a week off from suicidal ideation. I'm not sure because I can't track too closely because then I have suicidal ideation. Ha.

I'm frustrated and sad but I don't want to die. That's something like progress.

 

[HëllaBubz]

That's something like progress.

Yeah, I'd call that progress! :eek::rolleyes:

Well, at least for me, that would be pretty decent progress.
I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes I think its easier for me to give in and stay at the bottom of the pit than to fight up the walls knowing that I'll fall sooner or later.:notworthy::blackeye:

I know it sounds kind of defeatist, but sometimes I feel like milestones need to be recorded just so I can look at them when the black cloud completely blocks my memory of anything joyful in life.

I appreciate you Bubzilla

Thank you, that really made me feel special, and I needed that today. :hug:

 

[Violet03]

What do you do if you are are struggling at this very moment, and you can't find reasons to put on a list for yourself. These all sound good for other people, but they either don't apply to me at all, or I can tell you why the ones you think should apply to me doesn't

 

[Shellbell]

I have good, safe, genuine people in my world who care about me, and they were there when I needed them. There aren't many of them, but I've learned that it's quality, not quantity, that counts, and mine are platinum.

Whenever I feel the world has left me with nothing but suffering, I hold onto those people, and I let them believe for me when I can't.

Some day I will be stronger. Until then, I'm going to at least try to be safe.

I've only just seen this thread.

They say you cannot chose your relatives, but you can chose your friends, and those friends can absolutely become the family you deserve and need.

Your family are holding on with you and not letting you go MD.

 

[rightkindofme]

What do you do if you are are struggling at this very moment, and you can't find reasons to put on a list for yourself. These all sound good for other people, but they either don't apply to me at all, or I can tell you why the ones you think should apply to me doesn't

I can't make up reasons for you. I don't know you or your life. I don't know why you should keep going. I look for bad reasons sometimes. There was a period in my life where, "I get to do E next weekend" was what I had to look forward to. It got me through.

I don't know what your reasons should be. I go with bad choices when I don't have good ones. I don't know that it is "smart" or what.

 

[Violet03]

Thanks for trying. What you say makes sense. I just got home from a therapy session. I had another flashback during the session. I'm exhausted right now.

 

[Tinyflame]

Violet, working through (or facing, or even being reminded of this stuff) makes us feel terrible. As does unrelenting physical pain, and not just pain but suffering. Also sorrow, shame, guilt.

I can only say I do understand what you mean. I have found that if you are able to think of something good, or something in advance (for example, to make it to the weekend, or Christmas), that can help. Not distraction, but relief, only good things to think of. The smallest things, or even the smallest things that are beautiful, or peaceful.

In some ways, to me, SI is like a thief that tries to convince you that something valuable you have is worth nothing to you or others, and therefore it becomes easy to throw it away. But it's not true, and ptsd is a liar too. You don't know just how much you're worth (very much), who you impact, whom you will impact, who you help right this very minute with your words. Think of how you'd feel towards someone who was trying to convince someone else to throw their diamond ring in the garbage, so they could take it. Then know you are worth much much more than multiple rings. (And yes, I realize, most of us have been told otherwise. But it's wrong, those words +/or actions were abusive. )

((((((((Big Big Hugs)))))))), I hope you feel a little better each day forward. Persevere with your therapy, say how you feel. It will improve. :hug:

 

[Britt.f7]

My therapist told me yesterday that she thinks I'm trying to kill myself, whether it be by starvation (look I have plenty of fat to live on) or whatever. She knows that my mind just thinks of dying. I know a psychiatrist during inpatient told me that is the default on my brain to anything even remotely stressful and it is going to take a while to change that. My therapist said it is going to be tough work. I agree with both of them since these thoughts have been here since I was a child and I'm currently in my 40's. How to get rid of it is the question right now.

As far as what to live for, my boys and that's it. I think people might be sad, including my spouse, but they'll handle it and go on. As for my pets they have my husband and kids. Though it might be an adjustment for them. My boys are who I think of when my thoughts get really dark. I don't want them to have the trauma of losing a mother, no matter if I think the mother isn't very good for them.