Able To Do Anything On Your Own?

[EmmaOwl]

Recently I admitted to my therapist the trouble I have doing the most simple things. Like, make my bed; do a small load of laundry, or even things that are supposed to be fun like: make myself a new pair of earrings. Or pull out one of the fad-ish coloring books. It seems like a good idea, but by the time I get to it, I've lost any motivation I ever had. Or even reading which is the thing I most love to do in the world. By the time I choose a book, I don't care anymore and go stare at the wall some more.

I end up feeling rather useless, and lump-ish. My therapist said to keep in touch via text and he would help encourage me and help me think up small, non-overwhelming things, so at the end of the day I can say I accomplished something. Today's idea is to make my bed (which is a little more difficult than you might guess, since I fell out of bed 2 nights ago, dragging my sheets and covers with me. Oops.)

Even with that minor complication, I feel stupid that this kind of thing is a BIG DEAL to me - merely getting sheets and blankets onto my bed? This is a normal thing, people do this. Why not me?

Sometimes I have zero motivation, and I hate that I have to ask my therapist such a stupid question. Why do I need HIM to tell me these small things, such as making my bed? It's obviously a disaster and would be much nicer for me if it was fixed up.... but the goals I give myself never seem good enough.

 

[Gs172003]

I understand. I have a hard time doing things that aren't just routine. Heck even showers and teeth brushing takes alot. I wish I could give you an answer.

 

[rosey]

Have been there a few times. I found focusing on self care helps but keep it to a very simple level. Eat sleep hygiene exercise. I set a daily routine and add a little task in everyday.

Sometimes we all need a bit of help and support. It take more strength to accept that help and move than to reject it and stay stuck.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Recently I admitted to my therapist the trouble I have doing the most simple things. Like, make my bed...

Your symptoms are totally normal because your brain is overloaded. When I first had PTSD I had the toughest time doing chores because I could not concentrate. After a while that gets a little better though.

 

[Seasounds]

I find @Freedomfighter words to be true.

Before PTSD, I could do mundane tasks easily. And now, I find it challenging.

Like you mentioned, I get help, too, from people I trust. And finding and taking the right anti-depressant has helped me.

You are doing good work, and you can feel good about yourself, for doing the best you can. This is all that any of us can do.

This brings up a level of help that that can be a challenge to find. If friends and professionals aren't enough, I've been told to ask care-assistant companies for 'companions' to hire. Sometimes church groups can offer this for no cost.

:hug: Take good care!

 

[VioletButterfly]

I can really relate to the before and after of trauma. Mine is complex, but understanding and accepting this made a boatload of difference in my brain. Initially, I shutdown and it's been a struggle to claw my way back to where I'm at now, which is far and away from where I was before the walls finally crumbled down around me.

My last T suggested that I look at each day on a sliding scale - some days I might be at a 20, 10, or in a 2-5 range. Self-care comes first, so, as the others have indicated, be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time. This doesn't mean that there won't be an up and down the scale movement. I've been up only to crash back down. Just take it easy and keep it simple, focusing on small tasks to sustain yourself. It's a bumpy journey, but you're worth it. Take heart and love yourself.

Take care of yourself. Sending along warm and fuzzy vibes to you. VB

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I'm truly sorry for all you're going through. It really sucks doesn't. I hear you and empathize. I'm in the same boat right now, so paddling near by...even if online.

 

[Friday]

When I get really bad I have to relearn how to do damn near everything. Then I have to relearn how to do the same durn things every day. Because those are 2 different things. First just being able to do it, then being able to do it consistently. Create a baseline of activities I do, as a matter of course.

One of the things that helps me, for both when I'm doing well & doing badly, is simplifying. Another is ritual / routine.

Making my bed? Pfft. That's one of those combos of things that needs massive simplification, and even then, is highly unlikely to happen if I'm doing badly.

((What's the point of making a bed, anyway? In what way does it aid survival? How is this not just a complete and total waste of time and resources? Washing my bed has a point to it. Making it? No point whatsoever.... Except I like clean lines. Clean lines / clear space I can get behind. So I do it. But I simplify the hell out of it, or the clean lines / clear space simply aren't worth enough.))

^^^
Which means I don't have sheets and blankets. There is no plural. I have 1 fitted sheet, and 1 duvet (filled with down comforters :happy: ), and 1 pillowcase. I wash all 3 once a week. In the morning? (Or whenever I wake up) All I have to do to "make" my bed is straighten the duvet. Bam. Done. That's it. If I had to be dealing with top sheets, blankets, comforters, pillows... All these different layers of >.< Nope. Not gonna happen. (Really, I tried for 2 years whilst married & doing well & it never happened. Not every day for a week even once. There were just too many moving pieces, and they all took too long, took too much effort, and no.) Grab the bottom edge of the duvet, flick it, done. That I can do. Anything beyond that is beyond me.

 

[Friday]

Even with that minor complication, I feel stupid that this kind of thing is a BIG DEAL to me - merely getting sheets and blankets onto my bed? This is a normal thing, people do this. Why not me?

I've said it before, I'll say it again...

Why is it so hard to do normal stuff with PTSD?

Because no one in their right damn mind runs into a burning house... To start a load of laundry.

We may be in survival mode, but we're not nuts.

The unimportant shit? Goes by the wayside in survival mode. If you're running into a burning building? It's to save someone, not cycle the wash. Not make a bed.

 

[Ronin]

Is the bed somewhere you can sleep at, comfortably, without injuring yourself?

If so, congrats, in my book it passes as a made up bed, as that's about the only purpose making up beds can realistically serve for survival: Making sure the space is hazard-free and if possible, providing quality sleep.

Coloring... know how kids color? Grab the crayons. Use them all over the thing. At times at the floor. Furniture. Different kids. Ah, okay, not that. That's multiple points where the parents step in.

But kids are damned useful in re-learning creative things. They do it right: they don't overthink it.

Laundry: Is it clean enough to not get you infection? Congrats, it's clean enough :) What posh people that were never in your situation think about that think is insubstantial.

Things like that: Ease up on yourself.
There is a different way to view those so-called basics, and meeting them as goals.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Recently I admitted to my therapist the trouble I have doing the most simple things

Who or what defines "simple"?

 

[hodge]

Eh, I'm in Minnesota. We NEED extra blankets, especially now and going on into the winter. We get brutal winters. Weeks of below zero temps and even worse wind chills, like 30-40 below. We've got sheets that are like soft warm blankets, then we need like four more blankets/comforters above them in the dead of winter. We're already up to two comforters on top of the plush sheet/blankets, and it's only going down to the 40s tonight. We generally don't turn the heat on till we're afraid the pipes will freeze.