General About Me - Husband is Iraq Veteran with PTSD

[Andrea42]

Hello to everyone :)
I was sitting here at work this morning and could not stop thinking about all the things my husband is going through right now so i decided to do some research or at least try find a website where i can communicate with others dealing with the same thing and/or understand it better. I am glad to be here.
My name is Andrea, i am 27y/o and i have been married to my husband for almost 4years.We live in southern California. I met him while he was in the military (Marines) We married a couple months before he left to Iraq for the war in 03
and when he came back he was not the same person.He did his 4years and due to a shoulder injury he could not stay in the Marines like he would have liked to..To make a long story short he has developed PTSD and its getting worse and worse everyday from what i notice. Lately he is very mean to me and makes me feel very bad...He has horrible mood swings and snaps for just about anything! I dont know what to do in order to make things better for him.. This has gotten worse at the begining of this year i noticed..We have not been getting along too well because of this and also we have had alot of personal issues in the past as well.
He has been seeing a VA doctor for the past month and she already gave him anti-depressants as well as some other pills for anxiety attacks and he told me this morning that for his next appoinment the doctor wants to talk to me as well... i am a bit scared... i dont know what to expect...All in all, i love my husband and i want to help him. Any advise or simply someone who understands what i am going through...or we rather will be greatly appreciated.
Thank You and Have a Great Day!
~Andrea

 

[kimG]

Hi Andrea! Welcome to the forum. It's hard for me to help you, as I am the one with PTSD. However, my husband is also on this forum and frequently posts in the "Spouses" section; I'm sure if you post in that section he'll respond to you.

Hang in there and go to the appointment with your husband. Talk to the counselor, be open and honest, and don't be afraid to get a counselor for yourself if you think that will help. We all need a little help some times in our lives!

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Welcome Andrea,
I think it's great that you care enough about your husband to be researching PTSD. :)

 

[rainbowchaser]

welcome andrea. my therapist would like my husband to come to my next session, so that she can give him a little education on ptsd. she will not provide therapy for him about our arguments, or other matters between the two of us. she cannot be neutral, so she wants to explain to him why i feel the way i do, or react like i do etc. she does not want to have a session with him.she just wants to help where she can. i wouldn't worry if i were you.

 

[anthony]

Welcome Andrea,

Glad you found us. No need to be nervous about attending your husbands next session, as you will find it is most likely to see how you are coping, and secondly, extract information from you on his real behaviour, as we with PTSD often are not exactly in touch with our emotions nor behaviour patterns, thus physicians often turn to the spouses to get feedback, which also in turn helps the sufferer to see a more realistic aspect to what they are doing to their spouses, and the doctor can move in a more realistic direction to what needs immediate attention with him to help correct some of the home issues as well as PTSD by itself.

Doctors need a spouses input... it is essential into getting the sufferer treated correctly and highlighting certain points to them, and give then strategies and techniques to work upon and help overcome some of the basic home issues. How things are at home is important, because if a physician does all this great work on a person, then they send them home to world war III, all that work is just undone again.

PTSD needs a safe and friendly environment to help heal it, not a war zone.

 

[Deleted member 3]

Hi Andrea,

Welcome to the forum. Yep, wouldn't worry about attending your husbands doctor with him, as Anthony said it will be more likely to get the 'real' perspective on how things are. They can be mean buggers and downright hurtful when they have a mind to, or perhaps not a mind to. Its bs to tell you not to take it to heart because that is generally exactly where it hits. The best advice I can give you is to politely put him in his place if he is being an ass (and he will be) to you, get some counselling for yourself and take some time out for you. You can only support him, you cannot fix him. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you can. He has to want to heal himself and no amount of wanting on your behalf can make that happen. Please keep posting on this forum and keep us updated, its early days but at least he has started treatment..........thats a step in the right direction.

 

[Andrea42]

I want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone for helping me with this... i still am a bit nervous but i really do need to help my husband, i see it in his eyes that he wants my help. I was not sure at first but theres no way i am not showing up to the appoinment now... THANK YOU!

 

[Andrea42]

Hi Rainbowchaser,
That is exactly what my husband has told me...i would be going to understand better not for therapy or anything...thank you for the post.. i do want to go and understand what he is going through and how i can help.

 

[jods]

Hi Andrea

I go to my hubbys 1st session with each new doc he sees. I do this for a couple of reasons.
1. To see what I can do to help with the recovery process.
2 To make sure hubby isn't BS the doc
3 For my peace of mind to see if hubby feels at ease with the new doc.

My hubby also tells me that he prefers we to go for the 1st visit together because of the anxiety he feels when he is seeing them for the 1st time.

I also let the docs know that if they need me at an appiontment, all they have to do is ask & I'll be there.

Be kind to yourself

 

[desert4now]

Good luck Andrea and welcome to this place. My husband won't go to counseling and he gets "testy" when I bring it up. I'm glad you are on the right track!

 

[Andrea42]

Thanks for the advise Jods!! I love your #2 reason! and i agree!
and desert4now i totally understand where you are coming from... my husband has refused to go to counseling for a couple of years now until i told him that i was tired of all the things he was doing and all the things he was saying and the way he was acting... he has known for a long time that he had this disorder and would blame everything on it, but it got to the point where i told him i was not going to believe him anymore (tough love) and if he wanted me to help him and wanted to him himself he would have to give me a doctors note saying that he really did have a problem...well just to prove to me that he did have PTSD he has now started counseling and has realized that its worth it... i hope it makes sense and this helps...maybe you can try it...good luck!

 

[mac]

I am the exact same way towards my wife and kids at times... I am quick-tempered and lash out in verbally cruel ways before I start to catch myself. I am also very controlling, but honestly feel like it is in their best interest at times... like it's gonna save their life one day. Yes, I know I'm warped. I used to leave the house and go sit in the empty ER waiting room at the local VA to cool off when I realized I was too irritated (until they threw me out). Anyway, when I behave like this, it throws me back into another cycle of depression because realizing I hurt my family is the last thing I want to do and I feel so guilty for causing hurt and emotional scars (especially to my kids), it makes me believe that my family would be so much better off without me, especially with all the life insurance I have set up on myself that they would get. What's so f*cked up is that I am on edge out in public because of all the delusional dangers I face, yet many times I wish something would come along and give me eternal peace.