Abuse From My Son

[ladee]

Great distinction! I feel our kids continue to see us as mom. Then they can remain perpetual rude rebellious "teenagers".
It's when we become Mothers that many times no contact becomes necessary. Thank you for sharing this insight. As I am reframing this , things like this really helps.

 

[ladee]

Three months later. An update. I fell back into the crayziness two more times. Each time I felt more empowered and less guilty.
Have gone a month now and have him blocked in all ways for him to get in touch.
Funny what the final straw was. I had heard most of his life the crap he was saying. Didn't budge me. But when he brought my own mother in to it...I was done.
She worshipped the ground he walked on. But he crossed a line he can't uncross . I didn't let him know it hurt me
But after one last text from me I blocked him. Simply saying he would not hear from me again until he got help and had made progress. I know the futility in that but it did help to shut that door.
Took me awhile to figure out how to block his texts. So of course there was the 'suicide' text. Which I did not respond to. But now have him blocked. If he shows up here I will have him arrested. But not worried about that, that would take effort.
I did get in touch with my granddaughters grandfather who is raising her. His dad and his brother. We are all on the same page and Pop is not letting him are my grandaughter. A LOT of relief there..
So he is really on his own now. Everyone is sick to death of his ranting and bizarre behavior.
So wanted to let y'all know how things stand.
Thank you all for helping me get here. Because it wasn't over till it was over.
So much relief not having the dread of him contacting me.
Hope the rest of you are ok and doing well. Update me so I know how everyone is.
Thank you from my heart. I could never have accomplished this on my own.
Gentle hugs to all of you.

 

[Crow]

:hug:

 

[mamachick]

They are Gods children, given to us for awhile, to raise. I gave mine back to God. My job is done. I know it sounds cold but I will always love them, but sure don't need them in my life!

 

[Silver.]

You are so incredibly brave and strong. Actions had to be taken to ensure your well being, and you made it happen. Although we have been walking this rough path for a while , I can see and feel the energy shifting , allowing us a new path to follow. I will walk by your side as we learn and explore this new path. Please know you will always have my shoulder to lean on. *love and light*

 

[ladee]

So glad I posted yesterday.@brat17 that is what I say everyday. He was Gods child first. I do have the hope something turns his life around. I do love him. But now I take care of myself on another level. I can say he is one of the best teachers I've ever had. The pain forcing change. Thank you for your reply.
@Silver, an energy shift!!! That is it. I dIdnt have the words. Thank you from my heart for personally being present for me these past months. You have your own heavy load to carry but was always present for me. Namaste my friend.
So onward thru the fog.
Appreciate the replies.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ladee You've come so far!!!!! Congratulations, even though there is pain in your heart for having to do what was needed to help keep you "sane". I know the pain of walking away, and staying away. It gets easier, and it won't always be as painful. This may be what your son needs too, only time will tell....

 

[ladee]

@She Cat , I know this is what we both need. He has pushed so many people away or they just stopped having anything to do with him because of how crazy he is acting. He is going to hit a bottom. He isn't there yet
And it may get really bad for him. But other than loving him...I am not stretched to the outcome.
Thanks for saying it gets easier.I have not even gone toward the rabbit hole. So I really believe I had a little more work to do before I was able to shut the door.
I don't feel anything like I did when I started this thread.
I feel confident. I know this is the right thing to do and also know the time was right.
Thanks for your support. I am so glad to have my computer back so I can be with my 'family' again.
Thanks for walking with me for this part of my journey!
For your support and experience. That part makes me sad for all of us. But we are not alone.
Gentle hugs And lots of gratitude.

 

[ladee]

I am starting to hate him ..hate is such a strong word but I can not get this KID out of my life. He's a grown person
Iwouldnt call him a man at all
How long am I supposed to do the passive crap? I am getting do damned angry. Not hurt anymore just anger.oh God the things I want to say to him.
Want to tie him to a chair tape his viscious mouth SHUT. AND me get to do the talking for a change.
I am sick f*cking to death of him and his hatred and viscious remarks. Just for today I hate him
Thanks for letting me vent!!!

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ladee Oh god, I've been where you are and it's such an awful place for a parent to be. I used to ruminate for hours and days at a time, so angry and full of rage. The things I called my daughter(in my head) the things I wanted to say to her. The anger grew and grew until I thought I would go completely insane.

I know where you are in this process, and I so empathize with you. All I can suggest is block him from every avenue that you can. Phone, social media, change home phone # if you need to, and if he shows up at your home, don't answer the door. Boundaries, boundaries, and then more boundaries.

Hang in there!!!!! :hug: If you accept them.

 

[shimmerz]

It is super hard to sit with the uncomfortable feelings that passive aggressive hides, you know? There is always really ugly under there. Protect yourself, as you have no reason to make yourself a target during the onslaught, stay grounded, know it is his battle to fight, not yours. Deep breaths.... and much love from your companions here.

You are brave ladee. Very brave.

Much love
Shimmerz

 

[ladee]

@She Cat , how I hate it that too know what I am feeling. I hate it for both of us.
I do have him blocked
On everything.
The last message of a suicide threat he used someone else's phone.
His message to me was I was the one who drove him to this. Of course. He sent messages to my friend Donna, Pop who is raising his daughter.
So of course we don't know where he is. Pop knows. He didnt answer his phone.
D finally got ahold of . him. ofhimShe was pretty angry herself.
Supposedly he is now going to AA meetings. So f*cking what. Do I feel bad about the way I feel right now. NO
I am sick to death of doing the PC PTSD grounding.
I am going to feel this rage until I have a clear path to Take care of myself.I am responsible for me.
I am going to get this hurt and stress and anxiety out.
THEN , I Will have an honest clear path. I can't do both..
Don't even know if that makes sense. Don't care at this point.
Until I own what I am feeling and thinking I am only putting bandaids on this pain.
I hate it that you know how I feel. And as sad as it is I know I am not alone.
I do not feel one bit of toxic shame or guilt.
He is the last person on this planet that can bring up this kind of feelings. And I am going to have my own feelings.
Rage can be very cleansing for me. Handing it back to him.THEN I pick up my tools aand regroup and be the best human I can be.
Thank you for letting me know I am not alone.
It won't take long. I don't intend on giving him this power for long. Then... I do what Ladee does..I keep on keepin' on.
Thank you. Much love and gratitude for your experience and strength.