Abuser And Ex-boyfriend Were The Same Person

[PandaBear12212]

Hello everyone, I just woke up from a very emotional dream with wet eyes (I was crying in my sleep). My dream was about my ex-boyfriend coming home (he lives in North Carolina now) and said he wanted to see me. We decided to go to the mall. When we were there he pulled me close and kissed me twice. I was hoping that this meant he still loved me. When I asked him about it he said it was just boredom, and habit that he kissed people as greetings with no emotion behind it. I was absolutely devastated and hysterical.

After waking up I realized that the person I was looking at was sort of a cross between my ex-boyfriend and my abuser (another ex-boyfriend). It's really bothering me. :(

 

[Loner]

I can see how that would be very unsettling, especially if the non abusive ex was actually a decent guy. Maybe its a sign that youre scared everyone is capable of being abusive?

 

[PandaBear12212]

Well sometimes my non abusive ex was emotionally abuse, calling me crazy, overdramatic, neglecting me, yelling at me for crying (something my abuser did). But he never physically abused me.

 

[Darkling]

I have had similar dreams, where my ex shows up and either seems to behave like my attacker or says/does something that hurts me emotionally. He was emotionally abusive in real life too, and very manipulative. But I think my dreams are an extension of my self-hatred, more than anything else. My subconscious attacking me in the guise of someone I loved very dearly (or at least had a strong co-dependent attachment to- it's hard to make sense of why i stayed with abusive people, and poured so much of myself into trying to make it work). The thing is, i often don't feel like i deserve love or even kindness or respect, and I think these dreams are a continuation of that. Often in the dreams my ex screws around with my feelings, holding me very close and telling me that I'm worthless, etc.

 

[duff]

I hate dreams like this! They are so disorienting and distressing. I'm really sorry you had this experience. How are you feeling now?