Acceptance

[Mim28]

I have received a lot of great support, advice, and encouragement from the people here. But I'm bull headed. My brain just keeps beating me up and trying to force me back to where I was.

I've looked to see if there are medical contributors that could be making my recovery slow. Nope... or maybe on a minor scale. What I hear is you have PTSD and anxiety. Those are your major issues. I tried to see if there was something else. I almost hoped, so that I could speed things up. I've come back from this before and gone back to my regular life.

It doesn't seem so this time. Every time I try to get back, it seems a wall goes up. I am sitting here now sad but almost in a state of acceptance. Typing those words has allowed me to take a deep breath. I have to make changes in my life because I can't do the things I used to do before. I will have to do different things. Maybe better, more rewarding things. I struggle with making the changes because it sort of feels like giving up, but then it feels like taking control. I don't know.

I have a great family and they are willing to help me get through this. That is hard because I was the one who always took care of everyone else. It's a blow to the ego.

I use my tools daily. You all have provided some really great advice. I need to pull all this information together in a book so I have one place to go to find it all. The better me, likes to be organized.

I know when I am not accepting, I am not loving myself. In order to live, I need to do that. It is imperative. I am grateful for my life and my friends. I'm blessed. I pray a lot. I do what I can in a day. I may be giving up a lot in the physical world to save my mind body and soul. I have to not be afraid of that.

What have you done to help accept where you are?

 

[Hope69]

Wow, it seems you are doing great with the acceptance. I'm still vacillating between being pissed and thinking at least I still am working.
So what have I done to accept, acceptance is kind of like a not doing; not judging, not comparing, not ruminating.
Aside from that, reminding myself of what I still have, and being grateful for those times when I was well. At least I had a few decent years.I got to travel quite a bit. I have wonderful kids. So knowing I have lived well helps me accept that it might not be as great right now, but my life has not been wasted.

 

[Enaila]

I assist others who are needing assistance, so hopefully they won't end up with ptsd, by lending a hand to help or simply listening. I am able to accept the fact things happened in my life which were traumatizing, but I am not quite to point of accepting myself.

 

[Mim28]

@Enaila
I'm the same way. Helping others makes me feel better. I give advice to others that I should follow myself. I'm so hard on me.

 

[EveHarrington]

No medical contributors according to whom?

I've had medical issues contribute to increased anxiety. It's not even something that is that rare. But all the doctors and specialists I've seen told me the issue was in my head. In this case Google was indeed my friend. I had all the symptoms of the condition. I had symptoms which pointed to this other condition, more than just "I am anxious".

Doctors don't know everything. Mainstream doctors actually know very little outside of traditional western medicine.

If you feel deep down that something else is going on, I urge you to do tons of research. It could ultimately mean a great difference in how much you heal.

I'm not saying to not accept that you have PTSD, I just want to caution against completely throwing away the idea that there are physical contributions to your symptoms.

:hug:

 

[Mim28]

No medical contributors according to whom?

I've been a googling fool. I was trying to better my health and it seemed to backfire. I will continue to try to feel good and do the best I can.
Thank you for your support.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What have you done to help accept where you are?

Oh boy! Great question as where I am isn't an ideal place.

Well, I just sort of sat with myself and said, to myself "self, you are in a hole. Do you want to stay there or do you want to start climbing out?" I opted to accept that and try my best to climb out.

Not sure if that's what you mean but that is where I am currently. And I've seemed to accept it fully. Not sure if that is help from medication or what but I seem a bit more content then usual. Not content but just a bit more in that direction then usual.

 

[Leighlee87]

I'm working on this/ grappling a lot lately. My life completely fell apart 3 years ago, and I was officially diagnosed with PTSD a yearcago. I went a really long time trying not to feel sorry for myself or focusing on it much at all. I think a large part of me believed things would really improve. They have improved, but not to the extent I would have hoped or in the ways I would have imagined. I'm starting to see some of the long term struggles that are going to exist. And as much as I've tried not to, there is part of me that has started to grieve what ptsd has done to me.

That said, very recently I've started to think about the fact that the tools I need now are different than the tools I needed pre-ptsd. Before ptsd, the tools I used to help regulate my emotions, stress, and memories were automatic. I didn't have to think about applying them, I just did. I knew what I needed, immediately acted on it, and it normally didn't take a whole lot to find equilibrium again. A lot of those tools don't work with ptsd, they just dont. I'm having to learn that the tools used for ptsd are not ones that you automatically have at your disposal. They first have to be taught and then practiced. So, I'm going to have to start usin these tools, like it or not. If I want to get my life as close to "normal" as possible, then I have to apply the things my therapist is teaching me, I have to fight harder for myself, I have to take meds, I have to build in a lot more downtime and self-care. I would benefit from a service dog, etc. The more things I use that are at my disposal, the more closely I will live the life I want to live again.

 

[Muttly]

I am not full of a lot of advice now but wanted to tell you it's ok to let others take care of you. Maybe it's your turn. I think maybe acceptance and patience go together and that can be so hard.

You are a kind, strong, smart, and funny person. Your value is not tied to recover.

 

[eloc]

I just found this article
Endocrine Aspects of Posttraumatic
Stress Disorder and
Implications for Diagnosis and
Treatment
Nikolaos P. Daskalakis, MD, PhDa,b,c,*, Amy Lehrner, PhDa,b,c,
Rachel Yehuda, PhDa,b,c,d

Its in a 1200 dollar book on PTSD that came out in June 201 but you can get this chapter for free from academic dot edu . The highlights for me were:

Unlike the extreme dysfunctions associated with common endocrine disorders (eg,
diabetes, thyroid diseases), the hormonal changes in PTSD are subtle, but together
they reflect a specific accommodation to traumatic experiences that results in an
exaggerated response to subsequent environmental stressors. PTSD represents a
failure of the stress response system to regain homeostasis, and it has been associated
with lower levels of cortisol.

...

watershed events that result in PTSD often leave the survivor feeling that he or she has been permanently changed. Whereas the goal in acute and even to some extent chronic stress is to help the person achieve homeostasis and recovery to a prestress state, in PTSD, the therapeutic goals involve acceptance of the transformative nature of life-altering events.

When stress is chronic or severe, the stress system activation might be prolonged
or fail, and this might lead to an allostatic load, where the stress mediators are
no longer protective and burden physiologic systems, ultimately leading to disease.17
For example, dysregulated HPA axis activity associated with chronic stress has been
linked with psychiatric, circulatory, metabolic, gastrointestinal, and immunologic
diseases.

Indeed, the Institute of Medicine Committee on Treatment of Posttraumatic
Stress Disorder found inadequate evidence of efficacy for all classes of
medications tested in randomized-controlled trials. And although cognitive behavior therapies (emphasizing exposure and cognitive restructuring) have been found to induce improvement or recovery, some of those who enter treatment either do not complete or continue to experience significant symptoms. Thus, there is a continued need to develop and evaluate new interventions for PTSD.

Do not abandon pursuit of ruling out medical causes as there is comorbidity - you have PTSD but you also have a body affected by it and also having its own issues seperate from the PTSD _ Iahve been told an internal medicine specialist can help manage between PTSD and your biology but the one I saw said stay healthy and stay away from the internet - what a tool/

 

[Mim28]

@eloc , thank you for the information.