I do the same thing
@ghotiff with my now 5 year old son. What helps me when I do something that can be close to what my mom did to me, is remembering I'm doing my best to heal and recover from what I went through to be a better mother. She never did anything to truly improve herself. I also try to remember, though we can convince ourselves it's not enough, that when I'm "bad" I'm not nearly as bad as she was, and I recover from it sooner so that the damage isn't as severe as when she would do it.
Totally understand the "perfection" thing. I had to do everything perfectly as a child, or I wasn't allowed to do it because I wasn't good enough. It's something I struggle with not doing with my son, and even other people in my life. For example, I remember hanging clothes on the line once to dry, and as a child took my sweet ass time. She got mad that I wasn't doing it quickly enough, and said "forget it, I'LL do it". Growing up I never had chores because I never did anything "right", then she'd complain that I never did anything around the house... We did have a family therapy session once with her therapist, and when I told her therapist a couple of things, the therapist berated my mother. But my mother still didn't learn. So with my son, he's only 5 so there isn't much chore wise he's big enough to do, or coordinated enough to do yet. lol. But I have him fold all the laundry. And kids, at this age, want to gain their parents approval. So he does do a pretty great job for a 5 yr old. (And I hate folding laundry, so it's a win-win, lol). He even puts all the clothes away where they belong when he's done. But still, none of it's really perfect. But I praise him for it regardless because at least he's doing it, and doing his best with it, that's all that matters. Well, my mom came over to take him for a night, and went through his clothes to get stuff to bring. She commented "wow, these were folded horribly"(or something along those lines). I got so mad with her. I yelled at her that Liam is 5, and does his best, and despite them not being "perfect", he does a damn good job. Then she just gets embarrassed and flustered says something like "I wasn't saying that, -laughs-, I was just saying they're not very good, calm down".
None of us is "perfect", but as long as we're trying to do our best by our kids, that's what counts. And I'm pretty sure just the fact that we're all on here getting the help we need is a sign that we're better than our parents. Because I know personally, mine wouldn't do this, or not to get help with themselves, they'd do it to find help in "handling" me. I'd say not to beat yourself up, but I know how hard that is to not do that, but try not to. And like BlueOrange said, try to focus on what you ARE doing right to be a better parent than your own.
