Don't really know where to start, so here goes. Sorry it's so long, just a lot to explain.
I am a gay female and my best friend is a straight male combat veteran with PTSD. We have a very emotionally intimate friendship and I have been learning a lot about PTSD through the past year and a half or so of being close friends. Due to the amount of time we spend together, I am very aware the various symptoms he experiences and usually how to respond appropriately to them. One of his symptoms is nightmares/flashbacks during his sleep and acting out those nightmares (while laying prone in bed). Having shared hotel rooms and other living arrangements with him, I have seen this acting out of the dream occur and it doesn't scare or startle me because I know what it is. Unfortunately, an incident occured between us recently that neither of us have experience with and we are not quites sure how to handle.
Recently, a snow storm resulted in my having to stay at his place for a few days and nights. Due to space limitations/options, we ended up sharing the bed at night. This initially was not a problem, as the bed is large enough for both of us to sleep comfortably and, while our relationship is platonic, we don't have a problem being in close quarters with each other. The first two nights were fine. He did talk in sleep and act out dreams, but if I gently moved him in another direction or stated his name a couple times, he was fine. The third night, however, I was awoken by him groping my breasts and whispering sexual things in my ear--all while he was sleeping. I was not able to wake or redirect him and since he is bigger and stronger than me, it was difficult to get out of the situation. I don't want to go into a lot of detail here, but a lot of groping and sexual touching occured before I was able to get out of his grasp and away from him for the rest of the night.
We have always talked very openly about things in our friendship, so this was discussed immediately the next morning. He remembered nothing that actually happened between him and I during the night, but knew that he was reliving a specific day in his sleep, one which apparently included a sexual encounter with a woman he was seeing at the time. I am completely aware and accepting of the fact that he was sleeping and know that he would not do anything to harm me in any way were he awake. I do not hold any blame or contempt in my heart toward him over this. In this situation, I am able to separate his behavior from his character and the situation hasn't really changed things too much between us. In fact, now that he is more aware of how he may behave in his sleep, he is going to seek out treatment to help him with his symptoms.
The issue now is that, since the incident, I have experienced "flashbacks" of a sort myself. I have had a couple dreams and sometimes when he and I are together, I will hear his voice in the back of my head whispering the things that were said that night during the incident. This is just a hard situation for us to navigate. We are used to discussing things like this openly, but I worry about talking about my feelings about the situation because he doesn't remember doing anything and can do nothing but apologize. I feel guilty bringing it up when I have feelings about it, because I know he has no knowledge of it. It actually feels like a completely different person was the one doing it to me.
I don't know. The whole situation is just weird to navigate and I was wondering if anyone else had any similar experiences or insight. Thanks!
I am a gay female and my best friend is a straight male combat veteran with PTSD. We have a very emotionally intimate friendship and I have been learning a lot about PTSD through the past year and a half or so of being close friends. Due to the amount of time we spend together, I am very aware the various symptoms he experiences and usually how to respond appropriately to them. One of his symptoms is nightmares/flashbacks during his sleep and acting out those nightmares (while laying prone in bed). Having shared hotel rooms and other living arrangements with him, I have seen this acting out of the dream occur and it doesn't scare or startle me because I know what it is. Unfortunately, an incident occured between us recently that neither of us have experience with and we are not quites sure how to handle.
Recently, a snow storm resulted in my having to stay at his place for a few days and nights. Due to space limitations/options, we ended up sharing the bed at night. This initially was not a problem, as the bed is large enough for both of us to sleep comfortably and, while our relationship is platonic, we don't have a problem being in close quarters with each other. The first two nights were fine. He did talk in sleep and act out dreams, but if I gently moved him in another direction or stated his name a couple times, he was fine. The third night, however, I was awoken by him groping my breasts and whispering sexual things in my ear--all while he was sleeping. I was not able to wake or redirect him and since he is bigger and stronger than me, it was difficult to get out of the situation. I don't want to go into a lot of detail here, but a lot of groping and sexual touching occured before I was able to get out of his grasp and away from him for the rest of the night.
We have always talked very openly about things in our friendship, so this was discussed immediately the next morning. He remembered nothing that actually happened between him and I during the night, but knew that he was reliving a specific day in his sleep, one which apparently included a sexual encounter with a woman he was seeing at the time. I am completely aware and accepting of the fact that he was sleeping and know that he would not do anything to harm me in any way were he awake. I do not hold any blame or contempt in my heart toward him over this. In this situation, I am able to separate his behavior from his character and the situation hasn't really changed things too much between us. In fact, now that he is more aware of how he may behave in his sleep, he is going to seek out treatment to help him with his symptoms.
The issue now is that, since the incident, I have experienced "flashbacks" of a sort myself. I have had a couple dreams and sometimes when he and I are together, I will hear his voice in the back of my head whispering the things that were said that night during the incident. This is just a hard situation for us to navigate. We are used to discussing things like this openly, but I worry about talking about my feelings about the situation because he doesn't remember doing anything and can do nothing but apologize. I feel guilty bringing it up when I have feelings about it, because I know he has no knowledge of it. It actually feels like a completely different person was the one doing it to me.
I don't know. The whole situation is just weird to navigate and I was wondering if anyone else had any similar experiences or insight. Thanks!
