Adding Structure

[Deleted member 20978]

I have decided to put on pants, go get some Chipotle and then hang out reading at the bookstore. Take *that* unstructured time!

 

[shimmerz]

To me, structure brings expectations. Expectations applied stress. Too much in the cup. Can you start really small? Like I will brush my teeth 2 times a day? 1 time?

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you starting out by having every day structured in the same way? Maybe you should start out by having only one structured day at a time. And then the next day, don't worry about structure. I know I must have unstructured rest days. If I force every day to be structured, I burn out. And, I have a great sense of accomplishment after I have completed my daily activities. Over time I have more and more structured days. It's a lot harder for me to say every day I will do _____.

 

[The Albatross]

I have a core set of inflexible and flexible "commitments"... I started small, and then goal/challenged them til they became habit and then new behaviors... as soon as I'd normalize one, I'd pick another on my "list". I was successful in part because I recognized the necessity of doing certain things "every day" but also by having flexible commitments to be able to ditch out on as necessary. Self care stuff is every day. Getting back to a job/work was 3, then 4, then 5, now 6 days a week... the flexible stuff in my life now is mostly community commitments/volunteering.

My recovery program and mentors were non-negotiable about the self care stuff. I'm glad they were too.

 

[Crow]

I wonder how different this would be if I had a partner/support person to assist with every day necessities. Just pondering. I've heard support makes a world of difference. But then the relationship dynamics come into play.

 

[The Albatross]

I found early in recovery being accountable to a mentor to be assistive... but I find now that being accountable on my diary is equally assistive. As things normalized I didn't need to post them anymore... but I did have a self care checklist and ran a bunch of goal challenges "semi-publically" on my diary to keep me accountable.

 

[The Albatross]

Relationship dynamics seldom come into play if you are goal focused and understand that the accountability partner is good willed and intends well... it does not bode well for a lot of excuse making... particularly when the stated goals are your own. My mentors had a b.s. meter and called me on my own crap. I'm all the better for it frankly.

 

[Crow]

I meant more like a husband or wife. Someone who would make dinner when I can't get our of bed or tell me to get out of bed when I don't think I can or split the house work and errand running. Just typing out this is causing that overwhelmed feeling. My best days are making work, feeding the cats and managing to eat one meal.

T acts as an accountability person. Using my diary is a great idea though I don't think anyone really reads it. Otherwise I know no one for that kind of role. Maybe I can figure something out.

 

[The Albatross]

I never included a spouse as an accountability partner... it did adversely affect the dynamic and I actually had quite a time as I began to recover taking my ability to function back.

 

[The Albatross]

I also kept my real life friendships separate for the same reasons. Too taxing for peeps not in recovery and when you initiate a change... they accept or reject the "role" and buck for the status quo... peeps don't like change. Even when it's for the better and you may not need them in that "role" anymore.

 

[Crow]

Okay guys. I've made a list of tasks for the week. I started to do it by day but that felt too much. If i don't get things checked off, I'm no worse off. It wouldn't have been done anyway. I'm going to try to do two things at least each day.

Thanks for all the suggestions.