Adding Structure

[ghotiff]

Can I ask why you want to add structure to your life. It's something society expects but it really is meaningless. Is there an outcome you want that you think structure will provide. If so I would try to think more about ways to achieve the outcome, rather than ways to implement one possible solution (i.e. Structure).

 

[Crow]

First off having a standard time to sleep and wake adds to both emotional and physical health. Eating is important. The body is healthier when there are set times for meals each day....and healthier when a person actually eats. Showers are important for so many reasons. Cleaning the living space - again decreases depression and improves health. Making work on time lends to keeping a job which helps with paying for food and utilities so one can shower and cook. And I won't go into having clean clothes and the dozens of other things like exercise and art and entertainment and the stuff that gives meaning to living.

So yeah. Society expects structure. But sometimes there are good reasons for expectations.

 

[ghotiff]

I personally find a task tracker more useful than a time/structure approach to help me get things done, but that's just me.

 

[Ronin]

What gives you *a sense* of structure and a sense of *fulfillment*?

I try to start there. If it's something lining up with my interests, I'll find a way to fit it into a day, and then build a day around it eventually, too. But the building blocks got to be something I'm into, when out of interest I won't have the motivation on either good or bad days, not even speaking of the days I'm really low.

 

[barefoot]

Start small...pick the thing(s) that feel easier/most manageable/that most appeal to you and then build things up in a manageable way over time.

Keep a track of any fallout....if you start to have a really negative reaction, perhaps you've pushed too hard, so peel back on one (or more) of your new structures until you stabilise again.

And know that you're bound to fall off the wagon and that's ok. It can be really difficult to create new habits and it takes time, so be kind to yourself if you don't always keep to the structures and routines that you've decided to do.

 

[intothelight]

Sometimes too much structure or being too stringent can cause a lot of anticipatory anxiety. Start with a few things and sometimes a range is better than an absolute deadline. Things like sleeping, waking, and eating then become habits and flow naturally which is far less stressful.

 

[Crow]

Thanks guys. Great suggestions. I do use a checklist type approach but usually only have energy for a few things. Then after four or five days of being productive I spiral unto darkness and nothing gets done except going to work, feeding the cats, and flossing & brushing my teeth (which took two years to become a necessity for me to do). Gotcha on keeping it small. I'll look at what makes me feel the best and start there. Appreciate it.

 

[Teasel]

Some things that help me with this - telling myself I can do as much or as little as I want. Instead of telling myself I have to do everything on the list.
Not beating up on myself when I go through a bad patch and dont manage much if anything of the structure.
Rephrasing tasks in a much more positive way - instead of cleaning, saying make something (in my home) look beautiful
Instead of exercise, strengthening my body.
Something that can help me get going with the structure after a bout of depression is to tell myself for eg that I only have to wash one plate. Most of the time that feels manageable and it makes me feel good to have done something and once I've done the one plate I often carry on and do plenty more.
I have nice things on my list as well as necessary chores. Self care types of things like meditation, watching something funny or inspirational.

I do struggle very much with self sabotage still though.

 

[barefoot]

@Berlinda's idea about washing up one plate makes me think of Stephen Guise's Mini Habits book. It's about just that kind of thing - when you're trying to create new habits (which is what we're talking about here,I think) he suggests going as small and as easy as you can so that it never feels too difficult or unmanageable or off-putting. And so we're not setting ourselves up to fail from the get go.

His original aim was that he wanted to get fitter so he kept vowing to go to the gym to work out but he just never did. It felt overwhelming, that it was too much effort, that he might find it too difficult and then fail, that he didn't have enough time etc.

So, he reduced it to committing to doing one press up every day. That aim was so small, that he could always find the tiny amount of time, energy and will required to achieve his one daily press up.

As Berlinda finds with her washing up, Guise also found that once he'd got on the floor and done one press up, he'd often go on to do more - more press ups and then other activities too. So once he got into his groove with it, he often did end up doing a work out. But - if he only did his one press up? Mission accomplished! He'd achieved the goal he'd committed to, so no need to beat himself up about "I only managed to do one press up today."

He did a similar thing with writing - made a mini habit around writing a very small number of words every day, which was totally achievable. Often, he'd end up writing more. But, if not, if he just did his minimum target - job done!

It's an interesting read :-)

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I have this whole theory (I have a lot of them) about organizing principles being critical to mental health and functioning. These are things like foundational relationships, job or career, maybe a passionate hobby. The idea being that our brain is designed to recognize these pillars in our reality and is pretty good at organizing our behavior and energy output around them. Losing any of the above is widely recognized as a potential major depression trigger. I believe because losing a foundational part of our life means that suddenly our map of the world (which is ultimately what the brain is for) is invalid in some minor or major way.

Anyway I find it incredibly difficult to structure my time these days as I have somehow lost *all* my people/places/things. It simply does not matter if I do the dishes or don't do the dishes, neither one will move me closer to grounded or having a future. So I conserve energy and don't do them. (In the theory, depression involves a lot of rechanneling energy into deep processing depending on how severely invalid the map has become and hence how much work must go into forging a new one.) So I have no idea how to solve this issue, but at least I know *precisely* why it pisses me off when people give lame advice like "just make yourself do it" based on their assumptions that the only thing between me and healthy living is getting on top of minutia.

I'm a little bitter about it this morning perhaps. I guess if there's advice in my response it is that we sometimes need to find new meanings and purposes first and only then can we get more organized. I used to juggle an immense number of responsibilities including doing all the dishes and most of the cooking. I know the problem isn't as simplistic as a "symptom". I will keep reading this thread as maybe other suggestions will be helpful to me too. Wishing you luck in doing what I seem incapable of doing these days.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Some weeks I go four days without having a conversation with someone else.

I have a PM here with someone and thats helps. Sometimes daily, others times as needed or just to share. Much easier as the PTSD commonality and issues are already understood. Supportive without guilt or shame, or fear of being misunderstood.

A dog is very akin to having a two year old child, meals and walks etc. That is very structured. Take better care of her than myself.

 

[Crow]

@Jemini again, right on target. The uselessness of everything becomes all consuming very quickly. Then I have to do the weeks long crawl out of darkness. Seems a more efficient use of time to just do nothing and not deal with the deep depression than do a couple of things and dive back down.

@Berlinda and @barefoot really fascinating idea. Thanks!

@Changeling thanks!