Adult Children Raised By A Widowed Mother With Ptsd

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Recently, my youngest daughter came from Pa. to visit me in California. And the memory of her mother crying all the time she was growing up came back to her. All her memories basically are of me crying in my room, the car, the grocery store and anywhere I thought brought a tear.

I showed my daughter this forum so she would know - we, she - was not alone - that what I go through is real as the day of the events that took place. The sadness in her blue eyes was devastating and I was angry at myself because she and her three siblings needed a healthy mother and not some whack job in charge.

My oldest son and daughter suffer from PTSD as well and, it shows. My daughter was drunk - got her brother arrested for attempted murder and kidnapping, which was B.S.! He sat in jail for a month until all charges were dropped. Let's see we all need (?) MORE PTSD ISSUES! She was trying to steal his car while he slept. He stopped his sister, by tying her to the chair!

PTSD has created turmoil for my children and right now - the guilt - the sorrow of knowing what my children are missing and have missed out on is weighing heavy on my heart.

 

[Reclusive]

You can't beat up on yourself for this, Linda. You did the best you could. It's hard to find that perfect balance, especially when it comes to parenting, even without issues. You should acknowledge that you did your best and remember that you're still their mother and now you're in the role of teaching them how to be healthy adults with whatever issues they have. Now you're in the role of creating more memories - more the kind you would like to have with them. Your future is wide open. I'm not saying that you should just be over your problems, just that you're a good mother and that I know you're going to continue to do right by your children.

I hope that makes sense - I can't decide if I make sense to me today or not. And I hope you can accept it in the spirit in which I intended it.
((((hugs if you'll take them))))

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

It does make sense (today), Reclusive. I wish my brain would accept this without conditions. I realize, angst based on mistakes is normal but this unforgiving side of myself is an issue. I did do the best I knew how... kept them fed, clothed and sheltered, and I loved them so, but I could never be huggy or kiss about it. And, I didn't play with them ... I was shut down. My regret is I cannot get that back. So, I am purging this despair to get too the realization and balance I had hoped for.

 

[Nicolette]

I did do the best I knew how... kept them fed, clothed and sheltered, and I loved them so.

Linda, I think it is this you need to focus on and not the regret. The past cannot be changed but things like showing your daughter this forum and giving your children to process the 'whys' may in some way make some difference as they now have the ability as adults to have understanding, perspective and potential to change their adult lives - just as you do.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Funny thing, Nicolette. I believe that and am consciously aware of this. I'm always adapting, changing, even my locations if need be because in that action of taking risk - and also, experiencing a new surrounding - is where I find my strength.

Unfortunately, I bore easily and make compulsive projects a mission to occupy my mind. E.g. I found a house so dilapidated - it should be torn down. But to keep my body and mind busy - I began repairs of major construction (my photo is current home). A little over a year at it I'm bored - done and now I want to move. This is my lifetime pattern. It's like - a driven urge to keep moving, don't slow down. I don't like being in one dwelling too long - death creeps up on you because places and people become stagnant without change.

 

[Nicolette]

Hmm.... do you really think death creeps up on you or you don't like or can't cope with anything too familiar for long periods of time as it is those things which caused you hurt or pain?

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

This I am pondering.

 

[Reclusive]

And after awhile, too, the moving becomes a habit - both in thought and action. When I was younger, my family moved every 2 years. When we finally stayed in a town for three years, I felt SOOOOO restless and ready for a change of scenery. Just because my internal timer said it was time to move. Just a thought.