Advice About Uncontrollable Bits Of Memory

[Meadowsweet]

Sometimes I can't control feelings and images coming into my mind. Its like a constant flow of fragments.

At the same time my legs feel like jelly, I feel tired and shivery. Because of this, my urge is to go and curl up in bed.

Yesterday, I did curl up, and all that happens is I go into the feelings and images in my mind and they feel more real and it seems to get worse.

So today, even though my legs still feel like jelly, I'm keeping moving. I've delivered some papers, done the shopping, cleaned lots. My mind is still going, but I'm not paying any attention to it. Its like being in a very noisy room, but not listening to anything thats being said.

But when I'm using distraction, it doesn't feel right. It feels like my minds seperate, and my bodies on automatic. And it scares me when I notice what I'm doing, because I think if anything out of the ordinary happened that needed me to act quickly and sensibly, I wouldn't be able to. I'd be the person still cleaning the cooker while the house was falling down.

So I wanted to ask of other people who experience this, what do you do? Is it better to dwell in the memories for a while, or to distract until they go etc

 

[Anna]

Hi Meadowsweet. I have the same sometimes with the memories. Sometimes I get hyperactive and run up and down the stairs. It makes me angry upset and hypervigilant. I cope by doing what you did today. I distract myself until eventually they go away. I sometimes will get a favourite feel good film, comedy is best and watch it for awhile. Worst is holidays when I am at home. Work is a reall good distraction or talking to people. I find distraction the best way for me personally. If I go to bed I just end up crying and that is not a good thing. Busy busy busy all the way :) I also find singing helps.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I'm not sure if distraction can be avoidance though, and whether its prolonging the feelings until they go down again.

 

[intothelight]

Meadowsweet,

I find that if I write the fragment down and then "let it go", that as I record them a more complete picture develops over time. Trying to figure out what the fragment was and what it meant just frustrated me no end. So I mentally just made time for it, recorded it and figured that eventually all the pieces would come together like a puzzle.

They don't always form a complete memory, but I get enough to understand what is affecting me in the present. Then that is what I focus on, so that I can overcome whatever emotion is bleeding through from the past and deal with it.

Maybe this will help. I am not avoiding them, but I am also not allowing them to disrupt my life. There are just times I can't process what I fully do not understand and have to wait a bit until the understanding comes.

Deb

 

[Meadowsweet]

I wrote a little bit down on sunday, and then distracted myself. So maybe its ok for me to do that.

The snippets that were coming up were all bits of the abusive relationship I was in. But they were sort of memories of everyday stuff. I know that no abuse is ok, but there is everyday abuse and then more occassional bigger things. But I think sometimes the little things are difficult to get my head around because it was part of everyday life, but it doesn't feel like my life.

When those feelings come back, I feel as if I'm there. That comes with the realisation that those are my experiences. Maybe its part of accepting.