General Advice on How To Handle Trip To Visit Relatives?

[desperate]

We have been invited to spend Thanksgiving with my extended family, which is something I haven't done since I was a child. I spoke to my husband about it, and he agreed to go with no argument at all. However, my family tends to be very loud and obnoxious, not to mention that it's a BIG family (six siblings, all with kids, plus my mom had four siblings, etc.). My husband says he will be fine, but I know he has a tendency to freak out a bit around crowds, and if he goes an extended period without his "quiet time". I don't want to just not go - since I would love to see my family and I don't want to discourage him if he at least THINKS he wants to go. Also, it's a tiny town that doesn't even have a hotel - so that's not an option. Any pointers from people who have faced this before?

 

[pegasus]

Find something that your husband has to have everyday i.e. Starbucks or whatever you can come up with that he can drive out and get in a small town. It may not be exactly the quiet time you are looking for, but it's something. It's something as a kid I remember my Dad always doing when we were at my grandparents. He wasn't a sufferer but it clearly was his "quiet time".

 

[CCurry]

Hi,

That has happened to us as well but my BF will just "disappear" after the meal to go for a walk outside. With being a large crowd sometimes it takes awhile for people to notice his absence. So he might want to try that too.

Carmela

 

[Butigotup]

How far a trip is it? If it's driving distance, what has worked for us is to keep it short. We have a ready excuse -- somewhere else we need to be so that we have to arrive late or can't stay for the whole event, and tell our relatives "we're sorry we'll have to leave early, but we want to see you so we're coming for as much time as we can." I think it helps my wife to have a defined end time...she can know "I just have to make it to 7:30," and then she can decompress on the drive home.

If it's not driving distance, then you might need to learn to respond to your husband's needs more than your relatives' expectations -- the two of us will often agree that she goes out for a long walk at a certain time of day or goes to the next town for some excuse (the starbucks thing would work, often we'll say she has to find a wireless connection and log on to her work or class at least briefly, which is usually mostly true) at certain set times. Then we just stick to that. Part of me may worry that it looks a little odd to my relatives -- but actually, they're just happy to see us and in the bustle I don't think her absence bothers anyone -- and they've grown used to it and just cherish the time they do get with her.

We've just learned to give her the expectations and space she needs, and compromise relatives expectations just a little. We may keep a little more distance than the typical houseguests and never stay long, but that's okay with us. We enjoy the time we do get, and I think relatives enjoy it, too.

 

[Nicolette]

I would try and stay at the nearest hotel possible even if that may involve a drive. Otherwise have you tried to see if any of the houses in the area are for rent or there is a B&B in the area?

It is important to be able to have time out somewhere....