Cathy Vannatten
New Here
Hello, I am in need of some suggestions and support as I am a wife who just realized how bad my husband's PTSD is when I became the person he is detached from.
My husband is a 2 time Iraq vet who also has multiple other risk factors once I sat down and actually looked at the DSM diagnosis guidelines. 6 actual symptoms...you only need 3!
I work in the criminal justice field, so I do have knowledge of mental health issues and have actually talked to him several times over our 10 year relationship about PTSD. I had always resolved myself to "If he does, it's not bad." Or the typical CRJS/MH professional thought "This just does not happen in my home."
Our relationship has always been one of daily expressed love through words, affection, care you name it! We don't fight about anything, never have! After 10 years it's still totally that silly school girl love that still smiles when he walks in a room or receiving a random text saying he loves me. Truly a relationship that one dreams of, one that makes everyone around you jealous. Even still with what I am about to tell you is!
About 6 months ago my husband started what seems to me to be the start of a major self destruct mode. He has to be put on medication because of anxiety and anger issues because he was about to loose his job. In 6 months time, he destroyed 2 major relationships. One with his mother, it has always been chaotic and she is one of his risk factors so it didn't click on me then. The second our daughter, she is actually his step daughter, but because she got pregnant at 17 by someone he didn't approve of and lost her soccer scholarship to college he pretty much disowned her and will say he doesn't love her. Still that didn't click cause dang it lets face it I was pretty upset too, but I still loved her.
Detaching with close friends has happened over the past 4 years as well but, that happens in life when life happens so still I was setting here pretty clueless. A common statement of him is "I can just turn off feelings for someone" do you know how many times I have read that in the past 2 weeks in my research!
Now for the slap in the face. Everything is going perfect between us. Daughter moved out when she turned 18 and it's down to just us, we can finally live the life we have dreamed of when she was grown and gone.
Then my world stopped and came crashing down in front of me. He comes in and says "I put in for 3rd shift at work." Of course my question was why? Life is finally ours. His answer "I need to wean myself off of you, I want to leave but can't walk out the door because I love you to much." Me HUH!?! WHAT THE HECK!
After the next couple days of my confused state as he is still as loving as ever to me the light bulb turned on! Finally after all these years I went and looked up PTSD. Right there staring at me in black and white was my answer! Suddenly everything that has happened in the past 4 years made perfect sense! 6 symptoms, 7 risk factors and a additional 7th symptom that is not DSM recognized but the VA has completed studies and say 85% of combat vets who also have PTSD have this issue which also started about 4 years ago. I talked with a therapist friend of mine and confirmed my thoughts as I had 6 typed pages of stuff that has or is currently happening.
Then I sat down and talked with him. While yes he admits and sees what I am saying, he doesn't see that the detachment from people and eliminating his social support is a PTSD issue and refuses to get help.
I'm at a loss, he started 3rd shift yesterday and has stated that he plans to leave within 2 weeks. I'm very worried as he is about to leave truly the ONLY people he has in his life for social support. Me, my family and his 2 best friends as they stayed on first shift.
I'm open for any suggestions as I'm fighting this battle alone, no one knows yet.
How do I help him realize what it is before it's to late and he looses everyone and everything?
What do I say when family ask why, cause he can't even tell me an answer.
Hello, I am in need of some suggestions and support as I am a wife who just realized how bad my husband's PTSD is when I became the person he is detached from.
My husband is a 2 time Iraq vet who also has multiple other risk factors once I sat down and actually looked at the DSM Diagnosis guidelines. 6 actual symptoms...you only need 3!
I work in the criminal justice field, so I do have knowledge of mental health issues and have actually talked to him several times over our 10 year relationship about PTSD. I had always resolved myself to "If he does, it's not bad." Or the typical CRJS/MH professional thought "This just does not happen in my home."
Our relationship has always been one of daily expressed love through words, affection, care you name it! We don't fight about anything, never have! After 10 years it's still totally that silly school girl love that still smiles when he walks in a room or receiving a random text saying he loves me. Truly a relationship that one dreams of, one that makes everyone around you jealous. Even still with what I am about to tell you is!
About 6 months ago my husband started what seems to me to be the start of a major self destruct mode. He has to be put on medication because of Anxiety and anger issues because he was about to loose his job. In 6 months time, he destroyed 2 major relationships. One with his mother, it has always been chaotic and she is one of his risk factors so it didn't click on me then. The second our daughter, she is actually his step daughter, but because she got pregnant at 17 by someone he didn't approve of and lost her soccer scholarship to college he pretty much disowned her and will say he doesn't love her. Still that didn't click cause dang it lets face it I was pretty upset too, but I still loved her.
Detaching with close friends has happened over the past 4 years as well but, that happens in life when life happens so still I was setting here pretty clueless. A common statement of him is "I can just turn off feelings for someone" do you know how many times I have read that in the past 2 weeks in my research!
Now for the slap in the face. Everything is going perfect between us. Daughter moved out when she turned 18 and it's down to just us, we can finally live the life we have dreamed of when she was grown and gone.
Then my world stopped and came crashing down in front of me. He comes in and says "I put in for 3rd shift at work." Of course my question was why? Life is finally ours. His answer "I need to wean myself off of you, I want to leave but can't walk out the door because I love you to much." Me HUH!?! WHAT THE HECK!
After the next couple days of my confused state as he is still as loving as ever to me the light bulb turned on! Finally after all these years I went and looked up PTSD. Right there staring at me in black and white was my answer! Suddenly everything that has happened in the past 4 years made perfect sense! 6 symptoms, 7 risk factors and a additional 7th symptom that is not DSM recognized but the VA has completed studies and say 85% of Combat vets who also have PTSD have this issue which also started about 4 years ago. I talked with a therapist friend of mine and confirmed my thoughts as I had 6 typed pages of stuff that has or is currently happening.
Then I sat down and talked with him. While yes he admits and sees what I am saying, he doesn't see that the detachment from people and eliminating his social support is a PTSD issue and refuses to get help.
I'm at a loss, he started 3rd shift yesterday and has stated that he plans to leave within 2 weeks. I'm very worried as he is about to leave truly the ONLY people he has in his life for social support. Me, my family and his 2 best friends as they stayed on first shift.
I'm open for any suggestions as I'm fighting this battle alone, no one knows yet.
How do I help him realize what it is before it's to late and he looses everyone and everything?
What do I say when family ask why, cause he can't even tell me an answer.
My husband is a 2 time Iraq vet who also has multiple other risk factors once I sat down and actually looked at the DSM diagnosis guidelines. 6 actual symptoms...you only need 3!
I work in the criminal justice field, so I do have knowledge of mental health issues and have actually talked to him several times over our 10 year relationship about PTSD. I had always resolved myself to "If he does, it's not bad." Or the typical CRJS/MH professional thought "This just does not happen in my home."
Our relationship has always been one of daily expressed love through words, affection, care you name it! We don't fight about anything, never have! After 10 years it's still totally that silly school girl love that still smiles when he walks in a room or receiving a random text saying he loves me. Truly a relationship that one dreams of, one that makes everyone around you jealous. Even still with what I am about to tell you is!
About 6 months ago my husband started what seems to me to be the start of a major self destruct mode. He has to be put on medication because of anxiety and anger issues because he was about to loose his job. In 6 months time, he destroyed 2 major relationships. One with his mother, it has always been chaotic and she is one of his risk factors so it didn't click on me then. The second our daughter, she is actually his step daughter, but because she got pregnant at 17 by someone he didn't approve of and lost her soccer scholarship to college he pretty much disowned her and will say he doesn't love her. Still that didn't click cause dang it lets face it I was pretty upset too, but I still loved her.
Detaching with close friends has happened over the past 4 years as well but, that happens in life when life happens so still I was setting here pretty clueless. A common statement of him is "I can just turn off feelings for someone" do you know how many times I have read that in the past 2 weeks in my research!
Now for the slap in the face. Everything is going perfect between us. Daughter moved out when she turned 18 and it's down to just us, we can finally live the life we have dreamed of when she was grown and gone.
Then my world stopped and came crashing down in front of me. He comes in and says "I put in for 3rd shift at work." Of course my question was why? Life is finally ours. His answer "I need to wean myself off of you, I want to leave but can't walk out the door because I love you to much." Me HUH!?! WHAT THE HECK!
After the next couple days of my confused state as he is still as loving as ever to me the light bulb turned on! Finally after all these years I went and looked up PTSD. Right there staring at me in black and white was my answer! Suddenly everything that has happened in the past 4 years made perfect sense! 6 symptoms, 7 risk factors and a additional 7th symptom that is not DSM recognized but the VA has completed studies and say 85% of combat vets who also have PTSD have this issue which also started about 4 years ago. I talked with a therapist friend of mine and confirmed my thoughts as I had 6 typed pages of stuff that has or is currently happening.
Then I sat down and talked with him. While yes he admits and sees what I am saying, he doesn't see that the detachment from people and eliminating his social support is a PTSD issue and refuses to get help.
I'm at a loss, he started 3rd shift yesterday and has stated that he plans to leave within 2 weeks. I'm very worried as he is about to leave truly the ONLY people he has in his life for social support. Me, my family and his 2 best friends as they stayed on first shift.
I'm open for any suggestions as I'm fighting this battle alone, no one knows yet.
How do I help him realize what it is before it's to late and he looses everyone and everything?
What do I say when family ask why, cause he can't even tell me an answer.
Hello, I am in need of some suggestions and support as I am a wife who just realized how bad my husband's PTSD is when I became the person he is detached from.
My husband is a 2 time Iraq vet who also has multiple other risk factors once I sat down and actually looked at the DSM Diagnosis guidelines. 6 actual symptoms...you only need 3!
I work in the criminal justice field, so I do have knowledge of mental health issues and have actually talked to him several times over our 10 year relationship about PTSD. I had always resolved myself to "If he does, it's not bad." Or the typical CRJS/MH professional thought "This just does not happen in my home."
Our relationship has always been one of daily expressed love through words, affection, care you name it! We don't fight about anything, never have! After 10 years it's still totally that silly school girl love that still smiles when he walks in a room or receiving a random text saying he loves me. Truly a relationship that one dreams of, one that makes everyone around you jealous. Even still with what I am about to tell you is!
About 6 months ago my husband started what seems to me to be the start of a major self destruct mode. He has to be put on medication because of Anxiety and anger issues because he was about to loose his job. In 6 months time, he destroyed 2 major relationships. One with his mother, it has always been chaotic and she is one of his risk factors so it didn't click on me then. The second our daughter, she is actually his step daughter, but because she got pregnant at 17 by someone he didn't approve of and lost her soccer scholarship to college he pretty much disowned her and will say he doesn't love her. Still that didn't click cause dang it lets face it I was pretty upset too, but I still loved her.
Detaching with close friends has happened over the past 4 years as well but, that happens in life when life happens so still I was setting here pretty clueless. A common statement of him is "I can just turn off feelings for someone" do you know how many times I have read that in the past 2 weeks in my research!
Now for the slap in the face. Everything is going perfect between us. Daughter moved out when she turned 18 and it's down to just us, we can finally live the life we have dreamed of when she was grown and gone.
Then my world stopped and came crashing down in front of me. He comes in and says "I put in for 3rd shift at work." Of course my question was why? Life is finally ours. His answer "I need to wean myself off of you, I want to leave but can't walk out the door because I love you to much." Me HUH!?! WHAT THE HECK!
After the next couple days of my confused state as he is still as loving as ever to me the light bulb turned on! Finally after all these years I went and looked up PTSD. Right there staring at me in black and white was my answer! Suddenly everything that has happened in the past 4 years made perfect sense! 6 symptoms, 7 risk factors and a additional 7th symptom that is not DSM recognized but the VA has completed studies and say 85% of Combat vets who also have PTSD have this issue which also started about 4 years ago. I talked with a therapist friend of mine and confirmed my thoughts as I had 6 typed pages of stuff that has or is currently happening.
Then I sat down and talked with him. While yes he admits and sees what I am saying, he doesn't see that the detachment from people and eliminating his social support is a PTSD issue and refuses to get help.
I'm at a loss, he started 3rd shift yesterday and has stated that he plans to leave within 2 weeks. I'm very worried as he is about to leave truly the ONLY people he has in his life for social support. Me, my family and his 2 best friends as they stayed on first shift.
I'm open for any suggestions as I'm fighting this battle alone, no one knows yet.
How do I help him realize what it is before it's to late and he looses everyone and everything?
What do I say when family ask why, cause he can't even tell me an answer.
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