Relationship Afraid to let me close

[Trecy]

Thank you Eve Harrington & grit for yet some more insight.

I see. I don't want to disturb the peace he has tried so hard to built for himself. When I'm scared I inform myself as much as I can, but trust me that outside of this forum I apply no pressure.

The rare moments in which he has opened up I listened,but I doubt he connects his troubles with what happened and if so belittles it. It was six years ago! Who hasn't gotten over yet by now is a loser. (possible thought train)

He isn't knowingly aware of PTSD. Offering him the info and then let him make a decision and accept it or keeping my mouth shut and avoid being pushed away?

 

[Freida]

You can't fix his ptsd.
He can't fix it until he has a diagnosis to work from and then he has to be willing to do the work
You can't make him get help
He has to want to get help
Until something changes in him nothing is going to change in your relationship
You have to accept things as they are or choose another option that makes you happy

I don't want to sound like it's hopeless because it doesn't have to be. But most of depends on him. I think some therapy for you might be beneficial to see why you are ok with him acting like this and why you are taking on the role of counselor. That's not a bad thing - everyone needs someone to vent to. But you can't fix this for him because it may require much more than someone who loves him listening to him. If it's ptsd then he has a long hard road ahead of him. Learning to set boundaries now may make that journey easier on you if he decides he is willing to get help to save the relationship later.

 

[Justmehere]

It’s ok to suggest counseling and a possibility of PTSD. Try mentioning you went to therapy and you found it helpful to help normalize it.

 

[Trecy]

Thank you Freida & Justmehere for your replies,

After another phase of avoidance I received a message in which he explained that he was sorry for having lacked the mental energy lately. I told him that I know certain things did happen that shouldn't have happened to him and that for 5 years I feel something has been hurting him.
That we have already seen each other's dark side (If he hated dogs I could cope)
& about the wall that seems to be between us.

He didn't reply, but made a sweet remark about my lame joke. (I love dogs) I am aware thisusually is not a subject to add jokes to but I knew it would make him feel more at ease.
Usually he will deny if something is fetched a bit too far. He didn't.
I feel ok about having shared my thoughts,even if there was no reply I think it was acknowledged. Certainly not denied nor ridiculed, which I take as a good sign.

We will see each other Tuesday for a longer period.He has this conversation to come back to if he wishes to do so, but the focus is to reconnect and feel comfortable again around each other. Admit it,both a little nervous and excited.

 

[Trecy]

Thanks, I will get help concerning the questions you mentioned Freida.I know this is too big for me. He owes his healing to no one but himself and his betterment.