Agoraphobia: Anxiety Much Worse If I Can't Anticipatie Things

[Lady of Longbourn]

I have noticed this for the last year.

Usually when I leave the house, things are planned out. I know where I am going, in what order I am doing it and what I will need with me. I will plan out routes (in my head) of what is easier, faster, safer etc.

But if things happened that surprise me or that I can't anticipate I will usually have anxiety about it. Sometimes the anxiety is simple and passing in a few minutes and then sometimes it will drive me home or I panic.

This mostly happens outside the house. Though I am starting to wonder if I also do that with the TV. I will watch the same shows over and over again. I always thought becasue of the comfort and that I feel they are 'safe' but I am starting to think it might also be becasue I can anticipate what will happen.

I know my therapist and I have talked about this. I can't remember it all, but I do think something about 'control' was mentioned. As a kid, everything was a surprise so my anxiety was a constant factor that was always in my life. Nothing was really planned and if it was it was out of my control. I guess that left me feeling helpless.

I was just wondering how many other people do that and if maybe there is something that can help. I am starting to feel it may not always be a good thing. I am starting to realize that there are a lot of things I wont do becasue I can't anticipate them.

 

[jd9900]

Hey Ayesha. I want you to know I go through very much the same things. For example, if I travel and have to rely on anybody else to drive/fly me somewhere, I immediately get....well, I used to call it claustrophobic, but honestly that isn't the right term. It's just a huge wave of anxiety that I sometimes cannot let go of. It may last for minutes, or days. It's...unreal. I think (and God knows I am no teacher in this regard, simply like you, trying to figure things out..), but I think it ultimately comes down to figuring out how to trust again. I'm just trying to surround myself with people that I hope I can trust (the ones that have been there for me when I needed them), and trying to let go of this fear I have.

I so very much can relate to what you said.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

For example, if I travel and have to rely on anybody else to drive/fly me somewhere

Agree with this. I like being in my own car verse other peoples.

About it having to do with trust, at least in my case...I don't agree but I am too tried to figure out why right now. :O_o:

 

[HëllaBubz]

I find that knowing plans helps me cope a lot better because I can expect things, and not be so much on my guard. However then there's the days where I'm so brain dead that I can't remember if I knew what the plans were in the first place! Effing frustrating!

 

[jd9900]

I'm sorry Ayesha - for ME, it seems to come down to trust, at least in part. I didn't mean to imply anything, but I definitely can relate to what ya said.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@jd9900 No problems. Clarification is always best.

And people can disagree. Nothing wrong with that. :) Input is always welcome becasue you could make someone realize something they wouldn't have otherwise known. I had forgotten about having to drive my own car for example, but remembered that was a big issue for me when you said it.

 

[digger]

I think for me it comes down to control maybe. Needing to feel that I have some control over at least some parts of my life when so much feels outside my control.

 

[therisa]

I think, in my case, it's an issue of trust and limiting my exposure to others (control), as I try to block the time, which I am, outside of my comfort zone. Especially, when I have to book my medical appointments or do shopping, as I have to take public transit, to get around, to avoid having to face the rush hour crowds. Two of my worse panic attacks have happened, because I wasn't, in control, while taking transit.

And yes, @Ayesha I do avoid certain TV shows, because they are triggers for me.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@therisa It is not just triggering shows. Sometimes the show can be perfectly normal and I still wont watch it.

 

[jd9900]

My wife and I have learned that if a show is triggering me, one of us really needs to start picking up on the warning signs. The way my body shifts, if I close my eyes, if I gasp in what is seemingly a normal scene...it's time for me to go somewhere else. If I don't, the TV will actually...trap me in some way. I will know I have to leave - but I feel paralyzed, like I can't move. When that happens I am in full fledged "trigger" mode and I am basically looking out my bedroom window wondering if I can survive the jump. All of this over a comment in a sitcom, sometimes. I'm doing better at coping with this, but man..it would be nice if your brain had an on/off switch sometimes so you could just watch a darn show. :)

 

[KP the nut]

(((Ayesha))).

I think what you feel is 'normal' for us. I am managing so much better that I was 2 years ago. I can now drive, however I must have the route clear in my mind and if there is a deviation from my route I am in a complete and utter spin. I have to stop and take time. I must 'ground and refocus'.

I think the important thing is to as the Boy Scouts say 'Be prepared'. I always carry certain things with me to help me ground. Acceptance is in my humble opinion another must. I tell myself that it is okay to feel like this, I acknowledge my feeling and allow myself time.

I watch new shows on TV but sometimes even they can affect me. When my daughter was home, we watched a girly movie called, I think, 'One Fine Day'. I loved it, we were having a lovely night when suddenly a scene had me to my knees crying out. Oh boy, it is hard even thinking back to it, I can't explain further as I'm in tears thinking about it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, keep pushing, take precautions, but try and move forward.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I'll have to think about the trigger part.

I do avoid some TV shows becasue of triggers. I was in a shop yesterday and the TV was on. There was a ad for another TV show and it was one of those crime shows. Woman being badly abused, man hitting her, woman screaming. I flinched and shivered, looked away. I don't like watching live TV.

But I think for some of the things I do. My driving patterns for explain, I feel safer in my own car, with me driving. I wonder how much is about control. That I have to feel in control.

Even something as simple as a plan or a sequence is needed for me. I will usually start with something that is further away from my house and then work my way back towards it. I notice my husband doesn't do this. Doesn't normally have plans and doesn't have any idea how I think.

But I do think it is having a negative effect on my life. I am a bit worried that it is too much about control.