AID Worker in China - My Wife Has Complex PTSD

[FreedomO2]

Hi Anthony

Hey Harry,
People go and help those less fortunate and often find themselves quite over their head, in that you have such passion and caring to help, yet without even knowing, the trauma that surrounds you becomes part of you, PTSD is an example of this. The effects of helping and doing good often has an impact upon those helping far beyond what they could have ever imagined. Some humanitarian missions I did for example(...) I guess its like an unknown sacrifice (...).

How do you know these things? This is soooo right what you are saying. You seem to have knowledge about 'culture' and 'Aid work'. Please share some more.

You are right that many people burn out. You come out here (to the poor and needy) with alot of compassion, you think you have what it takes, but every person reacts differently. I worked with traumatized people before, not as a psychologist, but as a helper, planner, debriefer, listener, emotional first aid etc... After 9/11 with foreigners working in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Tsunami in Thailand. accidents. And it makes sense to me if other people have PTSD due to terrorist attacks and other traumas. BUT NOT ME! NOT MY WIFE! This is hard for me to accept that we are actually weak and fragile beings. That we have limits. It shouldn't hit home, but it does. It's right in my courtyard now. In my bed. 'Let's fix it and move on with life!' ???
What does PTSD mean for me now? Over the last years I always had this image of me sitting in a Formula 1 car, wanting to drive really fast (cause I have what it takes) and my wife constantly pushing the breaks. of course, the car gets hot and burns out.
Well, I am not very logical here in my writing, sorry about that.
It just doesn't feel fair, neither for my wife, nor for me, nor for my children.
harry

 

[anthony]

Mate, unfortunately life is not fair, yet I believe you know that already.

I am a veteran, and whilst some think military only commit to war, we also commit to aiding countries in times of need. I have done this aspect also, seen many terrible things, situations, living conditions and as I have pretty much mentioned. It has an impact, and these factors are just as much attributable to a soldier getting PTSD as is the act of war or situations themself.

I have been in countries to provide aid, food, water, basic rations, medical aid and so forth. I have seen some dark places, places most would never see or imagine beyond watching it upon Opera or the like. To see with your eyes and not through a TV is a whole different thing, as you are well aware. It has an impact to see death and knowing you can't do a damn thing to stop it. That lives within a person for the rest of their life, whether they want it or not. Even the hardest of men I have seen come to their knee's watching a child die from starvation. Not one of those topics for general discussion.

 

[becvan]

Welcome to the forum, Harry.

bec