Almost Lost My Mind At The Store!

[anni]

We all feel that way, Goose, at one time or another, or have in the past. I've been working at ways to go in, around through and just with this stupid thing for a couple of decades. It took forever to actually get the nerve to get to therapy for a ton of reasons, one of them being not wishing to be around people. Therapists are generally ( the good ones) the first people on the planet to understand why we don't wish to be there, remember. KTMarie is correct, too, a doc can find ways to make things as easy as possible for you at first.

It still may take some time before you can get the oomph to get there. In the meantime this isn't a bad place to be. It's no alternative to therapy, of course, but you'll see you're not alone with anything you've been through or are going through now plus it's incredibly helpful having some good, solid articles about various aspects of PTSD to read. I'm not familiar with other forums but I do know this one is very, very safe and free from whatever a troll is. :) I take it that would be some sort on internet predator or all around annoying person who has no business somewhere.

I really liked some of the grounding things others wrote of and plan on trying them when needed-like combining the breathing with tactile messages to the brain. That's another very cool thing about being here- the input from others who have experience with things. I get very confused personally with various professional approaches so find it helpful when things are put in ways I can get a grasp on them, you know?

 

[Adrienne12]

Goose,
I always think of all the ways I can escape or get help if I need it as a last resort. Most times....just the thoughts help and I don't end up needing anyone. I have filled up entire shopping carts, put my stuff on the checkout and then freaked out and left. I have gotten up in the middle of a movie I was waiting months to see because I couldn't catch my breath.

Now...I secure an escape plan as soon as I get somewhere. I look for all the exits. I sit on the ends of the aisles so I can get out as quick a I can. When I am at the grocery store...I tell myself "You can leave at any time." In some weird way...it works.

I have not gotten to the point where I can take the train again or go to a crowded game but I figure....baby steps. This is a start. I know you get panicked by strange men. I do too. I am suspicious of everyone and it's hard to let your guard down. So...creepy men are a trigger for you. Least you know what sets you off now. I am also triggered by being held down or trapped. I hate closed spaces. If that is a trigger for you as well...the escape plan idea may help. The creepy man one.....I have no clue. I just leave as quickly as possible or act like I am on the phone until I can get somewhere safe.

I don't think it will always be like this. I am sure one day...we will all be able to go wherever we want and do whatever we want again. That is what keeps me going. I know that I was once able to be free. So, I look forward to that day again.

 

[angel2write]

I tried about 2 years ago, I made an appointment and everything and when I got there I couldn't make myself get out of my truck and go inside. I had a complete meltdown in the parking lot.

I had a horrible time trying to get to my first appointment. It took me over a month just to make the call. I'd have a panic attack every time I thought about picking up the phone!

But I finally did it, and the receptionist was nice. I gave her my email and asked her to have the therapist email me because I was really, really afraid of coming in. I think they thought I was weird, but she did it. She emailed me, and I emailed back, and she emailed me. It made me more comfortable. I wasn't going in cold to see a complete stranger. (I still had two full-blown panic attacks on the day. But I started getting ready hours before it was time, and I eventually made it to the office.)

If you can look around and try to find someone with experience with PTSD, they will know how hard it is for you to walk in. Maybe they could come out to your car and introduce themselves? Maybe your friend could go with you the first time and provide moral support to get you in the door? Do you have comfort objects like stuffed animals you could take with you?

It's all about figuring out a way to make yourself feel safe. What would make you feel safe enough to see someone? Or even to call someone?

 

[Goose]

I thought about so many different ways to try and do things. I have only 1 friend that lives near me that I would trust to go with me. But I hate asking him for anything. He works all the time and I already feel like I've become a second job for him. I know that I stress him out enough as it is, it makes me feel awful. Not only do I feel like I'm going crazy and hurting myself by the things I do, I'm doing the same to him and I don't want to do that. Its like he's giving and putting in so much more to our friendship than I am. I feel so guilty thinking about him helping me. Honestly I don't know what would make me feel safe enough to see someone.

 

[Tosh]

When I am at the store and start to feel weird it's almost like I'm losing myself. I look for an empty aisle or corner, I turn my back to everyone (so they can't see what I'm doing) then I close my eyes and just breath for a minute. It's weird, but it's what helps me. I try to shut everything out and find myself agian. It helps me sometimes. If that dosen't help I make a quick dash out of there and leave my shopping for another day.

 

[angel2write]

I have only 1 friend that lives near me that I would trust to go with me. But I hate asking him for anything. He works all the time and I already feel like I've become a second job for him. I know that I stress him out enough as it is, it makes me feel awful.

I hear what you're saying about not wanting to "use up" your support person. It's an important thing to think about. But ideally, if you can get into therapy, what you will have is a SECOND support person. Someone who can share the burden of caring for you and helping you learn to care for yourself.

Just saying-
A

 

[anni]

Nothing is at all wierd if it 'works', because after that it is less stressful and the whole routine tends to become less 'wierd', if that makes any sense. I was kicking myself all over the place while having a therapy session, explaining the convoluted manner in which I get SO many things accomplished-how stupid it all is, and how ridiculous it seems. He just said well, yes. but you did 'it', didn't you? Oh. Well, now that you mention it, yes, yes I did! His perspective turned my self image around enough that what I'd been viewing as abysmal failures through sometimes downright bizarre behaviour ( I carry a friggin riding crop most places I go ) into perhaps success against odds. I still do not actually believe it always but gosh- it's a nice thing to TRY to believe. Whatever works, you know?

You're trying, Goose, and I do have to think you'll figure out something-some way to be able to contact someone for some safe feeling. It IS tough when there's noone to trust. Have to thought about looking around for a local PTSD support group? Not just for the support, but because those in it could provide the sort of help you might need in various ways.I also do not mean to push religion ( I'm not, swear! ) but local 'real' churches tend to be very well connected with mental health resources and might have contacts for you, even know of some type of organization which could unndertake the role of 'friend' when shopping. Even just looking around the internet might help you see if others have recommendations on therapists who are good and whom they trust, you know? I actually found my T ( after some dreadful ones ) through asking my minister. I just said look, WHO is 'good', not necessarily religious, or who you're supposed to tell me to go to, or who you like personally- who do you KNOW as a trained professional yourself is GOOD?

I'm sorry you're feeling like a burden to your friend. It's an awful feeling, I know. It's probably not the case, but you do have a lot of company here with most of us feeling we've worn the stuffing out of our friends. Sorry such a long reply here, Goose. I just see you wishing so much to get out there so thought I'd offer what's been helpful for me in the past.

 

[Tosh]

Nothing is at all wierd if it 'works', because after that it is less stressful and the whole routine tends to become less 'wierd', if that makes any sense.

I was just rereading what I wrote. Yes, that makes sense. Guess I was thinking the feelings I get when I'm around people are "normal" and the stuff I do to cope is weird. Now that is some messed up thinking! It's because coping is new to me. I am still learning. When I use coping strategies in public it feels strange or akward cause I haven't used them many times. I started weekly therapy only a few months ago. I am learning new ways to cope, but my PTSD is much worse today. You opened my eyes to my own thinking, which I wasen't aware of. Guess I don't believe it will ever go away, so I've adopted the feelings I get when around people as "normal". That's kinda sad, but it is true.

 

[Ron]

I know what you're talking about. I had a couple full blown panic attacks last year.One happened walking down a busy street, and one happened in a busy supermarket. Nobody knows what we're talking about. They are SCARY! After those panic attacks I read up on them. I carry ativan in my pocket now but have never had to use them. For me it's all about inner self talk.I tell myself in my mind I am completely healthy and safe over and over.First things first Goose, see a doctor.The only advice I can give you is educate yourself about them. Use inner self talk telling yourself you are totally safe and healthy and that anxiety is totally harmless.And do not give in and alter you life because of them.Get out there and confront the anxiety. You can and you will overcome this.:cool:

 

[anni]

Yes, and I always think well, who knows what mechanisms other people are using in order to be out there also? If you look around when you're in a store, you'll see 'them'- people you can tell are having a tough time in some way, you know? NOT that it's nice to see others miserable of course, but just realizing that we're not 'the only ones', and the crowd around us is not necessarily full of confident, breezily happy individuals to whom a trip to the store in nothing more than a blip on the daily screen.

Someday, someone is going to ask why on earth I have a riding crop perched on top of my purse in the shopping cart. I do that on bad days- whatever works. A child said somethng once and I told him it was because I had a horse ( I do not at the moment ) and he seemed perfectly satisfied with that for an answer. If an adult asks I just might tell them. :)