Sufferer Alone, survivor of domestic violence

[taffygirl]

Hi,

I am a 46 year old mum of 3 and have just hit hit by a wall of pain, sadness, anger and fear.

I was married for 18 years to a man who abused me emotionally, physically and sexually. Since finding the courage to leave and divorce him he has begun to financially abuse me and psychologically abuse the children.

I don’t know what happened but 2 months ago it all hit me. The mask slipped and I feel raw.
I have a man who loves me, three children who need me and a family that loves me - I am luckier than many - but I feel alone.
I’ve no real friends - my ex moved us all over the world and those I have confided in don’t understand or seemingly care.
It’s the first time in my life that I am unable to switch off from the pain and park it elsewhere and I can smell, feel and sense him everywhere.
I feel helpless

 

[Ronin]

Hi, welcome.

I can smell, feel and sense him everywhere.

But he's not, and you've been stronger than him and smarter than him all of this time. You also left. You can defeat that ghost of him. I'm not saying it won't hurt, but you can do it. And also? Can disregard him.

I feel helpless

You aren't. You left, with your children. You trusted enough you confined in people. You found someone new. You''re reaching out for support to a bunch of strangers, here. You're systematizing everything in your head. You're allowing yourself to feel.

You're not helpless. You're acting. You're fighting. You're protecting you and yours.

 

[Kamalic]

Yuck :( i could feel you when you said " i can smell, feel, sense him everywhere". I am so so sorry taffygirl... I just wanna give you such a massive hug, omg, **massive hug being sent** ..

there are millions of people that feel alone, so you are not alone, does that make it better? No. But that does mean you have a support group of people that can possibly help make this new journey in your life more easy. You can get tips and tricks online or join Facebook groups with single mums in the uk, or join meetup groups to go to in person and meet other mums. Joining this forum was a perfrct start :) youre already taking control by reaching out and showing your strength by being so aware of your weaknesses at this time.

Youre reaching out, thats a starting point, and idk if it matters at all, i care, i dont want you to feel alone, you should be supported, loved, held and uplifted for all you do for your children and all that u went thru in your relationship. I wish life was perfect and i could be a fairy god mother and make it all better for you and everyone else, but all i can do is let you know that im some girl in the usa, and i really freaking care about you. So you can private message me if you like, im down to skype or send snail mail or pm here on ptsd forum.

Remember how strong you are, how amazingly solid you are to have gone thru all u did and to still be standing even when the walls seem to be crashing in around you. Reach out, let go of fear, dont let fear hold you back from making new friends in your area, joining groups, churches, etc.

Sending love

 

[taffygirl]

Just burst into tears reading your replies...have felt so disassociated from everyone around me. Jealous of people who have “apparently” easy lives and disconnected from my potentials - personally and professionally.

Your messages have made me feel heard...feel cared about and understood
Thank you x

 

[Kamalic]

*hands tissue* you are loved, we just arent close by ;)

Trust me, dont compare, then youll never be satisfied. I deleted my instagram, facebook, etc and only kept the social media that made my life better or filled it with joy. If you have a FB, take off all the notifications from ppl, only get notifications from the people you truly care for or love. And put your IG account on hold if you have one, nothing good comes out of scrolling thru instagram looking at everyones "fake" amazing life.

Re decorate your life, what works for you? What brings you joy? Bring more of that into your life. What brings you down? Make a list and go over it with the group on how you can improve those certain areas. Etc.

Youre in the right path :)) its just a new path so its overwhelming and scary seeming right now, but you will concour and prevail!!

Xoxox

 

[taffygirl]

I have been considering “pruning” some people from my life
I don’t have the energy to worry about other’s or even be interested (which is so unlike me). I think I spent my time caring about others and not for myself - it removed me fro my own issues.
Thank you so much for your love x it’s appreciated and reciprocated

 

[Ronin]

Jealous of people who have “apparently” easy lives

I periodically whine about not having a normal life enough.

Then I have it for a brief time and sabotage it at the earliest opportunity as too boring. :hilarious:

So - no, you're not an odd ball, in every case. There's others that think, feel, etc like you. Trauma lies. And isn't forever.

 

[Kamalic]

I have been considering “pruning” some people from my life
I don’t have the energy to worry about other’s or even be interested (which is so unlike me).

This is so "unlike you" because the old you didnt take care of herself. Start putting yourself first above all, start introducing small joys (stop and smell a flower the next time u pass one, seriously just take a quick wiff even haha) and start to introduce happiness back into your life.. fill your home with joy. What makes you laugh? Who do you enjoy being around? What are some old or new hobbies you could try? Are you religious? Join a a church or group to study together. Or join anon religious womens group. Join a group for surviors of abuse.. reach out to your local womens shelter or womens advocacy group and let them know youre lookng for outreach or groups, they will definitely connect you.

 

[Supervixn]

I'm coming from respect, but just a question: have you ever considered spirituality? That cured my overwhelming sense of aloneness that I've felt for my entire life. Yes, I get lonely, but I never feel "alone" anymore. It took me to get to a point of complete desperation to seek spirituality and to experience it. But I feel stronger and like I have a higher power on my side to protect me and guide me and be there for me.

Just sayin what works for me :). I hear some wonderful suggestions in these replies so far!

 

[taffygirl]

I haven’t considered a specific spirituality but I have a belief - given to me by wonderful parents and grandparents that have seen me through or been a sounding board.
I guess I just now need to have some belief in myself...stop seeing the fat, ugly, worthless, incapable lump that I’ve been told I am. I see glimpses of ME then find it’s hard to believe that she’s real. I’ve spent half my life losing her.

 

[Supervixn]

I guess I just now need to have some belief in myself...stop seeing the fat, ugly, worthless, incapable lump that I’ve been told I am. I see glimpses of ME then find it’s hard to believe that she’s real. I’ve spent half my life losing her.

What you've been told about yourself isn't the truth at all. You've seen glimpses of your true self, that is wonderful! Sounds like getting to know yourself is a step in the right direction! How can you make the time to do that? What are some things you can do to get to know the goodness and truth inside of you?

 

[taffygirl]

I THInk i is the need to find some time to think about me...
Not easy or natural x