Am I Disassociating?

[_demolition.lovers_]

Okay, so every once in awhile, I randomly (or maybe I get triggered?) start to feel like:
- I'm not myself. Like I know who my name is, but I feel like an actor playing their role, or a robot.
- I can't/don't speak and avoid mirrors. It really bothers me when I hear my voice or see myself, because I can't/don't associate my voice/myself with being...well... me.
- I feel really numb and start to self harm. This part usually happens if I see myself or hear myself. I will punch myself or cut myself, and I can't seem to feel it, or it feels like I'm just hurting my 'outer shell', or armor.
- I feel like I am trapped inside my body and I want someone to help me, but I can't communicate it.
- After it's (whatever it is) over, a bunch of time has passed and everything that happened is really foggy, or I can't remember it.
I'm really not sure what this is, and I want to know what yall think it is before I go and seek a second opinion.

I also start thinking a lot, with most of my thoughts being something like this, "Is this me? Am I thinking? I? What is me? Am I moving my arm?" Etc etc etc

 

[Ice_Fire]

Yes this sounds like textbook dissociation actually. I think it's specifically depersonalisation (feeling like a robot) And the mirrors thing is a form of dissociation called in the UK at least 'identity confusion'. Losing time and feeling foggy is definitely straight up dissociation.

The good news is it does not sound like dissociative identity disorder.

I would seek a professional opinion.

Hope I've helped?

 

[Friday]

Sounds like it.

You might find this useful

Dissociation Explained

 

[Kailani]

It sounds like depersonalization to me also; I have that subtype of PTSD; it is so... difficult!!!!! Can't associate the feelings with yourself and even if you do it doesn't make them go away. Grounding techniques can help take it sown a few notches and deep breathing. I hope you feel better and find helpful advice. Please keep us posted. My heart goes out to you!

 

[_demolition.lovers_]

Thank you guys! I'll definitely be doing some more research. But anyone who has anything else to add would be appreciated.

 

[MrsBeasley86]

That is exactly how I feel. Like I'm in a dream or a movie. I look around and I know everyone and I know where I am. But at the same time it feels strange. Fake. Like a picture. It's so scary. It's normal and harmless. It's the brains way of detaching itself and protecting itself. But it still feels horrible! How does everyone cope with this??

 

[_demolition.lovers_]

That is exactly how I feel. Like I'm in a dream or a movie. I look around and I know everyone and I k...

I mostly hide under my blanket (sounds funny, but it's basically the same thing as breathing into a bag, and blankets are really comforting), and try to take a nap. Or draw, listen to music, try to distract myself. Obviously you can't bring a blanket where ever you go, but this is the only solution I have found.

 

[MrsBeasley86]

I mostly hide under my blanket (sounds funny, but it's basically the same thing as breathin...

That's really good advice. Anytime I'm feeling off, I cuddle with my blanket. It makes me feel protected :)