@LadyAnne92, I'd like to offer a few insights from somebody who loves her own Vet. Some of this may seem insensitive, but reality is reality when you attempt a relationship with a Combat PTSD sufferer.
Being a supporter to person with untreated PTSD is almost impossible. In order for PTSD relationships to work out, both people have to be willing to make changes, sacrifice, and work hard. You can learn to be a very good supporter, but if he is not getting treatment and working on himself, then it won't matter what you do. He could get massive amounts of treatment, but if you don't learn about his PTSD or how to support him, it's not going to work either. Forget everything you think should happen in a normal relationship. It's not going to work with a sufferer.
"Thanks for the great end to memorial day". Now that just made me mad...
Memorial Day is hellish for Vets with Combat PTSD... that may explain his attitude on Memorial Day.
I know that our issues can't all boil down to me being selfish and needy, when in reality I try so very hard to fulfill all of his needs, including his need for space.
You have to be willing to learn to "let it go." I think one thing that all good supporters learn is that petty things are not worth a PTSD melt down, and one of the things you grow to realize is that sometimes some of your "needs" are petty. Not to say that you have to compromise your "relationship deal breakers." For example, abuse is never excusable, neither is cheating, lying, or bullying. If you need physical affection all the time, then somebody with PTSD is probably not a good choice of partner for you. However, if you can understand that because of his disorder he is not going to be able to be affectionate all the time, and accept it in your life, then you can make it work. If you cannot make these kind of sacrifices, you should not be with him.
If you feel the need to be right all the time, this is not going to work. If you are being the least bit needy, it's not going to work. Sufferers cannot handle their own emotions a lot of the time, so they are not going to be able to handle yours.
he now wanted space to "relax" and "do his own thing", which usually meant scrolling through his social media feed, watching TV, or playing video games....I went along with it and tried to just be there with him even if we weren't specifically doing anything together. So, I would sit next to him on the couch and lean my head on his shoulder or hold his hand. He seemed incredibly annoyed at that.
When they say they need space, they need space... alone. They need to reset. That is totally a PTSD thing, and the kindest and most loving thing you can do is give them alone time. As in, leave the house, go do something on your own. He needs solitude. Another person touching him when he is feeling the need to isolate is probably unbearable to him.
I jumped out of bed, stormed down the hall into the living room, and proceeded to defend myself! I told him that I live in confusion over what he wants from me, as every path I take seems to irritate him more. He cut me off and said that he "didn't want to hear any of my bullshit". I was not going to be dismissed like that. I was furious. I smacked my palms down on the back of the couch and yelled that I expected to be treated with respect and that I would not tolerate being written off like that. He went berzerk.
Sufferers of Combat PTSD were trained to fight in "fight or flight" situations by the military. They aren't going to shrink away and get sad when confronted, they are going to be aggressive. Confronting them with an argument is
never a good idea. If you come at them aggressively, they are going to respond aggressively.
But now...well now, my life revolves around cooking for him, cleaning up after him, and meeting his many emotional needs.
That's what supporters have to do sometimes. He is not well right now. He is not treated, and not handling his symptoms well. When sufferers are in a rough patch, you have to be willing to be a caretaker.
He will never be normal. He will always have PTSD. You will always have to meet his emotional needs.
