Am I Just Weird?

[Sick of Fear]

When I learn about people committing suicide, I get really down. Not just like an "aww that sucks" kind of down, but like it was someone close to me even if I've never met them. Does anyone else experience this, or am I just weird? I honestly feel like a weirdo sometimes for grieving over strangers, but then at the same time I don't feel like they're strangers because I relate to them and it breaks my heart that I couldn't tell them so before it was too late.

Sorry if I'm not making sense, I just haven't been in a clear state of mind since I found out about an old friend's ex (whom I've never met) losing their battle to PTSD.

 

[Sianm]

I'm completely with you on that one! As I know how it feels to be rock bottom, it makes me incredibly sad that they must've been in an absolutely awful state of mind. I tend to get really sad at the fact they were having such a hard time. No one should be driven to suicide, so it's hard to hear of for sure.

 

[Jlso111187]

I also get down when I find out some one commited suicide. I think its because that was me one point in my life many different ways I tried. It's hard to know what you felt at that point in time and maybe that's the same thing they feel. It always makes me wonder what they were thinking if it was the same as me. I know I don't know them but I can relate so it feels as though I do. Sometime's if I know the reason they did it and it is the same as what I've dealt with it makes it harder on me and I take their death hard.

This one girl here in my town was being raped by her father and she wouldn't tell no one, she finally told me and I tried to help her and talk to her as much as I could but that wasn't enough she was pregnant with his kid and felt that was way too much to bare so she hung herself. It killed me I did know her but I felt more emotionally connect with her because I know how it is to have your rapists child.

 

[amcen]

When I learn about people committing suicide, I get really down. [...] like it was someone close to me even if I've never met them. Does anyone else experience this, or am I just weird?

Hello Sick of Fear, please be aware that what I will say is only from my own experience, so I don't know if it is true for you.

I felt the same until a very few months ago, going extremely down, I mean I had real crisis of despair that lasted sometimes up to 3 days, just learning about people's suicides or about their deep sorrow even if they did not suicide. People that I did not know at all.

It took me several years to understand why I felt that sensitive, "empathetic", sadly in a destructive way. What actually happened is that, by crashing down "for others", I unconsciously allowed myself to openly feel the pain that I already HAD in me anyway, without having to face my own story that I was not ready to face yet. So, it was a way that my body found to face my own pain, an easier way to feel it "through others" than straightly face to face.

In my life, I have been abused as a child in several ways, then I deeply buried all my emotions from 10 to 44, then I felt what you said, it was an indirect way to start to feel my emotions again (in a very hard way though), it went stronger until I had no more choice but die or face my abuses "in the eyes" last year. Then, last year, I went on my healing path and really, I feel better and better. Now, I can say that I still feel for others very deeply, but it does not crash me down anymore, and I would even like to volunteer in a helpline.

So, to answer your question, I may be wrong but to me you are absolutely wonderful, I see what you are feeling and going through as a very positive step, although it is not a funny one.

Does all that make sense?

I wish you the very best, Sick of Fear :)

 

[DanFaur]

Dear Sick of Fear,

I can relate to the feeling of being "down" when reading or hearing about other people who have lost their battle and taken their own life.

Relating to those people, in my opinion, is a natural response when you have yourself felt very down. I can also totally understand and relate with what amcen has posted about unconsciously allowing ourselves to openly feel the pain that is inside us anyway, and dealing with that in a less direct way.

I am trying to see the other side of the this conversation now as well, trying to see what can be turned into a positive so that my future in facing these "down" times can somehow be transformed. I think that if I can now share my story of recovery with others around me, that maybe they will see something there they can relate to, and gather strength from to face their own difficulties. That is my hope!

Thank you for your post. I am reminded of the value of my own life, and the importance of being here to support each other through the difficult times.

Best wishes always,
DanFaur

 

[Orglethorp]

I feel the same way, Sick of Fear. I definitely empathize with people who have committed suicide, and I sort of grieve for them, even if I didn't know them. Beyond that, I also feel the loss of friends who have committed suicide in a completely different way than anyone I've known and loved who has died from other causes. I find it takes me a lot longer to finish the grieving process for them.

I think it's partly because I know exactly what it feels like to be that low, and I'm sorry for them that they weren't able to get the help they needed, or that they didn't feel strong enough to hold on, but it's also partly because it reminds me of what it feels like to be that low. I've never been sincerely suicidal, but I know what emotional rock-bottom feels like, and I struggle with suicidal ideation every single day. To hear that someone else lost that struggle is devastating.