General Am I overreacting?

[sportsgirl]

So my wife had a major, major blackout two nights ago. She reverted to the six-year old version of herself (this is where she goes when she is really stressed and in major PTSD mode) and hid out in the fort she made from a card table and a blanket in our living room. In the five years we've been together I have never seen her like this. It got to the point where her therapist called me to check on after getting no response from my wife (because she was in six-year old mode and doesn't know what a cellphone is).
Yesterday when I got home from work (after she had seen her therapist) I thought we might talk about it all she said to me was "why didn't you tell me that (name of her therapist) called you last night?" That's all that she said to me.
I am sorry, but am I overreacting? I know not to take it personal, but show some courtesy and respect to me. I can't imagine what she goes through when this happens. In this case I was also effected.
This time it really hurts.

 

[Sideways]

"why didn't you tell me that (name of her therapist) called you last night?"

This sounds like it was coming from an honest place. It’s likely she has absolutely no idea what happened during that time, including that she missed a call from her T.

No, you can’t be a mind-reader. And it’s okay to get PO sometimes.

But on the flip side? It probably seemed like a legitimate question for her, since she wouldn’t have known what the hell went on. That can be pretty scary.

Hopefully her T will get her levelled out and this remains a rare experience for you both.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Does she have DID?

I have OSDD diagnosed (so no amensia) and I have no control over who comes to the foreground and how long "they" stay there.

No, you can’t be a mind-reader. And it’s okay to get PO sometimes.

Totally agreed!

This sounds like it was coming from an honest place. It’s likely she has absolutely no idea what happened during that time, including that she missed a call from her T.

Agreed here too.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I am sorry, but am I overreacting? I know not to take it personal, but show some courtesy and respect to me.

Nope... it’s only human to get irritated if somebody gets snarky with you, especially after it sounds like you had a massively exhausting night of care-taking. You checked your response out of empathy and compassion... which is what a good partner would do.

I’m only glad my vet can’t hear all the “f*ck you pal”s I say in my head at times. He’s not the only one who gets to have bad moods or pissy moments. Mine are valid too.

 

[joeylittle]

which is what a good partner would do.

Agree. I'm also wondering, @sportsgirl - whether it would be ok with your wife and her therapist to make some sort of 'response plan', should your wife be at that extreme level of dissociation again. I don't know what that would be, because it would probably involve getting the therapist on the phone and letting her assess/re-ground/do something to help your wife. There are certain levels of care where it's OK to let the professionals take over, so to speak....not because you couldn't learn how to do these things, but more because it sounds like it would open the door to your developing massive caregiver fatigue.

I'm also wondering where you go for support...you're here, of course, which is great - but how's your in-person support system?

 

[sportsgirl]

Thanks for all of these amazing responses. I am working on my in-person support system. I grew up in a house with alcoholic parents where you never shared our feelings inside it or outside.

It is not getting any easier. Overnight, after I just lost it and all of my emotions came barreling out of me, I came to the realization that it is not a matter of "if" she kills herself, but "when" as that might be the only thing that ends the pain.

So, I am taking it 5 minutes at a time as you are taught to do with anxiety. And I will keep working with my therapist and this forum.

Thank you to all. You really have no idea what it means to me.