Am I Projecting

[Knak]

My husband has qualifying traumas, but swears he don't have the symptoms of ptsd if you don't count th...

After reading and responding about your situation it has come to my mind often.

I looked into the worst of the exposed "emails" related to the recent US presidential election to see what evidence is behind them. I also knew someone who worked for a former FBI head who investigated the MKUltra child kidnapping/mind control US government program used to create sex slaves and become robots to do things they don't remember. It was taken to the Supreme Court and you can find documentation.

I didn't believe my friend who told me about it over ten years ago but now there is a preponderance of information from victims who came out of it and what was done to them. It is mind boggling and the evil is beyond understanding. 100,000 children are abducted a year and when they lose usefulness they are cast out with no memory of what they've been through. Most can't survive.

It is hard to believe but it is a possibility. You can read or listen to some who survived to tell about it just to see any similarity in their repercussions.

I also have friends whose husbands, as boys, were objects of older men and couldn't tell anyone to save themselves. None of it is pretty and it is so much more common than reported.

 

[Fadeaway]

@Knak I have read a bit about MkUltra. The information on it has been declassified and the CIA openly admits to it. While I highly doubt that it applies to him, and I doubt he was exposed ritual sexual abuse, although he is finally starting to open up to me a bit more about what he did experience. He has had a pretty stable career for the last 20 years until recently.

Just for the sake of it I started asking him questions and I think he was half messing with but half serious. His next door neighbors were card carrying nazis. His parents started talking him to a psychotherapist as a toddler for a reason I can't deduce, and apparently his surprised the heck out of someone for being able to dismantle and reassemble a ww2 German machine rifle. Was taught at a very young age how to disable explosives (Ok that one makes since in a very warped way because my father-inlaw was FBI bsquad for a while.) but then he started throwing all these other things out there like the MIB showing when he had is accident and other things that were clearly nonsense...I think... Yup he really messed with my head on this one.:rolleyes::hilarious::cautious::confused::O_o:<---sums it up

 

[Abstract]

Has he seen the PTSD criteria? I would be tempted to shove it in front of him and an he upsetting events survey and see what he does.

 

[Fadeaway]

We went over it a couple of days ago at his request.

Criteria A- yes
B- no'ish
C- yes
D- 5,6,7
E-no
F-yes
H- No because some could be attributed to Demerol.

He is actually actively talking about it more than ever. I think these episodes are starting to scare him. I also forgot to say that he is seeing car accidents at intersections that aren't happening. Just not the accidents he was involved in. I am pretty sure he has reached a point that he wants help for whatever is going on. A lot has changed in the last few days. I highly suspect he actually read this as well because we are currently sharing a borrowed device and I have left it up on accident. he also asked if I was hiding something from him on here. :oops:

 

[Powder]

When I "tap into" what it might feel like to be expected to go to med school, have a high IQ, be mostly only good at academics, and have a dad in the FBI, and then be driving along during my college years and be T-boned by a drunk driver so badly that it damaged my right arm (how far must that other car have sunk into his car to even reach his right arm, which is in the middle of the car!!

Then, I start to feel like life is very f*cked up, and your whole identity and future can be stolen from you in some freakish accident.

I feels very traumatic, when I imagine both the accident and the way it took away his use of his right arm. In some ways, this feels WORSE to me in my empathic understanding than my PTSD because I can go about my life and do my career and nobody can see my scars. But a male with a bum arm is very visibly emasculinated. He cannot fight against another man, hand-to-hand and win, or not likely, and this would be a constant male-male social friction, daily.

Then, not being able to go to med school, or giving up on a dream due to the traumatic accident...huge.

Finally, the abuse, whatever it was, of having a father in FBI and not feeling that there is any place neutral or safe, that doesn't feel good either.

The whole feeling is of having the "maleness" stripped off from me never to return, and to feel shamed and, like @Ragdoll Circus was wise to note, that with such a great brain...the expectation is huge but he feels like he'll always be second fiddle to dad and two-armed men and doctors, and...

It just sucks. I could be imagining it, but if I were him, I'd be pissed about what was stolen from him.

Then, the training to disarm stuff at a young age is abuse. That training is not appropriate for a child.

The time loss in college sounds like typical dissociation from stress, which applies to lots of college and career track people. And high IQ + imaginative types are adept at using dissociation during times of stress, which can look like depersonaliztion or derealization.

I feel that he's been through a lot and it's bound to catch up to a crisis inside him at some point. He should do some healing work, which is overdue. And he needs to learn self-compassion and acceptance.

Much by way of Hugs if you both want them,

Muse

 

[Fadeaway]

@Muse very insightful and incredibly helpful to see what you said in writing.

From what I understand his arm was in the air at the time of impact but came down across the steering wheel and the sheer force shattered the bone and elbow joint into a million fragments.

Boy oh boy could he do with some self compassion.
:hug: accepted.

 

[Powder]

With trauma and it being so sudden, remember that some of it is with crystal accuracy in memory, and some is overwhelming and cannot be recalled without dissociation. It's okay, it's part of trauma and the person is to be listened to with total empathy (to model self-empathy) and total belief.

Even if the men in black didn't show up and it was regular first-responders, he deserves no less compassion for his pain and what he endured, I believe.

For my truamas, small details are remembered differently, such as going right instead of left. But the damage is the same.

My best hopes for you both to process through this and get back to "normal" or his new normal soon.

 

[Knak]

@Knak I have read a bit about MkUltra. The information on it has been declassified a...

It sounds like a can of worms and you can't get to the bottom yourself. He would need motivation to seek help and victims are trained not to.

One tactic mind control perpetrators use to create the belief that you have no control is related to aliens. I do not want to read about aliens. I believe demons can appear as aliens. Satan worshippers use demonic majik (sp?) to move things, e.g., so maybe he did experience it. Those people do worship Satan.

I just mean it would explain weird talk. You aren't going to be able to solve the cause, it takes too many resources and support and it's not safe either. Mind control was being researched by the Nazis and the US brought over those scientists after WWII to learn and investigate mind control themselves. Those perpetrators depend on secrecy and death. I think you have to have a rock solid faith and knowledge of God of the Bible to approach that topic.

People can be terrorized by anybody set out to do it, not just the govt. I agree with @Muse that he was brought up in a demented environment. He probably never experienced normalcy and after your brain develops as an infant it doesn't change. The abuse causes magnified acuity in the victim. I've heard of two victims who started remembering after car accidents.

I think it's ironic the Nazis knew how the brain changed from trauma, yet we are just beginning to get info from studies.

I don't want to stay on this track because it is too creepy. You can read about Cathy O'Brien or listen on YouTube about what she and her healer went through over decades. She/they wrote a relatively recent book about it.

I will pray for your peace of mind and wisdom from God on what direction you take. I pray you have faith. I have great compassion for his problems, and you as his partner in marriage. Please protect yourself. If you feel he is draining you he may be a narcissist.

People with PTSD are drawn to others with PTSD.