Poll Amazing Week Of Progress

[TillyDevine]

I've been living with a very acute case of PTSD for about a year and a half, and I'm not even exaggerating-- it has been a full time job. New triggers rear their ugly heads just when I think I've worked out my worst ones. This winter has been a nightmare-- a self-imposed prison. I've not left the house but a few times. I've been choosing to stay in a cold, dark basement rather than my bedroom. I guess I'm still having trouble convincing myself that I am indeed still a human being and have every right to sleep on a bed and pee on a toilet...

But I've felt the winds of change stirring up. Spring is here and slowly the sun is peeking out, getting ready to bless us with it's healing warmth. I have been able, in the last two weeks, to do these things:
1. Physically go to town hall to pay off an excise tax
2. Physically gone to renew my driver's license
3. Physically went to a psychiatric's office and had an evaluation (diagnosis: PTSD, Dissociative Disorder NOS, among others)
4. Kept up with my areas-- even vacuumed. Cleaning up my space every day now, not letting messes accumulate
5. Had FOUR successful, semi-major social encounters!''

Not everyone will be happy at your success. Nor will everyone be saddened by your losses. Be careful with whom you share you personal matters. - Mufti Ismail Menk

... are we allowed to celebrate our good weeks? Days? Even though we know they aren't permanent and we will probably fall off the healing bandwagon again? I struggle with this. I get excited when I seem to be doing well, then I go and tell my close friends and family all about it. When I have a bad episode/day/stretch of time then, they all seem disappointed in me. So I've stopped legitimizing it to others. I'm realizing that this is self-sabotage... I have every right to rejoice in every single bit of progress I make in this journey through the aftermath of trauma.
And so do you.

 

[Powder]

This is encouraging to read. I'm happy for you!

What helped make the change? Whatever it is, I hope you keep it coming. Sounds like winter is especially hard on you. I can relate.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Rejoice, yes. Tell others, no. I let my overall show of behavior be my voice. Others can see for themselves. If I tell them that I'm "better" and then backslide, I am seen as unreliable or even a liar.

 

[Powder]

@Solara, I think I see your point, but it might be necessary to tell a therapist and this forum, in order to get appropriate reality checking and support and to gauge patterns. Of course, there are many one should not tell anything personal.

A listener who is "safe" and knows that one suffers from a condition, such as PTSD, would be likely to know that we have good days and bad days, like any other disorder. Such a listener will not be able to give appropriate feedback 100% of the time due to their own limitations and psychological "noise" but will usually come through for you if they can.

This, to me, is hindered by my Trust being broken in the past. Also, raised by addicted and abusive narcissists, I learned that the surefire way to NOT get your need met was to ask for it or even mention it. I have had to learn that is not "normal" and not every medical professional is a narcissist, although quite a few seem to be unsafe to me, still.

My lack of experience with trust and communicating has been a struggle for me in all areas of my social interactions, including work and personal, medical, and so on. Recently, I have felt more able to take risks and talk more about my desires and needs to medical professionals, because I finally spoke about my trauma, and broke a 30-year block of ice, and got appropriate responses. As a result, I still struggled to trust them, but the upshot for me has been gradually increased trust and having had successful surgeries and dental work done.

I'm no longer suffering from pain or medical problems that worsened my quality of life until I spoke up. Emotionally, we have to speak up to get the diagnosis and support we need to get well, too. Socially, if we hold everything inside, we fail to form bonds or learn better ways of relating to others. Then, we miss out on seeing ourselves be capable of more.

Speaking up can be good or bad, but it takes practice to get better at it to gain the results you want.

Some of us are at different levels in our development in various skills sets, but that's okay. We are here to encourage each other.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Muse,
I was merely stating what works for me and wasn't making any sort of blanket statement regarding anyone else. If you find that you need to tell other people that you're doing better, then great. However I personally find that my good times are so precious to me that I don't waste time telling everyone how wonderful I am. I merely resume life and enjoy it while it lasts.

 

[Powder]

"Telling other people" progress or "not telling people...." both your posts would serve nicely as examples of blanket statements. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/blanket

Also, you seem to think that others reporting that their PTSD is better is the same thing as "telling others how wonderful I am."

That has nothing to do with the original post or anyone's post. I really don't think your replies match up or make sense. What's your point, that anyone who reports coming out of a severe down time should be put in the stocks for saying that on this forum. Wow!

I think there is a whole forum area for successes, that maybe you should check out.

 

[Powder]

CBT is all about interpreting things negatively, which feeds PTSDs bleakness. Your framing of positive communications in negative bias is revealing the PTSD that needs work.

Frankly, I put tons of work into this that you can't necessarily read in my voice. Only I know how hard it is to stop seeing the world as dark.

Solara, you help me to see my own struggles more clearly in this area. I'm sorry you are dealing with it, too, and I thank you for helping me to see how my own PTSD clouds my own skies. I know I can get better with this, giving myself and others the benefit of the doubt, rather than interpreting them negatively.

PTSD whispers, "Don't trust them. Don't get hurt. They're all like ___, who hurt you." But then, that becomes my world. When I was still in denial and amnesia, I was naive but more happy.

There needs to be a balance, and there is no harm in trusting in the good intentions of someone sharing good news. Even if they are being a little egotistical, and don't realize it, they mean no harm. No reason to question them. That is hypervigilent. Question the real evil, not the merely humanness of people. We have to heal and find that line.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

What the heck is up with people?!? Geezus, I'm getting slammed left and right for stating my own opinion on posts, with other members playing "rent-a-cop"! I only represent myself and my own personal views. If what I say is interpreted as anything but, well not really my problem as nowhere do I state "I speak for sufferers everywhere!"

My response was legitimate as I was responding to this....

"I get excited when I seem to be doing well, then I go and tell my close friends and family all about it. When I have a bad episode/day/stretch of time then, they all seem disappointed in me."

I think my writing style offends you, lol. I'm mobile so if I don't feel like being wordy, I state my reply as succinctly as possible. You interpret it as being commanding when I am just stating my opinion in as few words as possible. Perhaps open up your mind to the fact that not all of us are typing on full keyboards. Mine is about 2.5 inches wide and is a pain to type on. It also helps to not add in your own interpretation to posts. I'm cracking up at how so little said can offend someone when they add in their own interpretation!

 

[Changing4Best]

I think it is important to acknowledge each milestone in our progress!