Amnesia - Did You Find That The Person That Harmed You Was Different To Who You Thought?

[Abstract]

discovering abuses that I had either not realized were abusive or completely forgotten about.

Dee, were these traumatising do you think? I have had various things rise up and I don't doubt them. I think I was in denial as I somehow knew without knowing.

 

[Abstract]

, I began by saying I thought my ex-girlfriend might've been molested by her dad

Did you know it was you lost pup? I can see it must have been a safer way of getting into speaking about it.

The process of re-associating correctly can be messy and you really can mis-connect things in the process of sorting it ou

Very true. I am concerned about this. I not going to go looking as firstly I don't want to look and secondly I don't want to end up with something that isn't true.

Other incidents are not normal memories but they are different as I can tell who. Thanks.

 

[Abstract]

e contextual clues to figure out the order of things

I imagine this is totally normal with trauma as it isn't normal memory. All of mine I need to do this with.

 

[Abstract]

. It wasn't my brother...it was my dad.

Thank you! That gives me some hope. I hope you don't mind me saying it like that. Sorry that your father assaulted you again.

partial and emotional flashbacks, then someone abused you. You can have confidence in that

Thanks radicalgratitude. I don't know. I really do think I am making it up. Other things did happen that I know about so maybe this is me getting confused. There is fact in there as I was told some things but I can't see how it would fit together. I wish it would just go away. Hoping it will.

 

[Hashi]

Was it who you thought it was or was it someone else?

Someone was who I wouldn't let myself think it was.

 

[radicalgratitude]

I hope you don't mind me saying it like that.

Nope, I don't mind! :happy: As difficult as it was I am so grateful he did that because it brought the truth to light.

On doubting: We all have parts of us that want to deny that our "loved ones" are capable of anything evil.

Why don't you try doing a journal entry on what it would mean for you if so-and-so did in fact do this? What kind of feelings does this bring up? Then you can find out what purpose the part of you that denies it has for denying it. Is this part of you trying to protect itself from what really happened? Is this part afraid to feel anger, sadness, resentment, or even remember feelings of arousal (the body betraying you)?

 

[Abstract]

As I had my suspicions-due to being aware of my lack of body comfort and my lack of affections,

I don't know what happened to the rest of my answer to you change. :-/

So all you had were mixed up feelings affection wise and lack of body comfort around them and later more came up? Thanks for sharing.

 

[Abstract]

Someone was who I wouldn't let myself think it was.

That is NOT what I want to hear. :(

 

[Abstract]

I am so grateful he did that because it brought the truth to light.

I am so glad you can be so grateful for this. As awful as it is. The confusion and lack of knowledge is a bit crazy making I find. I try to think my mind knows what its doing but I I just think I am crazy most of the time.

Why don't you try doing a journal entry on what it would mean for you if so-and-so did in fact do this?

This is an excellent idea and you are very wise but I am ashamed to say I am a coward. I am very far from being able to do that. I felt I was going to sick just at the thought.

Realistically I can't even face clear basic stuff so maybe I need to start there. How to do that and still half function I am not sure. I will store this though and keep it in mind so thank you.

 

[Mayday]

I am struggling with the amnesia too Abstract. I think that is because I had to have contact with family over the holidays whereas I'd been able to just avoid them previously. It has had the effect of making me think more about things, and wanting things to be more certain.

On my bad days, like today, the amnesia makes me feel like I don't matter. I'm used to not mattering to other people, but the amnesia is something that comes from inside, it feels worse, like a double betrayal. That I'm not important enough to know what happened, that I don't deserve to know. I know it's just my emotional state at the moment. It just feels so futile sometimes.

 

[Abstract]

Sorry to hear that @Mayday. It makes me hate myself deeply and have no faith in myself. A betrayal of myself is right. I usually feel anything must be better than that. I am told that is not the case but it is hard to believe.

I too find one of the most confusing times is when I am exposed to family. Hope you feel more settled soon.

 

[Lost Pup]

Did you know it was you lost pup? I can see it must have been a safer way of getting into speaking about it.

Yes, I did know it was me. But in a very dissociated way. It was my way of testing the waters. For me, I had worked so very hard to push my molest memories out of my head that I had sort of learned to do it effectively. But I had also genuinely lost myself in the process. So there came a time when I realized my survival really depended on welcoming back all I had pushed away. But, as I learned, I had sort of lost the key. And things came back a little differently than I had initially stored them, which took time to sort out. Saying it out loud was very scary and yet, had I been able to say it internally, I never would've been able to keep from practically screaming it from the rooftops. So I talked about others projectively.

So, emotionally, yes, I 100% knew it was myself I was speaking of. And when I think back to how obvious it must've been to my therapist, it seems comical. When I did later tell him about my father, I was pretty much in the fully dissociated ego state of a little boy talking very clearly and directly. I had partial amnesia of that conversation but I believe I remember saying like, I'm sure you figured out a long time ago that I was talking about my dad.