An Aha Moment

[Recovery4Me]

Fantastic to hear!

Roast a marshmallow for me, my friend!
We will be waiting for some. lol

 

[oasis2003]

AHA MOMENT !!!!! I love it . Freeeeeedom! :) Thanks . Want to watch the blues brothers now. :D

 

[Hope4Now]

the latest is blue hair. If you'd like to borrow it, I call it 'delayed onset teenage rebellion'

I have seriously considered going short, spiked, and blue. My teenaged children claim they'll deny any relationship with me if I do! But I still might:)

 

[Hope4Now]

I'm on the road finally. Typical that what was planned as a two hour appointment with my mother turned into five hours because of complications. Argh. But I didn't give up...I'm 3 hours into my long drive and cranking the music. At a rest stop now. I won't make it to my friends' tonight so where I'll sleep tonight will be another adventure.

I'm free and feeling good still!

Thank you all for rooting for me! And thanks for the additional tunes @Eleanor!

 

[Teasel]

Have fun, hope to hear how you're getting on :)

 

[Hope4Now]

:) just about to cross international lines!

 

[Hope4Now]

Camping adventure complete. Very, very healing. Exhausted. Not looking forward to the drive home, but not regretting a single thing about the decision. I need to do more of this kind of thing.

 

[Changing4Best]

I like that, I think I will try it in my own way. Thanks.

 

[Hope4Now]

I don't have to kill myself to be free. I can go camping instead.

Okay...so...now what do I do? I cannot go camping again anytime soon...(well, I could but I think it might kill my husband for various reasons and be hurtful to my kids for me to disappear again and I'm not willing to do that and besides there's no money left). I cannot talk to anybody about the self-destructive part that is rearing it's butt-ugly head again. NEVER AGAIN will I reach out and land in the same hospital I did the last time. That was a whole trauma that I am still having problems dealing with. I needed more therapeutic support...not entrapment and retraumatization. AND I can't say anything to anybody else lest I endanger my acceptance into this residential program I'm waiting to be admitted to.

I don't know what to do with all this activation or energy or whatever you want to call it. Sleep helps...but I can't sleep all the time and if I lie down and don't sleep, I fall in deep. So can't lie down. But tired, tired, tired.

My brain is not functioning well enough to write anything coherently in my journal, or to paint what I'm burning up to paint. Too many things I'm burning up to paint. I'm not focused enough to be able to do any creative work...just thinking of it makes me feel overwhelmed. I feel like I need somebody to hand me something to do.

What I really need is a massage. But there's no money. Ugh. I am stuck in my house without a car because my uncle showed up unexpectedly yesterday and is staying for 10 days...supposedly to be helpful and to take over care for my mother for a bit. I'm appreciative of that, but he's pretty high maintenace himself.

Maybe I will plan the next camping trip. Soon. It must be soon. I have to get out of here again. I need to be outside, near fire, and near water. I have no idea what it is about this elemental stuff but it seems to keep all the nasty stuff at bay.

What do you do when you're ready to jump out of your skin but you have no focus or energy or ability to do much about it. I'm working on tolerating it right now and hoping it will pass.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Well, I am in a similar spot in some ways. I have been organizing the heck out of my house. I just sit and sort through boxes. Or I have found that sewing works. Since I am not too particular about how some things come out (like a rice heating pack), it's quite mindless. I watch TV. I am trying to get outside and take walks or plant flowers.

Maybe there is something other than a camping trip you can do that will feel just as freeing? Something simple like as I wrote this, I just realized that since I am not working, I can go to the library. I love the library. I can just go and wander the shelves, read, do a puzzle, but just get out and have an adventure (of very mini-proportions).

Wishing you luck in finding something that will keep you from jumping out of your skin.